They sat together in silence. Madison was too shocked at her own words, feeling guilty the moment she had finished.

Maybe she was too harsh. Corpse clearly had a lot going on, but she was still hurting, even a month later. She couldn't help it. She had lost him, without any chance of getting him back, and for him to apologize? It felt like she had been pushed 20 steps back after only taking a few steps forward. Madison was overwhelmed, and defeated, and Corpse wouldn't stop playing with his damn rings.

Everything felt overstimulating, like she couldn't focus on anything, and her brain just kept moving.

Corpse considered telling her everything; explaining what Jack said, talking to her about how miserable the last month has been. But it all felt like excuses. It felt like even if he did try to explain, none of those circumstances would make up for what he said, so what was the point? He regretted all of it. He had been so fucking stupid.

After nearly 10 minutes of silence, Madison stood, and went to the box at the front door. She stared at the stocking on top, nearly wanting to cry. She had put so much into trying to make his life better, trying to make memories, and start something worth something, and he never cared. God, it felt horrible.

She glanced over at Corpse, who was watching her as she moved. He looked at her longingly, tears still streaming down his face.

She couldn't help but want to wipe them away, and kiss his cheeks, telling him he was forgiven and they would work through things together. She wanted to pull him into her chest, let him cry until his throat closed, then help him feel better after. She wanted to talk through everything, and play games together on stream, and tell her fans how absolutely in love they are.

But she couldn't. Not now. Not when he was so done with her, and she had finally realized she was worth more than this toxic relationship.

She picked up the box, and brought it to him, sitting it on the couch next to him. "This is all of your stuff from here. Might want to check that it's everything," she tried to keep her voice steady and strong.

If she could just get him out of this apartment, she could shower and cry and worry about feelings on her own. She was tired of crying in front of him.

He nodded, but didn't move to look into the box. His hands were shaking intensely, barely able to grab at the bracelets and rings he had on, and now he wasn't able to look her in the eyes.

"Corpse?" she mumbled, taking a step closer to him. This is what he looked like when he was having a panic attack. She had seen it before, but before, he was hers. She could touch him, and help, and make it better. Now.... what could she do now?

He didn't respond.

"Corpse, come on, breathe," she said quietly, sitting next to him now, hesitantly placing a hand on his thighs. His hands found hers immediately, playing with her fingers, and squeezing, like he had done when they were together.

She knew he just needed comfort, but she felt invigorated. She had missed this, the feeling of his hands on her, and even though this wasn't the best circumstance, she couldn't help but feel it.

She let him play with her fingers from her right hand, using her left to stroke his hair and run her hands down his back, knowing it would calm him down. It felt so intimate, but she tried not to make it weird. She was just helping an old friend... right?

After a few minutes of encouragement and distraction, Corpse's breathing returned to normal and he felt less anxious. Nothing could fix the embarrassment, but Madison didn't say anything about it which helped. He muttered an apology, retracting his hand from hers quickly, when he realized he was still holding it. The movement made Madison keep her hands to herself, and move to her small loveseat, putting distance between them.

Not touching each other was harder than they had both imagined.

Corpse started picking through the box, focusing mostly on the hoodies and streaming equipment. As he packed it back away, telling her it was all there, he stopped at the stocking. He held it in his hands delicately, like if he gripped it too hard it would tear to pieces in his hands. Running a finger across each letter, Madison was reminded of what she had done only hours prior.

God, they had had so many plans. So many plans for their futures.. what had happened to him?

It was incredibly depressing to think about.

"You got this made," Corpse said, matter of factly.

"Yeah," she responded, trying not to sound too pained.

Corpse sighed, and placed the stocking back down. "I saw you spent Christmas with, uh, with Rachell and OTV?"

He sounded like he knew the answer but had asked anyway. Madison allowed it. His voice soothed her.

"Yeah, small dinner," she commented, leaving it at that. What else was she supposed to say?

"I.... I know, you uh, you didn't ask but I spent Christmas alone."

His words made her furrow her eyebrows. "What?"

"I... I spent it alone, and I didn't... I didn't want you to think I was with anyone. Not on Christmas, not at all actually."

She was confused. Why did she need to know? Was she supposed to tell him she hadn't been with anyone either? Why did this matter?

She tried to consider what he was thinking for a moment. Maybe he was concerned she had moved on, which she hadn't.

"I haven't been with anyone either," she replied, just wanting to put it out there.

She could visibly see him sigh in relief, but didn't say anymore about it.

He stood then, making her follow suit. He picked up the box, and she couldn't help but think of how hot he looked, just doing anything.

"Thank you for putting this together, Madison."

She had forgotten what her name sounded like coming from him, and it made her giddy. She was still so in love with him, it hurt.

"No problem, really," she replied, flustered. She opened the door for him, and walked him down the hall so she could press the button for the elevator without him having to set the box down.

As they waited, they were silent, but Madison could tell he had something to say. She wanted to tell him to just spit it out. Too many times, good things have been left unsaid and she didn't want to do that again.

But she couldn't get any words out herself.

The elevator arrived.

"I got it from here," Corpse said, giving her a small, sad smile.

"Okay," she nodded, and tried to smile back at him, but couldn't bring herself to do it. She couldn't fake it. She was so sad.

They stared at each other, nothing else coming out of their mouths although they both felt desperate to speak. Madison searched his face for any sign that he wanted her again, any kind of love, or desire. She would be okay with anything, even if she knew they were bad for each other. She knew he had done wrong, but so had she. She just wanted him back.

"Madison, I-" but the elevator doors had already shut.

how do you guys feel??

thank you so much for the love the past few days that i've spent away!!

i read every comment and i love when you guys love to read this story

next update; 1/3 9pm est