About a month and a half ago I hit the part of recovery where I could start physical therapy again, but just using the biofeedback I mentioned before. Unfortunately, when I came in for my appointment, they were missing a piece and had to order it to get the machine up and running. It was supposed to take only a week, so I scheduled my appointments out a month in advance. I had to cancel every single appointment because they still didn't have the necessary parts, and on Wednesday I finally got the call that they had it. Unfortunately, I won't be starting PT again for two more weeks, because the one day I have in my schedule to fit it in I need to go to the doctor to check out these migraines I have been having. I thought they were from the pain meds, but I've been off of those since week five, and I'm still getting constant head aches. So unfortunately, my one day devoted to PT will have to be filled with that, so hopefully I'll be able to start Feburary 1st.

Things have been tough lately, with going back to school and working about thirty hours a week, I find it hard to take time for myself in all of the business. When I have a moment of downtime between work and school though, I have to find ways to fill it by something like reading, writing on here, going to the gym, anything to keep my mind busy. Otherwise I start to sink into that black hole of depression.

Since I was twelve and I discovered my condition, it's always been something constantly running through my mind. Even when I'm not thinking about it, I'm thinking about it which causes lots of stress. Sometimes, if I take too long of a lazy moment, I'll start to get real serious about things and it turns into a crying moment. I think about how guilty I still sometimes feel that Shane picked me. I think about what it would be like to feel more normal and not have this hanging over my head all the time. I wonder if this surgery was really the answer or if it will be another failure, and then I wonder if it is then what next? Am I going to be some unsolvable puzzle for the rest of my life?