Pan's POV:

It was a long time before I was able to be the leader again. I needed to get my act together, and I knew it, but for whatever reason, I just... couldn't. Not for whatever reason. I knew why; it wasn't an excuse.

So when I took a look at how Felix was running the camp, I had to admit that I was impressed. Gone was the Felix that was around when I was in charge. He was more serious, which was strange, but I couldn't say I was against it. Even though he was my best friend, there was no question that Felix was always a little... soft. He never cared too much; he cared too openly. Most of the time I was okay with his mother hen style, but since she left, it was like he'd turned to stone. He kept the boys in line and he did it with nothing but a look.

But they were suffering too. At night, I heard them calling for their mothers-- something that they hadn't done since Lily arrived. This wasn't a problem I could fix with a magic spring or a memory spell. She wasn't on the island anymore, which meant that she was out of my reach. If I wasn't one hundred percent sure that she was alive and capable of handling herself, I would have just let that damn hourglass run out on its own.

Yeah, we were a mess without her. Except Felix; he seemed to have just shut down completely. That was almost as worrying, if not more. I cornered him once, after lights out.

"You're avoiding me," I said. It wasn't a question.

"I've been busy, and you haven't been the most social yourself."

Ouch. Okay, he was definitely not okay. Normally he would never have addressed me like that. I conceded, just a little. "True, but at least I'm trying to fix things. Why have you been acting like this?"

"Because I... I can't even look at you without remembering that you're the reason she left in the first place!" he snapped.

"Fair enough. And your loyalties?" Felix was all I had left. If he turned against me--

"To you. Always to you. Are you stupid, Pan? I'm pissed, not disloyal." He rolled his eyes. "And no, my feelings haven't changed either, in case that was your next question. But you already knew that, didn't you?"

I nodded solemnly. I still didn't know what to make of Felix's infatuation with me, even after all these years. I'd chalked it up to the fact that I'd been the one to rescue him personally from the hellhole he'd been staying in and I didn't particularly care about his sexuality one way or the other. He was the first Lost Boy and nothing would change that, least of all a little crush.

"Just warn me the next time you're going to pull something like you did with John and Michael, okay? It's weird, treating them like employees."

A humorless smile spread across my face. "Here's your warning. Next time they show up on this island, they'll have completed their assignment. I want them killed."

Felix looked coldly ahead, pointedly not looking at me. "And the girl?"

I realized with a start that he meant Wendy, not Lily. "I have the feeling that she hasn't outlived her usefulness yet. We'll keep her where she is for the moment. Prepare for a few... unwanted visitors on the island. Things are about to get very interesting around here again."

Lily's POV

There aren't words to describe how torturous even a short conversation was with Pan when he didn't even know who he was really talking to. I did my best to keep it strictly business, but even then it got a little off-topic. And what did he mean by things getting "interesting?"

I didn't know if I could kill Michael and John. I knew the order was coming as soon as Pan turned them into adults, but every time I thought about it, old memories would surface.

Lee--

Michael, that's not her name.

Yes it is. Lee, I'm hungry.

I remembered some good times from back home. There weren't that many of them, but they were there.

I needed to stop before I made myself cry. Pan's orders were at least as absolute to Felix as they were to Lily, probably even more so. Nothing would be accomplished by dwelling in the past and letting myself get emotional would ruin my cover.

Still, when I pictured round-faced little Michael on the ground, his blood mingling with his brother's... I had to stop myself from vomiting in the bushes.

What had we come to? Killing and entrapping our brothers for no good-- okay. One very good reason.

Before Felix left, he filled me in on a few details that would be vitally important for a doppelganger to know, including the fact that Pan was... Pan was dying.

As good of a reason as that was, it didn't excuse what he was forcing us to do in his name. In this case, hard as it was to admit, the end didn't justify the means. Pan's survival didn't mean more than the lives of John, Michael, and the newly rediscovered Baelfire. Okay, a slug's life meant more to me than Baelfire's. No one abandons the Lost Ones and lives. You are a Lost One until the day you die. Or unless you're Felix. He had a better reason than 'I didn't want to.'

When I went to bed that night, the usual loneliness that came from sleeping in Felix's tent without him was compounded with painful memories of a past that I couldn't hope to revisit any time soon. I broke my emotions rule and hot tears rolled down my cheeks. I quieted my sobbing, but it was there. Anyone who was listening would have heard it. Luckily, no one was awake to hear anything this late at night.

