~~~

I wasn't prepared.

I wasn't prepared for this. As we entered the ICU, my grip on Jake tightened. The air conditioner's cool air hit my face, making me feel colder. We were both dressed in scrubs. There were so many patients, some awoke while others slept.

Beep, beep, beep

The ICU became chaotic as nurses yelled,

"Bed 203 isn't responding," one of them exclaimed loudly.

The doctors dashed over to that bed. My hands began to shake as I prayed earnestly to God with each step I took—that may that bed never ever be my father's. It sounded selfish, but that's how it is right now.

"It's not his," Jake explained.

I breathed a sigh of relief and nodded.

"You are not allowed to cry in front of him."

I nodded, but my eyes were watering.

As we approached a specific bed, my heart thudded against my chest.

My mouth let out a soft cry, which I covered with my hands as tears streamed down my cheeks.

He had a plethora of Ivs, tubes, and machines attached to him. His eyes were closed, and I couldn't take in what he was going through.

A sob escaped my throat as I felt Jake squeeze my hands.

Dad opened his eyes; his gaze met mine, but he didn't greet me as he usually did. He didn't smile; instead, a single tear fell from his left eye as he stared at me.

He didn't move or do anything as another tear fell.

"You'll be fine," I whispered as I approached him and kissed his brow. I wiped his tears away and kissed his brow once more.

"Please, Miss, do not touch the patient."

"Her hands are sanitized, fuck off," Jake growled at the nurse.

Dad didn't nod, but instead murmured something through his oxygen mask.

"Yes?" I move closer to him,

"D-don't cry" He managed to say,

I couldn't take it any longer, and tears streamed down my cheeks as I stepped away from him.

"I'm not crying," I explained.

I wiped my eyes furiously, but my heart broke into a million pieces. Even in this state, what mattered to him was that I not cry.

As Jake approached dad, I stood there silently crying.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but I don't have the guts of meeting your eyes" Jake whispered, and I could see tears welling up in his eyes as he walked away.

I stood there stunned and filled with a range of feelings.

"They are preparing your operation table, you'll be fine," I murmured as I caressed his hair and kissed his brow.

"Miss, we need to run some pre-operative tests on the patient, so his surgery has been rescheduled for the morning."

I gave the nurse a nod.

"You'll be fine," I kissed his forehead again, "promise me, you'll be fine," I said quietly.

"Pro-omis-ee"

I left the ICU with a sad smile and tears in my eyes.

When I entered the hall, Jake was not there; mum sat beside Theo, and Sebastian stood in the corner. As questions swirled in my mind, I scanned the room for Jake.

I wanted to approach mum and demand answers, but the way her shoulders sagged and dark circles surrounded her eyes told me I couldn't.

Sebastian's gaze met mine, causing him to straighten up and silently inquire if I was okay.

I gave a nod.

My gaze was drawn to Theo's, who was staring off at the ground, and then, as if aware of my presence, he raised his gaze to mine.

"What the fuck is the matter with him?" Theo mouthed to me.

I shook my head.

"I'm not sure," I mumbled.

"Where did he go?" I inquired,

"He took the elevator." Sebastian replied.

I meekly nodded and directed my gaze to Theo and mum, silently pleading with him to stay with them.

And without any difficulty he understood and nodded.

It sometimes amazes me how easily we could communicate, how quickly he could grasp my mood and assist me in difficult situations. I'd think we were soulmates if I didn't know any better.

I walked down the corridor and pressed the elevator button to go down.

I shivered as a gush of cold air hit my face. It was probably 2 a.m. at the time. I would have assumed Jake had left if it hadn't been for the sound coming from the right end of the garden.

As I approached the bench, I noticed his shoulders silently shaking. I took a seat beside him and rested my hand on his shoulder.

I could feel tears soaking my shoulder as he rested his head on mine. My own eyes welled up with tears.

He kept sobbing, his shoulders shaking so violently that I turned around and hugged him. He tightened his grip on me as his cries grew louder.

There are times when the people we believe to be the happiest are actually the saddest.

