~~~

Loneliness had been a part of my life since I was a child. I was always alone. Despite the fact that I was surrounded by many friends and people, there was always an emptiness that resided inside me.

Perhaps it was a sense of abandonment, or perhaps it was a sense of never being accepted.

I'm not sure.

But the feeling had vanished today, just as it had the first time Ells and I watched a movie together. When she insisted on watching 'The Lion King' and not allowing me to watch any sports channel. What surprised me was that she preferred to watch an animated film rather than a chicklit.

That's when I realized she was different, and maybe that's when I realized I was in a big trouble.

I'm not going to lie, I enjoyed that movie, but I'm never going to tell her that.

And today, for the first time in a long time, I felt at ease and contented. Amidst feeling lonely once more, I felt better after returning to my fucking reality, and so much lighter that I felt like I could fucking breathe.

I sat at her headstone for another hour, oblivious to the heavy rain, and talked to mum about my life, pretending she was there, listening to me.

And when the thunder started, I decided to leave.

"I'll be back," I promised, smiling.

I closed my eyes and hoped she smiled back.

I drove to Nona's house with a much warmer heart than usual. She had invited us over and informed us that guests would be arriving.

Just as I arrived at Nona's, the sky started clearing. A part of me didn't want to be here because I thought he might be.

However, the likelihood was too remote. He didn't even acknowledge me during the seminar when I stood beside Nona, despite noticing my appearance. Regardless of how tight Nona's grip on my hands had tightened when she noticed how he didn't spare me a glance, the feeling of rejection from him sliced my heart once more.

I walked inside without giving the man another thought. Nona, as usual, greeted me with her warm smile, not questioning how I was so soaked, it's as if she knew.

I dashed upstairs to change into clean clothes and freshen up. When I got downstairs, I was greeted by all of our family members' faces except my father's.

"How are you doing, son?" Uncle Terry pulled me in for a hug, and I hugged him back a little tighter.

He's been more of a father figure to me than my own father.

He squeezed me even tighter, as if he could sense how I was feeling.

Aunt Tasha smiled and ruffled my hair. A smile she reserved for her closest friends and family.

"Sebastian has grown in stature. I've been waiting for you for a long time" She stated,

While I couldn't help but chuckle at her remark, I could see the sadness in her eyes.

She had a close relationship with my mother.

"Life had been hectic," I said quietly as I drew her into a hug.

"Hectic doing what? Girls?" I could feel her eyes rolling in my chest.

I chuckled quietly at her response. I'd be mad if it had been someone else, but it's her, the only mother figure I have left on this planet.

Uncle Terry drew a wary sigh and said, "Tasha."

"What?" She poked him in the ribs, daring him to say anything.

"Nothing," he replied, looking at me and shrugging, as if to say I was on my own.

I laughed again, thinking, fuck, I missed this, I missed home. I yearned for my family.

"It doesn't make me feel good that both our sons are hooking up and fucking random girls on a daily basis," she grumbles, rolling her eyes.

Our sons.

I don't pay attention to the flutter in my chest.

"Mum, they hurl themselves at us. We don't go around begging" Luke mumbles, not looking up from his phone, drawing my attention to his presence on the sofa.

"It's in the genes, babe," Uncle Terry says with a smirk.

"Oh, yes? How many girls did you sleep with when you were their age?" She inquired, and the laughter that erupted from my and Luke's mouths was indescribable.

While Uncle Terry and Aunt Tasha were muttering, I approached Luke; whatever had transpired, nothing should have harmed our friendship.

"Hey," I said, sitting across from him on the sofa.

He raised his head,

"Hey, cuz," he replied, a little tug on his lips appears.

He was a good kid, and still is, I don't know what changed.

We had a brief business conversation while completely ignoring the elephant on the plate.

After a while, I noticed Jocelyn sitting next to me; she informed me that Nona had invited her to dinner. I was glad because she was a good friend of mine. Nona probably meant she was the guest.

Dinner was served, and everyone gathered around the table. Grandpa smiled and patted my back as I greeted him. When he was reading the newspaper, he didn't engage in many conversations.

