~~~

After the seminar, I didn't stay long. Despite the fact that it was fucking strange to talk to Ells in front of Nona while pretending to be a stranger, I felt fucking entertained.

I have absolutely no idea why.

And there was this undeniable need to hit Luke's fucking face, which left me with the need to leave.

Joselyn had been a childhood friend of mine, her father and mine were business partners, and I was glad she was still the same. She was still very attractive in a red gown and exuded the same amusing aura.

I was relieved to see the light that still shone in her face; not all of us can keep our lights on.

A gentle breeze blew in my face, causing me to inhale the aromas of wood, mud, and pine trees.

I didn't spend a lot of my childhood here. I held memories that seemed to fade as I grew older.

The sky was clouded over with gray clouds. I looked ahead at the white headstone in front of me, which read Medeline Greyson in silver cursive handwriting; a daughter, wife, mother, and savior, it said.

Her grave was adorned with her favorite flowers, fresh white jasmine and pink roses.

The thought of who might have spread these flowers and decorated them came to mind; perhaps Nona had asked someone to do it, or perhaps some of my mother's admirers did it.

After all, she was adored by millions of people.

But I was grateful to whoever did it. Someone else did what I should have done.

As I stood in front of her after ten years, my heart breaks with the same agony.

The last time I was here was after a fight with my father on a fucking drunken night. Because the sober me would not have had the courage to approach her and stand in front of her. She would have been disgusted with the way her son had turned out.

I stood there emotionless, my heart aching with pain. I vowed not to cry because I didn't deserve to cry in front of her.

I didn't fucking deserve her sympathy.

When my vision begins to blur, I close my eyes; as tears stream down my cheeks, I fall to my knees and sob.

I could hear some distant screams, but it wasn't until my throat became sore that I realized it was me.

Memories of our short timespan together flashed through my mind, causing me to shake with anguish.

It never strips away the ache in my chest.

I feel a gentle caress in my cheeks as the wind blows softly. I close my eyes and picture her sitting next to me.

As I sit in front of her, her honey-brown eyes meet mine. She was dressed in a white gown, and not a single wrinkle of age could be seen on her face.

She was still very classically beautiful.

"Hey, mum," I whispered as another tear fell from my eyes.

"Hey, baby," she whispered with a smile.

I didn't give a fuck anymore. I didn't care if it was a figment of my imagination or if it was real. What was mattered was that she was here, with me.

"You didn't come to meet me," she charged, her soft voice carrying that beautiful demanding aura.

"I was scared," I gulped, "that you wouldn't like to see what I've become."

She cracked a smile.

"No, I wouldn't. But, no matter how angry I am, I still miss my young boy, my little wolf." She smiled, blinking her tears away.

"I know it's hard, baby, but you're doing so well, I'm so proud of you, and please stop with your fuckboy antics," she rolled her eyes at the last remark.

In the midst of my tears, I chuckled.

"You've matured into such a handsome young man. You look exactly like him," she whispered as she looked at me.

Him. I knew exactly who the fucking'him' was. But just as much rage flowed through my fucking veins. I kept it under wraps because I didn't want her to see it. Despite the fact that she is a part of my imagination, there is no way she could see my rage towards her husband.

I gave a nod.

I'm not sure why I said the next words, but I did. Perhaps it was the overwhelming feeling in my heart, or the need to express my emotions to someone.

"You know, there's this girl," I boasted, smiling at her thought.

Despite the pain in my heart, the thought of her doe-like fucking innocent eyes that aren't so innocent; witty remarks and sassy remarks; and even her scrunching nose in anger was enough to relieve some of the ache in my chest.

The roll of her eyes or the sound of her laughter, I don't know, what's this yearning that's building in my chest.

Mum remained silent beside me, I went on,

"She's the most annoying woman on the planet," I chuckled, "but my heart seems to enjoy all her clumsiness and glares she throws my way. But mum, you know what? She's an angel. My guardian. She's so fucking gorgeous that it hurts to look at her from afar; I just want her beside me, draped in my arms. I just want her doe-like eyes to look at me with the same longing they had that day."

I want her to scream my name in ecstasy, devour her pussy, bend her across every table and fuck her senselessly, take her against the wall, make her moan in the shower. Make her know what it's like to be pleasured.

And show her what it's like to be mine.

But I'm afraid I can't.

"She's off-limits to me. She is not only Jake's younger sister, but also Luke's ex-girlfriend "I clenched my teeth at the last sentence

I despise all the males in her school-college life who fucking drooled by watching the sway of her fucking hips, not that I blame them, but it fucking enrages the core of my heart. I despise every man who has ever been turned on and has jerked off by the mere thought of her.

If I keep thinking like that, I'll fucking lose it.

"Do you realize what's going on with you?" My mother gives me a soft smile.

Do I know?

I sigh and shake my head.

"You'll figure it out," she says with a smile.

"But if it's worth it, you should never give up fighting for it; because once you lose it, you lose it forever."

I nodded as her words rang in my ears like fucking bells.

"What's her name?"

"Arabella," I said, the sound of her name on my tongue calming my heart.

"Like a lioness?" she asks.

"Like a lioness," I smiled as pride besieged my veins.

I had no idea why I had distanced myself from her; I had no desire to fucking lie about the fact that her ignorance didn't injected like poison into me, which it fucking did. And that I didn't fucking care if she ignored me. I fucking did care. I'm not sure why I fucking said we should move on from whatever happened a few days ago, but I did.

There were so many reasons, but two of them stood out. First, she was off-limits; Jake might murder me for it, but she was worth every drop of my blood.

But what consumed me was the fact that I didn't deserve her; while I was tainted with darkness, she was the light that shone brighter than the sun, and I couldn't take that away from her. No matter how badly I want her, her happiness will always be my top priority in my mind and heart.

I can't imagine her with another man, and whatever happens, I'll try to remain as calm as possible.

Time flew by as I talked to mum about everything that was going on in my life, and we didn't even mention dad once, which made me internally sigh in relief.

As raindrops caressed my cheek, I opened my eyes and just like that,

She was gone, and the pain had returned.