《My Taboo Disease》3/29/17
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I am so unbelievably excited to tell you all that I had the MOST incredible PT appointment yet. I moved up 2 dilators in one session and we are going to be able to attempt sex soon.
I know this is gonna sound totally weird...but the fact that I could get a dilator of a normal size in is like unreal. I've experienced so much pain and discomfort it felt like I was officially closed off, like my vagina would never be normal. So seeing that I could get the second to last dilator in with little discomfort was like unreal.
So like I said, my fiancé and I can attempt sex when I feel ready. That being said, I need to get in the right mindset. Dr. Sullivan said that it's normal if we don't succeed the first few times and not to freak out if we don't. Well as you guys know, I am really good at freaking out. I don't know if you remember but just a few weeks ago I had trouble dilating at home and uh...freaked the fuck out. So I need to get in the right mind set.
The other complicated part is I need to get on birth control (no babies for us yet...no matter how bad my baby fever is lol!). Dr. Goldstein (my specialist who performed the surgery in San Diego, CA told me absolutely NO hormonal birth control-I need an IUD. Dr. Sullivan said today absolutely NO IUD- I need to go on the pill. She says no IUD because it hurts going in which can trigger a traumatic vaginismus response, and she said that people with my condition can not have a foreign body in for a long period of time because it will trigger a response...Dr. Goldstein says no hormonal birth control because it can make women sensitive. I'm a little confused since we ruled out that it was 100% not a hormonal problem...so I don't think I would relapse...especially since you know, the vestibule was actually taken out.
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So we have to figure that out. I am very pro-birth control. As much as I trust my fiancé with condoms and all, I want to be in control as I'm sure you ladies understand.
So being a woman is hard. It's complicated and often uncomfortable. Being a woman with congenital neuroprolific provoked vestibuledaniya and secondary vaginismus...well that just makes it a party haha!
Even with this little problem I'm still psyched. It feels unreal that this surgery actually worked so well and I'm progressing so fast. I've been struggling with this for 11 years and BAM it's like all the sudden it's finally coming to an end. Wow what will I do with myself when I'm not freaking out about my vagina?! lol!
When I spoke to psychiatrists, I told them the only reason I was depressed was because of this. I told them if it got fixed I would no longer be depressed.
Unfortunately, that may be true if I had fixed this when I was 12 years old. Unfortunately I waited like 8 years and 11 years of depression has taken root in me. I'm a little put off that it hasn't just magically disappeared lol. Yesterday I got in a car accident that I caused...I felt (and still do) so incredibly guilty that this giant wave of depression fell over me and I lost it. I understand this isn't going to go away as I cure my vaginismus. It's going to take a lot more time than that and while I'm working on it, wow I'm so confused haha. I really was like 100% convinced I wouldn't have this if I could just fix my disorder. It feels weird. I'm sure those of you who struggle with this understand what I'm going through and for that I am SO thankful.
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I am SO thankful for all of the incredibly kind comments and messages I've received. Like wow you guys, you have kept me going! The fact that I can put this all out there and get nothing but support back from total strangers...wow. I promise I'll do another round of questions that you guys have messaged me, I just got busy and uh...lazy.
Anyhoo, thanks for reading, reach out to me if you feel inclined. I'll update you soon!
xoxoxoxoxoxo
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Finding Stardust
"A man should have a bucket list, don't you think? It'd be nice to see 24 sunsets with you one day." - Haoran Lee "Do you want to see how I would light up the sky for you?" - Crown Prince Therius "I will be there till the stars don't shine." - Xion The Time Master >>>>>On her 17th birthday, Emma Stardust suddenly woke up on top of the Eiffel tower, completely oblivious of how she got there. And then she realized that she could fly. Suddenly all her senses became enhanced and she could also control the earth's elements? She finally realized that her powers were the secret to her past and her missing parents, a royal princess, and a formidable general from a planet called Akkadia who escaped their home planet because they loved each other. Emma was resolute in finding them even if it means she had to go to the end of the universe. Will she meet her parents again? Will she find Akkadia? Will her powers bring her companies... or enemies? Follow Emma's journey as she unravels the mystery surrounding her past and her future, and finds true love in the process. If you like strong FL, space, astronomy, magic, science, and slice-of-life.. You will be spoiled by this book!
8 179Exceptional Normalcy (A Pokemon Fanfiction)
Follow the story of a man whose name cannot be recalled. He will find himself in a place that should not exist, in a world much different than our own. What can he possibly do when even his own memories are taken from him and the only thing remeaning is a slight feeling of loss. When he finds himself in a body different than his own. What will he possibly find on his journey as he overcomes the challenges thrown at him? ___________________________________________________ This is a Pokemon fan fiction. I do not own Pokemon and will not make any profit whatsoever from this story. I write this story for fun and will make many mistakes. The updates on this story will also be very irregular. You have been warned.
8 162Prover
Humanity's biggest screen loader, the Program, has arrived. And with him its overworked employees. And magic. With enough effort, you can do anything. The world is not divided into the "magically talented" ones and the less lucky. No hidden bloodlines. Just sheer will. And thinking, because hitting the wall with your head can take you only so far. Nature of the world changes and so do people. New jobs, hierarchy and lifestyle. It's time to explore. It's time to give kids in school another bunch of compulsory subjects. It's time to add new government bills and taxes. But most importantly, it's time to face some thriling challenges. Lets have some fun. A note from Author: - this is not lit-rpg, you won´t find any blue screens or floating numbers - no harem - no OP mc - the Program may have some similarities with the System from other works, but will try to keep it at minimum - calm mc, sometimes calculating but not emotionless When you find grammar or other errors, please send me a message or write in comments, thank you. cover source: Pinterest
8 275The Long Road
Ryan was on the run, running as far as he could from whatever was following him. Traveling down Interstate I95 on foot as he left the city behind him. He hitched his way down from Maine and walked the rest of the way, but walking into a rest area may have his hole life flip upside down and someone new coming after him for what he discovers. Could he clear his name before the law threw him behind the Irons?
8 77All The Lonely People
Based on a true story. A love is lost and a love remains. Our narrator has lost his wife to cancer and struggles to understand her loss while trying to raise his daughter. His journey of loss and discovery takes him across past and present, space and time.
8 92Runway | MHA + Reader | Book 2 On The Run
Y/n's father was kidnapped. As was she just days before. Instead of leaving it to the pros, she takes everything into her own hands. Cannon was murdered by y/n with her trusty gun. Yeah, mentions of gun. Also mommy issues. Major?? Minor?? Idk character death.
8 92