A/N: This is just a warning. Felix has had a really, REALLY fucked up life. So there are graphic depictions of torture and injuries (including SEVERE bleach burns), and a fair dose of homophobia in this chapter. If that bothers you, find the

Felix's POV

Lily, you spent time in the Land Without Magic, right? Well, over there I think they have some legend about the great King Arthur and his Holy Quest and all his great deeds, right? And don't they make him out to be some poor orphan with no family or something? Yeah, I thought so.

The thing is, he was an orphan. But he had siblings, so he wasn't exactly alone. Arthur was the middle child of the three of us. Well, the older of the two of us, we had a sister that died in infancy or got sold to a sorcerer or something. I'm not entirely sure what happened to her, but I've never really wondered either. She's better off dead or wherever she ended up. So yeah, Arthur is my older brother by two years. Not that he ever really acted like it.

Camelot wasn't always a kingdom like this; it used to be this tiny village in the middle of nowhere. We didn't have an orphanage, or even enough orphans to warrant one. So we slept outside or in stables, and relied on charity for food. A little after I turned... ten? Eleven? Somewhere around there; we didn't really keep track of birthdays. Somewhere around that time, Arthur met Guinevere. She and her friend Lancelot were the only other orphans in the village. I liked them, but they were closer to Arthur's age so we weren't particularly close. Arthur, on the other hand, liked to pretend I didn't exist.

No, no, sweetheart, that wasn't his fault. Don't make that face, just let me explain. See, I was the reason we became orphans. One of the villagers told us once that our father had to give us up because our mother had died a little after I was born and he couldn't afford a caretaker for two young children. If I hadn't been born, Arthur thought that he might still have a family.

Is Arthur blond like the movie? I'm not sure what a movie is, but no. He has dark hair and eyes. Why don't I? Well, I... I used to. I'm, um... I'm not a natural blond. I'll get to that soon, okay? Just be patient and promise not to kill anyone when I do. Okay, fine. I can only really ask you to do your best.

Anyway, yeah. Once I was old enough to fend for myself somewhat, I did. But it's not as if Arthur just left me for dead. He still gave me the blanket at night because he said I needed it more than he did, and he still split his food with me if I hadn't managed to get any that day. He just... Didn't interact with me much beyond making sure I stayed alive.

Beyond that, the legends do get a lot right. Arthur was Merlin's Chosen One, he went on a quest for the Holy Grail and pulled Excalibur out of the stone, et cetera, et cetera. He married Guinevere and we became royalty basically overnight. It was weird, not having to scavenge for food or curl into a haystack at night to keep from freezing, but I liked it. Arthur would have been around eighteen or so, so I was about sixteen at the time.

Yeah, sweetheart, I know I look sixteen. The lostness came in pretty quickly after this.

See, after he acquired Excalibur, Arthur became obsessed with some riddle that Merlin had left him. He drew even further away from me and even started to withdraw from Gwen and Lancelot. His company of knights wondered what had happened, but I didn't know and he had sworn Gwen and Lance to secrecy.

There was no getting through to him, so we made the best of what we had. I started spending a lot of time with Gwen and Lance and one of the other knights, Kay. You met him down in the cave. Yes, I'm fully aware that he's cute. That was the problem. I was stupid enough to develop a crush on him.

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm a cliche. But Kay was my age, and sweet but also ridiculously brave. He'd more than earned his spot at Arthur's table, even if he was the youngest man there. He'd saved my brother's life more times than I could count, and he was just... perfect.

People around here aren't like you and Pan. Don't give me that look, you know what I mean. They aren't as accepting of differences, especially in money and romance. My job as Arthur's brother was to marry a princess, not to have affairs with the king's best knights. Gwen and Lance seemed... very confused, but okay being around me after they found out, so we stayed good friends. In exchange for keeping my secret, I kept their affair quiet. I managed to keep any rumors from getting to Arthur for quite a while, but one slipped by me.

