Lily's POV

I was absolutely terrified of heights, and Peter knew it. So why would he bring me to freaking Big Ben and land us outside the top of the tower?

To catch me off guard and ask me out. Some days, I regretted being a girl. When Shadow came to pick us up, my anger with the world had pretty much ebbed, but I was still in shock. In my time in Storybrooke, I'd seen enough Disney movies to last anyone a lifetime, and in every single one, it was the same: "With true love's kiss, the spell shall break," and all that crap. Those things couldn't have been farther from the truth, so why did that one detail have to be?

Apparently, because life hated me. Of all the people in the world, and for all the years I'd been alive, fate decided to stick me with Peter mothereffing Pan. True love sounded nice, and from what I'd seen, it usually was, but when fate made monumental mistakes like that, it was like being chained to the wrong person. I was forced to love him, but not to like him.

All this and more ran through my head as I tried not to think about how fast Shadow was moving and how high up we were. I didn't even have to block out the fact that Pan's arm was slung around my waist to keep me from falling. It was the furthest thing from my mind. I had far bigger problems to think about, like Felix.

What would he think? Would he be angry with me for lying to him? But at the time, I wasn't lying, I scolded myself. Why would he be angry about something like that? Come to think of it, I don't think I've eve seen him angry. He hated me at first, but then we were just... family. Will I be able to handle it if he decides he hates me for lying to him?

As we landed, I came to one conclusion: he couldn't find out. Felix could not be allowed to know that Pan and I were soulmates.

The boys met us on the beach with big smiles on their faces. Felix looked exactly the same as he had before, which was unnerving. For the first time, I had an actual concept of what time was, and spending three decades away from home, only to find it as though we never left, was a bit unnerving.

"So Lily!" Felix said brightly, swinging an arm around me. Peter tensed, but said nothing as his best friend led me away from the group. "How'd you like the pirates? Were they good to you?"

"Pirates... Oh yeah, them." I'd long since stopped thinking about Hook and the crew of the Jolly Roger. I didn't have the option when we were under the curse, and so much had happened in the past hour that the thought hadn't even crossed my mind. "They were fine, I guess."

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Did one of them try to pull something indecent? Do I have to cut someone?"

"No, nothing like that," I laughed uneasily. I had to act normal while trying to act like I wasn't trying to act normal. That even confused me. "We had an unexpected visit from the Dark One."

Felix sobered up immediately, his arm tensing around my shoulders. "What did he do to you?"

"Honestly... I'm not exactly sure," I muttered. "If he wanted to make me and Pan miserable, he succeeded. He put us in hell for three decades."

He mouthed the words silently and I was reminded of how different time was on Neverland "Did Pan make the problem better or worse?"

I shrugged to cover the fact that he knew as well as I did. Pan had a weird habit of making a situation-- any situation --both better and worse at the same time. Felix knew it. I knew it. Hell, the queen of England probably knew it too. "We were in the same situation. I don't think it really made a difference."

"Oh." Felix didn't seem to know quite what to say. "I'll make sure you don't leave without someone with you anymore. How's that sound?"

I just yawned and nodded. Suddenly, I was incredibly tired. "Can I just go to sleep? It's been a really long day and I haven't slept right in ages." Not technically a lie. I hadn't slept right; I'd slept well, with Peter-- Pietro, I reminded myself. The distinction was necessary, as they were very different people --by my side, but it wasn't natural. Some magical force drew us together, and I was a very unwilling party. There was no part of this that was even remotely right.

He smiled at me in understanding. "It's almost lights out anyway. All things considered, I don't think Pan will have a problem with you going to bed a little early."

"God, I forgot how much I love you," I groaned.

He rolled his eyes and scooped me up, princess style. "Well, I guess I'd better remind you then. But we're going to talk about this later, and you're going to tell me everything at some point tonight."

I fell asleep on his shoulder, and for a while I forgot. I just forgot, and I was glad. Maybe I wasn't happy yet, but it was nice to forget.

Pan's POV

Watching her with Felix was like poking a bruise: painful, but impossible not to do. I knew there was nothing going on between them. Felix thought of her like the little sister he never had, and vice versa.

But they way they act, if I didn't know any better... No. I wouldn't open that door. It wouldn't accomplish anything, and I had bigger problems to deal with.

After lights out, I sat in my room. I'd found him. The boy that would save my life. And the best part was that I'd lived alongside him. I knew him, and I knew how very lost he was. A plan started formulating in my head for when Henry got here. And he would get here. That much was certain. The last boy that had been as lost as he was had been Felix himself, and that had worked out famously. At least until Lily had shown up.