I was thanking the fucking Lord for the food because I was fucking starving. Nona, on the other hand, refused to let us begin, claiming that more guests were on their way. I groaned quietly and cursed those fucking guests.

I didn't noticeably relax until Nona left after being informed that her lovely latecomers had arrived.

But the moment the scent of her light and sweet perfume entered my nostrils, that relaxed posture vanished. I didn't raise my head until Luke summoned his Eli.

His Eli, my fucking ass.

I kept staring at her, but she ignored me as usual. Dressed in a top and flared jeans, she raised the demand for her outfit. Make her wear a sack and she will still look fucking sexy in that.

Her jeans hugged the curve of her hips, and I was suddenly envious of her jeans.

What the fuck?

She completely ignored me and spoke with Luke and Nona the entire time.

So she can talk to him while ignoring me.

Fucking fantastic.

Nona asked Jen, Maver, and Ells to sit after they exchanged peasantries.

And let me tell you, if I was planning on getting good with Luke, I retract that statement. He's just a fucking small dick.

I was going to kindly make Ells seat beside by asking Jocelyn to sit on the next chair, not caring if she or anyone else thought it was strange; but, oh my fucking god, that dickhead just had to get up from his seat as well, and had the audacity to ask Ells to seat beside him.

The fucking tiny dick.

In rage, I clenched my jaws and wanted to smack and punch him in the face. But I didn't do it. Instead, I took three deep, silent breaths to calm myself. That was the moment her eyes met mine; so many emotions swirled within them, I didn't know what mine displayed but for a brief moment, I felt like she felt the same pull, that maybe- just maybe- she wanted to reach out to me.

But that's just my fucking imagination at work.

Nona shared Dickhead's childhood stories as the conversation flowed, and as much as I enjoyed looking at her smile, I wished it was for me. I wanted her to laugh and smile at my memories of childhood, not his.

That, however, would never happen. Because I have no fucking memories of my family here. I was shipped off to a fucking wealthy boarding school to live my life alone.

I had no childhood memories and will never have any. Els will never be able to smile and laugh at my stories like she did for Luke.

I don't think she'd smile at anything related to me, but I'd like to believe she would. That girl is as perplexing as fuck.

I couldn't stop staring at her, at the way her eyes crinkled and how she laughed at some of the stories; she had such a good heart. And if she noticed me staring at her constantly, she didn't object.

Jocelyn was constantly blabbering beside me, and I had this fucking strong desire to tell her to shut the fuck up. But I didn't do it.

I continued to eat quietly while nodding in response to what she said that I didn't hear.

The conversations were flowing, and everyone was having a good time.

But it was Ella's sudden tense shoulder and stiff posture that drew my attention. Luke and she both looked down. He gave her a fucking smile and moved his hand.

That's when the beast inside me snapped. I couldn't keep it under control, anymore.

How dare he fucking touch her?

How dare he fucking have the audacity to touch and sit beside her after cheating on her for months?

And is she really that oblivious that she can't see what he wants?

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

I hate this. I hate how I am feeling. I hate the anger towards my brother and his ex. I hate that I want to go and punch him in the face.

And I fucking hate that I want to get up, drag her out of her seat, and fuck her senselessly in my room.

She drives me insane.

And if I stay there any longer, I'll fucking lose my shit.

Fuck.

My knuckles turned white as I clenched my fist.

I rose from my chair, gritting my teeth and oozing anger; everyone's attention was drawn to me, as was hers.

I kept staring at them, the two of them, hoping my expression didn't reveal anything.

I received my answer after one last look into her doe-like brown eyes.

She was fucking innocent, and she had no idea that her ex-boyfriend still wanted her.

I turned to Nona and said, "I'll be right back."

Her smile quickly conceals her disappointment.

I didn't return to the table for the rest of the meal, instead decided on residing in my room and staring at the moon.

Because, despite shining brightest at night, the moon, like me, was alone.

Alone in its pain, misery and happiness.