My chest tightens as my brother sobs incessantly while holding me.

"Shh," I murmured, rubbing my hands against his back as my tears soaked the back of his t-shirt.

""I'm sorry," he sobbed, "I'm sorry I wasn't there with you. I'm sorry I couldn't save you from those monsters" He whispered, brokenly.

"It's alright. I forgive you"

It didn't surprise me that he was aware of the incident in the club that night. I had assumed he didn't, but later that night, when Seb had left my side to answer the phone, I overheard him discussing my health. I was heartbroken and disappointed in my brother because, despite knowing my condition, he didn't think it was necessary to visit his sister.

But, as I had done with so many of his other things, I hid it as well. Pretending I didn't know when, in fact, I was well aware of what he had done.

"It's not fucking fine," he exclaimed, "I disappointed you Ells, it was my fucking duty to save you from all the monsters, please forgive me, please forgive me for not being there."

"Jake, you can't save me from everything. I'm going to have to learn to fight my own battles "With a small smile on my face, I said.

"Even so, you shouldn't have to," he argued.

"Of course I have to, idiot, you won't always be there," I said, releasing my grip on him and raising my head to look into his eyes.

"I will be always there for you, Ells. I should have been there for you," he grumbled.

I nodded; I wouldn't say his absence didn't bother me; it did, but everything my brother did had a reason. I had the urge to ask him about what had happened earlier, but I didn't, even though I needed to.

"Sebastian had hid the fact from me that you knew, he instead told me he didn't want to stress you out and hence as you didn't know that's why you didn't query about me. I had overheard your conversation that night on the phone" I felt the urge to say.

"When I didn't come to meet you, he didn't talk to me for days."

To say I was surprised would be an understatement. Because, as far as I recall, he didn't like me all that much, but I wouldn't lie if I said butterflies erupted in my tummy like flowers blooming as warmth spread throughout my body.

"Why didn't you show up?" I inquired quietly.

Jake stiffened and removed his hands away from my body.

His entire body stiffened, and I could feel him pulling away from me.

"I wish we were still teenagers or younger," I murmured as I gazed into the darkness, the wind softly singing.

He laughed "Those were the golden years. What I wouldn't give to return there."

He looked up at the sky, and I did as well. The stars were shining brightly, and I attempted to connect them all to form a shape.

"I see a horse." Jake murmured.

"Shut up, where do you see a horse?" I rolled my eyes and attempted to connect each dot in order to see if I could see a horse.

But, no.

"You still have the worst vision, little sister," he smirked as he looked at me.

I slapped his shoulder.

"Oww!"

"Idiot," I muttered, rolling my eyes.

He pushed me while I pushed him, and we ended up tickling and laughing until our stomachs hurt. And for a split second, I felt as if we were back in our childhood, that nothing had changed, that there were no hidden secrets or lies.

We stopped laughing and continued to stare at the starry sky.

"I've got a girlfriend," Jake said quietly next to me.

I stiffened, had he just said what I thought I heard?

"What?" I grumbled. I could feel a protective shield forming in my chest.

"I have a girlfriend," he said, sounding as if he was testing the waters.

"You don't do girlfriends, Jake," I grumbled.

"But, I do have"

"All I'm saying is that you shouldn't lead a girl on—all right? It's not okay; don't lead her on if you're only going to cheat on her or break her heart later "I clenched my teeth.

I could feel myself becoming enraged. I wouldn't want even my worst enemy to feel the betrayal that I did from my ex.

"I fucking love her, Ells. And you know I'm not the type to cheat "I could tell he was frustrated by the tone of his voice.

"Jake, I love you. But I swear to God, if you cheat on this girl, even if she turns out to be a bitch-"

"She's anything but that," he interrupted.

I rolled my eyes.

"Then I'll do the holy work of chopping off your limbs and feeding them to the dogs," I said, ignoring him.

"I wouldn't have expected anything less," he joked.

"How is she doing? Is she nice?" I inquired quietly.

"She's a fucking angel, Els," he sighed audibly, his eyes glistening with adoration for her.