I still remembered how she'd looked at me when I found her in the bushes near Mermaid Cove. She'd looked at me with this... this look. She'd been scared, alone, with no memories to speak of, but she'd still managed to give me more attitude than anyone had in centuries. And for whatever reason, I'd allowed it. Now I knew the reason, at least. I love her.

Go away, Pietro. You are not me. You will never be me. I pushed my alter ego out of my head. I'd had quite enough of him over the last thirty years.

I sat on my bed, a million things going through my head at once. Lily, Henry, Felix, this whole mess. The glow of the hourglass filled the room. Much as I hated it, the thing was a constant reminder of what I was fighting for. If I died when that sand ran out, they would be alone. Lily would be alone.

I flopped back on my bed heavily, remembering when I'd brought her here after Baelfire. Each Lost One had their own place on the island, but I'd never brought anyone here before. Not until her. It was weird; they all seemed to think that I didn't have to sleep. I slept and ate and bathed... Okay, I bathed sometimes. Occasionally. As much as the next boy. That wasn't the point.

And when I'd finally gotten the guts to kiss her, it had been when I thought we were doomed. I was a coward, even later on when I had the chance. As Pietro, I was too stupid to realize that she felt the same way, and as Peter Pan I was too callous. I wouldn't get another chance for a long time, if I could go by the emotions Lily was projecting. I went over the memory again and again, as if repetition would help me relive it. It was as good as it would get, but it wasn't enough. Not nearly enough. There was a physical ache in my chest when I wasn't near her.

Lily had seemed happy here, if only for a little while. Just like she'd seemed happy in Storybrooke when she'd finally realized that she wasn't alone. I hated how miserable she seemed all the time. She did a good job at hiding it, but I knew her too well. As much as she pretended to hate me, she was only ever really happy around me.

I, of all people, knew the difference between pure, unthinking joy and a reprieve from life. It didn't take a genius to tell which one happened to Lily more often.

A tug in my chest let me know that the pirates had returned. I let out a breath and stood up, transporting on deck. After all, I had a reputation to uphold, and those pirates had really screwed up, letting the Dark One on board.

*~*~*

Hours that felt like minutes later, I sat bolt upright in bed in a cold sweat. Something was wrong. Not just wrong, but earth-shatteringly not right. Something horrible was happening. Was it the pirates? I shook my head before the thought even finished in my head. They were docked, and not a single one was on the island. The fairies were quiet, as it was past curfew. That left the boys. From what I could see, everyone was where they were supposed to be except--

No. God, no. Not them. Not there. What the hell is going on?

What were they doing at that particular tree? I spent a little too long wondering, it seemed, because when I got to the tree, no one was there. Then a crackle of leaves alerted me to someone. I walked to the other side of the tree to see Felix on the ground, face in his hands. His shoulders shook as he cried.

"Felix, what happened, where's Lily? She was here a second ago." I knelt in front of him and put my hand on his shoulder.

He just shook his head before looking me dead in the eye. "How could you not tell me? Why did I have to hear it from her, and not my best friend?"

"Felix, we can talk about this later, but now that you know, you know exactly how important it is that you tell me where she is." The ache in my chest worsened with each passing minute. There was a strange irony in that for all the years Felix had managed to keep a secret from Lily, Lily couldn't keep one from him for even one day. It was lost in the excruciating tightening of my chest.

Felix still refused to answer the question. "You hurt her, Pan. Hurt me too, by default. Because I've been such terrible Lost Boy. A terrible lieutenant. Even though you knew how I felt, you decided that I deserved to be stung along a little longer, huh?" His voice cracked with unshed tears at the end.

"You knew a long time ago not to bark up that tree, Felix. No one strung you along, and you know that you're the best boy on this damn island. Now where is Lily?" The pain kept coming. I couldn't stand it much longer.

He shrugged. "She wasn't in the tent, so I went looking for her. When I found her here, she told me everything about Storybrooke and what happened between you two. I told her I was... in love with you, then she told me that she didn't want to do this and vanished. If you can't find her, it means she left the island for good."

It was as though Felix had taken my heart out of my chest and used a rusty saw to tear it apart. I fell to my hands and knees and screamed.The noise that came out of my mouth was inhuman and filled with so much pain that for a second it didn't even process. She's gone... She's really gone.

She left me alone.