I can't tell you how I feel.

Why is that?

Because you'll be disappointed.

What's the point of rushing,

rushing into something you're not even sure you want?

Why say like when it's so close to love?

Why would I say love,

when I know it's gonna make me break?

I also thought that I was strong,

but today I've realized it was all armor and now that I'm finally bare,

it hurts more than ever.

I feel like I'm dying and I have no home,

no place for me on this earth.

My loved ones has tricked me,

they have convinced me of they're false ways

and now I see the way they actually are.

I have lost loved ones,

and I didn't want to,

I really didn't want to.

I have almost no one now.

It's just me and god,

the only person who has been there for me.

I really want to go home to a place where I'm loved,

but where is that?

Tears roll out of my eyes,

I'm crying for myself,

is that selfish?

If so I can't help this selfishness.

I have try countless times to hide,

to live a kind and beautiful life,

but I keep breaking,

cracking

and now I'm sand.

You can't even hold me,

I have nothing but god and dreams to comfort me,

dreams that I fail to accomplish,

no matter how hard I try.

Now I'm officially dead,

I can't be alive anymore.

And no I'm not killing myself,

I'm not losing another loved on,

even though sometimes I'm a hated one.

I try to understand but I'm tired,

I try to work toward my dream even through my trials,

but why,

why everytime I feel as if I'm about to be somewhere,

somewhere I can call home.

I fall,

hard,

so hard that I'm back in the place I started,

I'm confused.

I can't process what's happened,

and I have no one to help.

Who am I to tell and get a response?

I need a hug,

but I can't get one,

because only one person knows as much as I do,

and I can only imagine his hugs,

it brings me comfort,

but also reminds me that there is really no one here to hug.

I can't anymore...