I let everything out as quietly as possible, and you know what they say about crying and how it makes you feel better? It's complete crap. I fell asleep, still crying and feeling like I'd been run over by a towtruck.

*~*~*

I woke up with the sun, as I'd trained myself to do. My head ached and my throat was hoarse from the effort of holding in my sobs the night before. The watery sunlight that got through the near-constant cloudcover was far too bright. All that aside, I knew that I'd do whatever I had to when the time came. I had no idea what that entailed, but I knew that whatever it was, I would handle it and damn the consequences.

I cleared my throat and wiped my face. "Everybody up!" I called, going from tent to tent. "Devin, you and Sam are on breakfast duty today."

A series of groans let me know that everyone was awake. There was no talking this early, which was fine by me. Every tiny sound seemed unbearably amplified, including my own yelling. Everything just hurt. A part of me distantly wondered if this was what a hangover felt like. Probably. It would explain a lot about people's behavior in Storybrooke.

Things ran normally until after dinner. A tap on my shoulder alerted me to Pan's presence. "Are they here?" I asked tonelessly.

"No. It's a boy. Someone just washed up on the shore over by Skull Rock. I need you to go check to see if it's him." Pan handed me a scroll and vanished without another word. Good. I didn't need to add any more pain to my reservoir.

I gathered a small group of boys and we set out. The communicators I'd given Greg and Tamara were decoys, obviously. Stupid as they were, they had decided that "no questions asked" was a good policy to have. I led the group toward the glow of their firepit. Greg and Tamara had brought the right boy, and it was... Henry.

Greg's eyebrows flew up when he saw us. "Who are you?"

I grinned at him mockingly. "We're the home office. Welcome to Neverland."

"The--The home office," Tamara stammered, "Is a bunch of teenagers?"

Idiots, I thought. Who gives their unquestioned loyalty to someone they've never even met?

"They're not teenagers," Henry said. "They're the Lost Boys."

"Look at that," I said, barely holding back a snicker. The entire scenario was ridiculous: a ten-year-old was more observant than adults three times his age. Just goes to show that Neverland was actually a fantastic idea.

"But why would the Lost Boys want to destroy magic?" Henry asked curiously. He was a smart kid; the ball was in his court for the moment. We wouldn't hurt a child on Neverland and he knew it.

I tilted my head to the side, almost leaning it on my spear. "Who said we want to destroy magic?"

My words had the desired effect on Greg and Tamara. "But that was our mission!" Greg seethed.

"So you were told," I countered. "Now the boy. Hand him over."

Tamara spoke up. "Not until you tell us the plan. For magic, for getting home."

I really did laugh that time. I couldn't help it. "You're not getting home."

Greg looked for all the world as though he were trying to be brave or cocky or whatever. He looked terrified. "Then you're not gettin' the boy."

"Of course we are," I said through a chuckle. How could these people be so stupid?

Right on cue, Shadow flew down and ripped the man's shadow from his body. It was gruesome and I exerted all of my self-control trying not to reach over and cover Henry's eyes. I'd watched the kid grow up. I knew him. I didn't want to subject him to this aspect of being a Lost Boy so early on.

When Greg's body dropped to the ground, Tamara yelled "Run!" before taking off, with Henry on her heels.

"Get the boy," I said. The boys took off after Henry and one of them shot Tamara down.

I looked at the bodies in mild disgust. Had they needed to die? Yeah, probably. But did Pan really need to have Greg's shadow ripped out? There was necessity and then there was cruelty. The only question was why, and that was an easy one.

Pan was in pain.

Children lash out when they're in pain.

Pan lashed out, that was all.

I'd probably do the same thing.

A/N SADNESS. HERE LIES THE BEGINNING FOF THE CANON-CONVERGENCE. *weird anime noises*

The scene with Greg and Tamara is, in fact, exactly what happened in episode 3.01. I actually had the scene playing in another tab as I wrote. Here's the link in case you want to do some fact checking. It's only three minutes or so. Even the scene with Lily/Felix looking disgustedly at the bodies is there.

God I'm so tired. There's a three hour time difference between California and DC. I came home four days ago and I still haven't adjusted. Ugh. This chapter refused to be written until the last fricking minute. I opened Wattpad and saw that it was the tenth day and my response was essentially "Well sh**." It went a totally different direction than I was planning. Y'all know how it is.

Until next upload! Byeeeeee.