i didn't really care, but alex offered to take me shopping. again, feeling terrible for saying yes, i told him i'd pay him back with the money i made from art commissions. it still would take a while, but i could do it.

neither of us wanted to go out, so we just went online. the two of us made fun of the awful designs on some of the sites, laughing at how obviously uncomfortable they were.

one of the dresses was so bad, alex was absolutely dead on the floor. i took a video of it and sent it to karl on his phone. karl ended up facetiming alex, and started laughing, even though he didn't know what was going on.

"karl, alex has been like this for more than a few minutes. please help." i turn the camera so it's facing him.

"wha-what happened? actually, don't answer that. WE HAVE A SITUATION!" karl shouts.

after a few more moments of laughter, he finds his composure. "yes?"

"so, i ran a poll of who fans would like to see for our jackbox tonight, and reyna, you won." he says.

"what." my face drops. "why was i even on the poll?"

"i don't know, they really like you!" i can see karl stick his hands up in defense. "you even beat corpse with votes."

"holy shit." i look at alex for confirmation.

"you're fucking famous." he yells. "you need to get a twitter, and then you can start streaming!"

"no, no and absolutely fucking not."

"why not?" karl pouts.

"because i'm going to get canceled the second i open my mouth." that part was true. i tend to joke about my trauma, and people would definitely take it the wrong way or even worse, get triggered.

"do you want to?" alex asks me in a slightly softer tone.

i go to shout 'no', but i stop before i can say anything. because i did want to. i saw how content and happy alex was when he was streaming. i saw how many good things happened because of streamers.

but most importantly, it looked like a ton of fucking fun. i could literally get paid to talk to my friends for a few hours.

"yeah. i do." my voice is quiet, but it's like a wrecking ball through a brick wall.

"what's stopping you?" karl asks. i almost forgot he was here.

"cancel culture." i say simply.

"oh fuck that. one of my friends got 'canceled' like six times. as long as you don't really really fuck up you're fine." alex says while waving his hands around.

"plus, you're not a bad person. if someone gets canceled, it should be because they don't deserve their platform, but i can see you making good content." karl adds.

"can i just, be in a few videos first?" it was a lot to just jump into.

"yes! let's start with another jackbox game tonight." i hear karl jump.

"there's going to be more people though." alex points out.

"how many?" i ask.

"seven, not including you." he responds.

"im gonna have to get used to this." i mumble. "okay fine let's do it."

both karl and alex cheer, causing a small smile to break out on my face. i hide it by pinching my nose in annoyance.

"dios mío i need a drink." i say as i sit down.

"what are their names again?" i was in the car with alex. we were heading back to his house after a small stop at a drug store. i wanted to pick up some makeup and skin shit so i didn't look like a cracker on stream. i had used some makeup before, but it's been a while. it was nice, not having to steal it.

"okay, so we have me and karl, you know us." he turns to me and winks, and i push his face so that he's facing the road again. "damn, okay. so there's tommy, ranboo, george, sapnap and techno. do you want a run down on all of them?"

"yeah." it sounded like all guys, which kinda sucked.

"okay so tommy and ranboo are children, there's another one but you don't know him yet. they're like 16 i think. tommy is the loudest motherfucker ever, he's like the human form of adhd. like worse than me. ranboo's chill, he's funny too. techno or technoblade, is fucking scary. he's all monotoned but is all about killing orphans and anarchy. sapnap is super funny but in the chad way. tommy's up there too. lastly, my favorite, george. he's a bitch, but he's funny sometimes i guess." he must've said all of that in three breathes at most. i had to focus only on him to make sure i knew what he was saying.

"o-okay." i stutter, slightly intimidated by how fast he could talk.

eyeliner was easier than i remembered, but goddamn i looked good in it. i checked my face in alex's phone before joining the call. alex was going to the bathroom and getting snacks. i wanted to prove that i could make friends, and that i didn't help in doing so.

immediately, i was greeted by absolute chaos. there was an animal like screech and multiple people yelling at each other. most of the yelling calmed down when they saw that 'quackity' had joined, but one voice didn't stop.

"-AND NEVER SAY THAT ABOUT THE QUEEN!" a british voice scratches my ears, making me wince.

"aw what the fuck." i groan.

"that is not big q." another voice laughs, this one is deeper.

"reyna!" the only one i recognize, karl, greets.

"REYNA, ME GUSTA!" the same british voice yells.

"oh god tommy shut the fuck up." a different voice says. my heads practically spinning, there's so many new voices to memorize.

a hand on my shoulder makes me jump, but i turn to see it's just alex. he gives me a reassuring smile before grabbing the other ear bud.

"ayo!" he says. everyone yells back different variations of 'hellos'. most of them involved the name 'big q'.

"why do you guys call him that? you know he's like 4 foot right?" i joke, trying to get myself more comfortable.

loud laughter echos as alex turns to me with an unimpressed expression.

"okay, okay everyone introduce themselves." he tries to shout over them.

"i am big man tommy and i love women." the first voice i heard says.

"okay champ." i say sarcastically.

"i'm karl!" karl shouts.

"i know, karl." i smile.

"uh, hi i'm george." another british accent says.

"hi." i didn't really know how to respond to him.

"i'm sapnap" a clear american accent introduced himself to me.

"i'm ranboo and i'm so sorry for all of them." a young-ish sounding voice says.

"it's okay, none of them are as bad as alex." i laugh. "kidding, kidding."

"uh i guess i have to do this now. i'm technoblade." a very flat toned voice says.

"orphan dude!" i clap, proud of myself for remembering.

"well, no-"

"okay let's get started!" alex cuts him off.