Despite the overprotectiveness in my chest, I was relieved that he was happy.

I'm sure I'll have to welcome her with open arms.

"Don't blame me if I punch her face if she acts like the other bitches you hooked up with in high school," I grumbled.

"Well, I'm sure you'll love her, hopefully, because I can't take sides," Jake joked, chuckling.

"Guardedly optimistic," I muttered.

"She's pregnant, by the way," he said so casually that it didn't register with me at first.

"Oh, that's fantastic."

Wait-What?

Jake burst out laughing when he saw the expression on my face. I'm not sure if it was perplexed or shocked.

"Wait, what?" I exclaimed.

"She's pregnant," he said, amused.

"With your child?" I was completely taken aback.

"Yes," it sounded like a resounding 'duh.'

Oh my goodness.

"Are you serious? That's such an amazing news!" I threw myself on him and pushed him off the bench.

"Oomph, you fatso, get off me," he said with a laugh.

"Oh my lord, you're going to be a father! I'm going to be an aunt!" I exclaimed, slamming my fist into his chest while laughing.

My eyes were welling up with tears.

"We've grown up, Jake. I can't believe you're going to be a father," and the tears flow once more.

He gave me a sad smile and cradled me in his arms.

"That makes no difference," he murmured in my hair.

"It does- you'll have more responsibilities," I joked, raising my head to see his expression.

He laughed and shook his head.

"Will you now give my Liv a chance?"

I nodded, ignoring the fact that my brother was completely whipped.

And just like that, as the stars shone brightly, a new excitement for the baby bubbled up in my chest.

I was curious if this had anything to do with his previous actions.

"Is that why you weren't able to come meet me?" After a while, I inquired,

He tensed and nodded.

"Yes, Liv had suddenly become ill," he admitted quietly.

If there was one thing my brother could never do, it was lie on my face since he would always take his gaze away from me and look elsewhere. And he was doing it right now.

"Tell me the truth when you're ready; there's no reason to lie," I advised.

He didn't seem surprised at all, as if he knew I'd catch his lie somehow.

"It's not a complete lie, but I'll let you know when I'm ready."

I nodded and squeezed his hand.

They took Dad to the operating room at 7 a.m. Mum and dad were both crying, and I could feel the fear seeping into my veins.

I stood in the corner, surrounded by Seb and Jake, while Theo stood beside Jake and mum sobbed on dad's chest.

"If I die, you're not allowed to get another husband," dad grumbled as mum kissed his cheek. He looked a lot better than he did a few hours before.

"Oh, that would be so sad for me," Mum glared, whacking his tummy slightly.

"Woman," Dad laughed softly, but I could see tears welling up in his eyes.

"I will return to you, my love," he murmured.

I felt honored to learn about my parents' love; the way they supported, protected, and made up after each of their fights, I don't think I could ever feel that way with someone like that.

But then again, I think I could feel something similar to them with someone.

As if on cue, a large calloused palm slid into my palm and squeezed it. I looked up to see his ocean blue eyes; sometimes I forget how stunningly beautiful and strikingly handsome he is.

He was staring at me with softness in his eyes, and I wasn't sure what my expression was.

"He'll be fine," he mouthed.

I nodded, my heart pounding against my chest, making me tear my gaze away from him, but I did notice him frowning.

With a kiss on my father's brow, I tell him to go fight his battles; he'll be fine. Something inside of me was certain that he would be fine.

But that didn't stop me from being terrified and sobbing while holding mum.

Mum told us to go home and freshen up, because I was still in my nightgown, but I declined.

Hours flew by in agony. After tears, arguments with doctors, and my mother's prayers, a nurse emerged from the OT and informed us that the operation had been a success.

Relief flooded through our veins; everyone turned and hugged each other with tears, while I slammed myself on Sebastian and hugged him tightly, not knowing if he was in his senses or not because he tightened his grip on me, almost as if we got caught today and he didn't care.

I sobbed in his chest as he whispered soft words into my ears.

And I presume that was the moment I realized there was no turning back.