I didn't realize until Guinevere walked up to me in tears one day that Arthur had heard rumors of her and Lancelot. I started to apologize to her for letting the rumor get past me, but she wouldn't have it. She began to apologize to me, saying over and over how sorry she was and how she messed up and could I ever forgive her?

Before I could ask her what she meant, Arthur walked in with Lancelot, Kay, and Thitis-- the woman Tommy wanted you to see --who was Camelot's only sorceress at the time. Lance and Kay were carrying a basin between them, and neither of them would look at me. Arthur, on the other hand, was looking at me for the first time in over a year.

You know that look that Pan got when Baelfire died? Wait what? Bae was alive? He did what? When I get my hands on that boy...

Ahem. But you remember the look? Multiply that by a hundred and then put it on a nearly grown boy's face. I won't tell you what he said exactly, but you can probably imagine it, at least a little bit. Unnatural. Monster. Un--unclean.

That was the worst one. He said I was unclean and pointed at the... the basin that Lance and Kay had set down next to him. That's when the smell hit me. It was acrid and chemical. It smelled like the liquid that the maids used on the sheets sometimes. It was that liquid... I only realized when I felt myself being dragged toward it.

Yeah, sweetheart, it was Lance and Kay dragging me. Bleach? Is-- Is that what that's called? We don't really, uh, have a name for it. It's just washing liquid here.

My hair? Yeah, that's why it's blond. My eyes... well... Arthur didn't exactly think my hair color was the problem. He had Lancelot and Kay keep my head submerged in the... the bleach, you called it? For several seconds. My eyes were closed, but it burned through my eyelids and I went blind. Fully, irreparably blind. The blue burned out of them.

You can't even imagine the pain, Lily. I... I can't begin to describe it. On top of the heartbreak of having Kay holding me down, there was the nearly unbearable physical pain. It was almost like-- like my skin was peeling off. Except that it was. It was peeling off. I couldn't even scream properly because the skin on my jaw...

No, you don't need to hear that.

I just... I wanted to die, but I couldn't even do that. That was why Thitis was there in the first place. She was supposed to make sure I survived it.

I passed out before it was over. When I woke up, my wounds had been dressed. I could feel bandages covering my whole head, but I couldn't see any light through them. Someone was holding my hand. The pain was gone for the moment. Looking back, I'm sure Thitis arranged for that. The shock of all those burns at once would have probably killed me on the spot if she hadn't.

I heard crying and turned my head toward the sound. It was Guinevere. She sucked in a breath when I moved and asked me if I was awake. She apologized again, but his time I knew what she was talking about. Arthur had confronted her about Lancelot and she had used my crush on Kay to cover for herself and Arthur... well, he had reacted about as well as I expected he would.

No, sweetheart, don't get angry. I was never angry. You don't know Arthur, what he was like. She did what she had to to survive. I could never be angry about that. The only person I was angry with was Arthur. You're allowed to do whatever you like to him. Deal? Okay.

Guinevere was the one that brought me to the orphanage that day. She said it would be better for me in the long run if I disappeared from the palace. It didn't make me angry, but I was alone. I didn't talk to anyone at the orphanage, and no one tried to talk to the strange blind kid. My brother had hurt me and my friends had abandoned me to an orphanage full of troubled kids.

Yeah. I was lost. So imagine my surprise when someone finally talked to me nearly a year later and asked if I was willing to give up everything. Pan brought me to Neverland and healed my blindness and my wounds. He hadn't discovered the spring yet, so he used his own magic. That's why the color of my hair and eyes stayed the same.

The rest you know.

Lily hadn't stopped gripping my hand the entire time I spoke. When I finished, she reached up and wiped a tear off my cheek. I pressed my fingers to my face in shock; I hadn't even realized I was crying. I scrubbed my eyes clean.

When I looked at Lily, she was already looking back steadily. "So what do you want to do?"

I wasn't sure. It must have shown on my face, because she continued with a sigh. "Personally, I think everyone involved needs to pay for it, but it's up to you."

I managed to crack a grin. "That's the violent little sister I know and love."

"Yeah, yeah." Lily rolled her eyes.

