It took a lot out of Madison to formulate that box.

It sat by the front door, ready to be picked up for three days, staring at her, begging her to unpack it and put everything back where it belonged.

But she prevailed.

On the fourth day, she couldn't take it anymore. She sat, back against the front door, crying as she went through and hugged each hoodie, pictures, any item of his she had found. They still smelled like him, and they were still warm. On top, she placed his embroidered stocking she had ordered, running her fingers over his name and the small bunny next to it.

She placed everything again neatly, knowing any day now, Corpse would come pick it all up, and there would be no remnants of what they once had. She was heartbroken, even a month later. Daily, she thought about him and what they would be doing if he hadn't been so stupid.

No one knew they had broken up, which Madison assumed was the main reason he had reached out to her at all. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, taking the relationship public was the worst decision she ever made. She had convinced herself for so long that it would solve the problems they had, but here they were: unhappy and heartbroken.

But, they were both influencers, to some degree. They had to figure it out. They had to tell their audience eventually.

Honestly, thinking back to that day, Madison can't really pinpoint what happened. Corpse never explained anything to her, why he had left, why he had stopped talking to her in the first place. But she knew they were toxic. Although they were working through things, Corpse had a lot of dreams to fulfill and aspirations to make realities. He needed to do it himself, so he could feel satisfied. Madison had convinced herself she could do it with him, standing right by his side, but Corpse didn't want that. He had said that enough for her to understand.

Still, it didn't sit right with her, but why would it? She lost her first love.

On the fifth day, Corpse texted her, telling her he would stop by so they could "discuss some things" and pick up all of his things.

She anxiously cleaned her entire apartment to make the time pass by, and before she knew it, he was knocking at her door.

"Hi," he cleared his throat. Madison was too stunned. She had begun to forget what he looked like, and now with him in front of her, it felt like they had never separated at all. She shoved that feeling down. She would be strong through this. She is independent and confident and doesn't need to rely so heavily on any man.

"Can I, uh, come in?"

"Oh, oh, yeah, sorry," Madison mumbled, opening the door wider and letting him inside.

They sat on the couch for a few moments, both of them too nervous to start any kind of conversation.

"So," Madison started, but then stopped. She had already done more than she should have. He initiated this, so he could handle it.

"Um, we should probably tell our fans we broke up," Corpse got right to it. Madison could tell he was trying to sound calm, but he was shaking while turning the rings around on his fingers. She just wanted to grab them, look him in the eyes, and reassure him that it would be okay. But it was too late for that. He could handle himself.

"I agree," she said.

"I don't... I don't want our personal business out in the open. I think we keep it vague. I have a song coming out so I can deflect some of the attention away from our relationship when that drops."

"Your fans are gonna leave so much fucking hate," Madison laughed nervously. This is why she never got into public relationships.

"I'll try to do all I can. I'm really sorry."

The way he said made Madison consider that he wasn't just talking about hate comments. He was staring her in the eyes, looking sincere as ever, guilt filling his features.

"For what, Corpse?" she tested.

He looked back down, anxiously turning his rings once more. "Everything," he mumbled.

She shook her head, and rolled her eyes, getting frustrated now. He couldn't be sorry. He was the one that caused this to happen, with no chance of Madison fixing it. She had tried, time and time again to help him, but she couldn't do it anymore. She knew her worth was more than that.

But she also knew Corpse. He struggled with feelings; he didn't really know how to do the relationship thing in the first place because he never saw a good example of love at home. What if she had just been a little more patient?

It was too late to consider all of the possibilities now.

"You can't say that," Madison nearly whispered.

"It's true, if I could take it back, I would," he said honestly.

"Corpse, here's the issue. You can't be sorry for something you did. I was doing all I could, going to therapy, trying to help you.... I was in it for the long haul! And out of the blue, you stop talking to me, you act like an asshole, and then you tell me you never loved me. You can't be sorry," Madison said sternly.

Corpse sighed. "I just didn't want to hurt you-"

"You don't think I've been hurting? You think being an asshole made it so much easier? God, Corpse, it made it so much harder to get over you when I didn't even know why you did all of this in the first place. You can't say you weren't trying to hurt me, all you did was hurt me!"

"I'm dying, Madison. I will die. I will not outlive you. I probably can't have kids! Do you understand how selfish it would be for me to keep you with me when I know you could have a lifelong commitment with someone who will actually be able to provide for you?" It was all coming out now. He was talking about his health as if Madison didn't sign up for that from the beginning.

"Do you think I'm stupid? I knew you were chronically ill before I even started talking to you, Corpse! And I didn't care. I still don't care. Why wouldn't you want to be the happiest you could be until you die? Everyone dies! Shit happens. I fucking went to physical therapy with you, I learned what medicines you were taking, I made sure you went to your appointments, and fucking massaged your arms until you could move your fingers. I can tell when you're nauseous just by your posture. I knew what I was getting into, and I was okay with it. I'm still okay with it. You're my lifelong commitment, until YOUR life ends. That's the point."

She was upset, talking with her hands, and trying not to yell at him but still make herself clear. He couldn't make excuses, she had done all she could've.

"And yeah, Corpse, I've done some fucked up things to be with you. I was being a psychopath, because I was mentally incapable of processing my emotions on my own. But I went to therapy to work through all of that because I wanted to be the best I could be for you." She huffed, "so you can be sorry, but... but you should be sorry for yourself for losing me."

She could see the tears falling down his cheeks, but he didn't move to wipe them away. He hadn't considered how much she was doing for him until she spelled it out, and now he felt like shit about it. He should've gone with his instinct. How was Jack or Loey going to know all of that? They never met Madison. They assumed she was just some girl he was fucking with, like every other girl he'd talked to them about. But if they could meet her now, would they have advised differently? It was too late for that now.

He didn't know what to say. She had called him out, and he had no way to make up for it now. She would never trust him again. She would always be waiting for him to just stop talking to her again. It would never work out, not with what he had done.

They sat on the couch for a few minutes in silence, both processing everything they knew to be true, but wanting so much more.

LAST CHAPTER BEFORE THE NEW YEAR!! WOOO

sorry to make y'all wait a little longer than normal but next one won't be posted until 1/3

maybe sooner but i'm unsure. ill keep you updated!!