"i hate you."

𝕿o osamu, his brother atsumu was born with a punchable face.

only atsumu and no one else in the world could drive osamu with rage the way atsumu did. it was the wild fury and spite he felt that shaped his world, that steadied him on his feet and the blood kissing his bones were the tattoos of their brothership and forgiveness for each other. deep within osamu, he wants nothing more than to punch atsumu, kick him, scream till his throat dries and shrivels. however, osamu is also terrified that if he connects his fist onto atsumu's cheek right now,

he will no longer wake up.

the days were countless and more abstract and monotone of colours everytime osamu steps into the room where atsumu laid helplessly and wordlessly, the heart monitor gives osamu relief and he closes the door behind him. in osamu's eyes the room was silent and it seem to die everyday when the ash-grey haired boy visits. he picks up the flowers he bought and tucks them into the vase beside the bed. he brushes the petals softly, the colour gold like atsumu's dyed lemon hair.

without atsumu by his side everyday, things had turned into routines and he grew quiet by the day, daydreamed a lot than usual, ate lesser. the silence present in the room scratches osamu's ear, the heavy scent of lemons and bandages are burning his lungs. with a shaky breath, he turns to meet atsumu's sleeping face, closely observing the way his breath was shallow, cheeks an ashy pale in colour, and his lashes that fluttered; osamu cannot help but frown, his heart beating loudly in his chest. (even in atsumu's sleep, he looks in pain. )

"i hate you." osamu surprises himself by how heavy his words were when they left his pomegranate lips. they spilled like puddles on the floor, like a million hidden colours storming in his mind. the hate, sadness, frustration, shock, devastation, melancholy all merged and mixed on the floor before them. osamu inhales, his nails biting his palms when he continues, "i hate you for getting sick, this won't be the reason why you'll drop your future. did you forget, what about us 'tsumu?"

slowly, atsumu cracks his eyes open. his bright blond hair had turn pale and those dark eyes now washed-out ( he looked sick and tired–osamu hates his eyes that peer up at him happily. ) "is this how ya greet me, 'samu? it's been awhile since i've heard you speak around me."

osamu would not dare himself to cave in, but right at this moment, he was on his breaking point. he wouldn't admit how he needed atsumu in his life, how much his annoying personality was built like poetry in osamu's bones, the twins were born together, fought their wars together and no matter the amount of squabbles and fight and the spiteful words they spat at each other would dare change their bond.

( but osamu's sun is decaying. ) and he knew the days were short until everything will end in a heartbeat.

"if i asked ya to forgive me, will ya do it?" atsumu's voice was small when he speaks, so broken and fallen. osamu doesn't want to hear him anymore.

"i'll forgive you when you get better, no, you will get better."

"'samu."

"no, fuck you tsumu. i don't want to hear it." the laugh that broke from the blond's cracked lips was the only piece of joy left that he could taste on the tip of his tongue, however, it was short lived when it was followed by painful coughs and wheezes, it looked like laughing also caused him pain and osamu's eyes burned.

"it has always been me and you against the world, ain'nit?" atsumu says, "no one else could hit us like how we hit each other, you always had my back and you had mine. so, at the end of the day 'sumu, i hope you know i still love you."

the truth had always been that the both of them loved each other dearly, osamu knew that if atsumu was in deep trouble he will come running to rescue him, if atsumu's lungs are rotten, he'd trade his in a heartbeat. if he could, he would. and no matter how much atsumu walks ahead of him, the blond twin would always wait for osamu to catch up before turning the corner.

breathless and speechlessly, osamu leans in and rubs his thumb on atsumu's cheek, collecting the crystal tear that slipped from his sick brother's face, but atsumu's finger could not reach over when diamonds melted and spilled down osamu's cheeks. the dark shades of sunlight paints the room in absent tones. melancholy filling their glass hearts, "you want me to be honest samu?"

"my body hurts so much," atsumu whines and osamu felt his soul crack in half and the tears wouldn't stop cascading down his cheeks. "i, i cannot take it anymore. it's painful samu, make it stop."

"tell me what to do." osamu asks, in a panic whisper. "tell me what you want, anything. and i'll do it." osamu caves in deep deep deep, and he could feel a part of him dying inside.

"i'm hungry," atsumu falters, eyes fluttering.

"then, do you want onigiri, tsumu?" but osamu never received a reply. deep down, osamu knew his brother was still here with him. atsumu was still here when he continued crying and whining for his twin.

osamu cried in pain like his soul had died, maybe it did.

end.