If I thought about it, the only person at fault for what had happened was Arthur. The others were only following the orders of their king. My fear was a knee-jerk reaction to having everyone who had ever hurt me in the same room. I took a breath.

"Thitis is your best bet. There's no one better at magic than her in Camelot. I won't let my feelings for these people stop you from getting the help you need." Lily looked like she was about to argue so I cut her off. "I'm not going to ask you to play nice, I'm just saying don't try to kill anyone and see if they're willing to help. If you have to come back, I won't even come with you."

She nodded reluctantly. "The first time any of them tries anything, I'm not going to hold back."

"Fair enough." I stood up and held out a hand. When she took it, I pulled her to her feet effortlessly and grinned. "You know, you might want to cut them some slack. You are pretty adorable."

She smacked me upside the head. "You're the only one that's allowed to say that."

"Then why did you hit me?" I was still so accustomed to magic that I kept talking even when the blue fog enveloped us. "If I'm allowed to say you're cute--"

"I've known you for three and a half centuries and I kicked you in the balls the day I met you. You're allowed to call me anything you want." She crossed her arms and glared at me.

"I thought we agreed never to speak of that," I muttered. It wasn't exactly a shining moment in our relationship, but I gained respect for her pretty fast.

Someone cleared their throat.

"Um..." Tommy started. "Does that mean you'll accept our help?"

I had the feeling Lily had a few choice words for the people in the room, and I'd be lying if I said that I wanted to speak to them, so I let her do the talking.

Lily glared at everyone with pure venom. "What it means is that Felix is the most forgiving person I've met in my entire life and that you should all be grovelling at his feet for what you did to him. All of you except Tommy and Glitonea are lucky Rose isn't out right now, because she's climbing the walls trying to kill you and I'm not sure she couldn't. Except you two." She pointed at Glitonea and Thitis. "I'm not sure what you are, but I couldn't kill you very easily. But because Felix is the best person in every world and I love him to death, I'll trust you."

"If... If you know the story, why would you trust us?" Guinevere asked quietly. Lily didn't even have a smart retort. Her voice was quiet, accusatory when she spoke.

"Because Felix trusts you."

Lance and Kay were silent, but Guinevere stifled a sob..

It was just about the most effective thing she could have said, and it confirmed my suspicions: they felt guilty about what they did. As much as I had expected it, the knowledge was a relief. It was a confirmation after all this time that they hadn't wanted to do it.

After what seemed like an eternity, Thitis spoke. "If you will accept our help, then come with me."

Lily looked at me, worried.

"He is perfectly safe here," Glitonea assured her. She handed Lily a hand mirror. "If it would comfort you, you can keep an eye on him from here."

The sisters ushered her through a hidden door, but she looked somewhat more relaxed with the mirror in hand. I was secure in the knowledge that no one here would hurt me; even if they wanted to, I'd gotten much better at fighting on Neverland, and the Knights of the Round Table had been going stagnant without quests to keep them in shape. They wouldn't have a prayer.

That didn't mean that I wasn't uncomfortably aware that they were all staring at me in a strange mix of guilt and awe.

"I thought you were dead," Guinevere blurted suddenly. "I kept tabs on you and then one day you fucking vanished and I was... It was my fault."

"I wasn't dead," I said. It was probably a bit redundant, given that I was standing in front of them and clearly not dead, but there wasn't much I could say that would make sense.

"I know you weren't!" she cried. "I fucking know that now, okay? I just... I know we have no right to ask after what we did to you. She was right, we don't even deserve to fucking breathe in your presence. I know that, but I have to ask. Where did you go?"

I debated answering for a while. Rumors about Peter Pan tended to vary from realm to realm, and none of them were ever good. But I couldn't come up with another way for a blind, still-wounded teenager to effectively vanish without a trace. Kidnapped maybe, but then how would I have escaped? Ran away, but then I would have been easy to find. I leaned against one of the walls and looked at the cave floor.

"Neverland," I murmured truthfully. The name held a note of fond nostalgia when I spoke it. As much as I pretended to love it here, it was mostly for Lily's benefit. I missed home; I planned on tagging along when she went back.

The reaction wasn't what I expected, though. Kay and Guinevere sucked in a horrified breath and Lancelot-- quiet, serious Lancelot --nearly yelled in horror.

"You went where? And you survived?"

Wait, what? "Of course. Nearly all of us did. Why?"

Kay spoke his first words since we'd shown up. "Neverland is where children go to die."

I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing. Not just giggling, but full-blown hysterical guffaws. I hadn't laughed this hard since before Lily went on that pirate trip (A/N that's Rule #12 of RtR)

"Is... Is that... That's what you think we are?" I couldn't breathe. "A child graveyard?"

"Are you not?" Kay asked cynically. "The boys vanish in the night and are never heard from again. Their families are devastated."

That sobered me up quickly. "Our families are abusive and neglectful. You are so far off the mark. Neverland is an island. Yes, some boys die, but only if they're stupid enough to get themselves killed."

Lancelot glowered at the wall behind me, but said nothing. Guinevere spoke up. "We had a boy go missing once. Lance's squire. Did you know him?"

"Probably. I know every Lost One that ever was and ever will be."

"His name was Devin."

I snorted. "That asshole? Sure. He's one of our best."

"But he's alive?" Lancelot pressed. "He's okay?"

"Unless he got himself killed in the two weeks that I've been gone, yeah." Two weeks Neverland time, of course. "He's a dick, but he's a good Lost One. Kid's tough as nails."

"Can you tell him--"

"No." I may not have been angry with them, but favors like that weren't granted to anyone. It didn't happen. "Devin cut his ties with you the moment he asked Peter to take him to Neverland. He doesn't want to see you or hear from you. If you wanted him to hear what you had to say, you should have said it before. We have good life on Neverland. Giving him a message from you would either piss him off or hurt him. It would screw with a good situation."

There was silence for a moment before Guinevere broke it in the only way she knew how: with another question. "You called them Lost Ones. Don't you mean Lost Boys? The legend speaks only of boys being taken."

Because the legends are always right, I found myself thinking bitterly. I looked each of them in the eye in turn. "This stays between us. I'm trusting you with this because we have history, but if I discover that this information leaves this room, I won't hesitate to cut you down. Understand?"

"I swear it," Guinevere said.

Lancelot raised his right hand. "You have my word."

Kay and Tommy echoed him.

"We made an exception," I said wryly, gesturing toward the hidden room Lily had disappeared into several minutes before, "For one extraordinary girl. And we never once regretted it."

When Lily appeared, life on Neverland definitely changed. Things got harder in a lot of ways. But I had never once regretted making her one of us. Something told me that Pan felt the same.

"She seems very attached to you," Guinevere murmured.

"She's my sister in every way that matters," I said simply. "I think I was the first person to show her kindness since she was born."

"You were," Lily said from the doorway. She had entered the room silently; to me it was unexpected, but not surprising. The others, on the other hand, jolted in surprise before her words sank in. They looked at her with pity in their eyes.

I reached out my arms and waved her over. "Hey, sweetheart," I said, hugging her. "Are you all fixed up?"

"The magical part is, anyway," she laughed into my shirt. "No more switches, but the voices are my problem to deal with."

I released her. "That sounds about the way it was before."

She stilled completely, not tense but unmoving. It was a nervous gesture she'd never quite gotten over. I figured that it had something to do with the Dark One and how she was raised; Uriel did it a lot. It had something to do with avoiding unnecessary attention.

"Hey," I said quietly, instantly disregarding anyone else in the room. "What's wrong?"

"My parents," she said. "For the spell, she needed some blood to determine my ancestry. My father was from here, from Camelot."

"Okay..." I didn't know how to respond to that. "And your mother?"

Lily wouldn't meet my eyes. "Get this. Turns out I'm a halfbreed. Apparently my mother was a mermaid. That's why my powers are what they are. I didn't want to know anything else, though. They have nothing to do with me."