after dinner, felix and changbin exited the house to go and sit out on the porch. the sun was slowly beginning to fade away, falling behind the houses in the distance.

there was a pink and orange hue casting over the clouds, making the sunset much more appealing than the words that were bouncing around the inside of changbin's head.

"the sunset is really pretty tonight," changbin said as he stared out in front of him, not daring to look beside him.

"it is," felix agreed as he gently placed his hand on changbin's cheek, "please face me."

changbin slowly turned his head with the guidance of felix's hand. both of them had unreadable expressions.

"just say it." felix sighed, his eyebrows furrowed and his bottom lip formed a pout.

"felix..."

"i know, it's okay."

"i'm going almost four hours away from you for the next four years of our lives," changbin began and felix nodded to show he was listening, "we talked about finding happiness that didn't revolve around eachother... do you think this is what we need?"

"you know, you never officially asked me out again." felix frowned, but changbin just looked at him with a confused expression.

"felix-"

"i'm glad we aren't back together."

"what?"

"if we were, that would mean you're about to break up with me, right?" felix said as he stared into changbin's eyes.

"fe-"

"if you say my name again, i promise i will punch you." felix said as he grabbed changbin's face and tried to squish his cheeks.

"your hands are too small to do it properly." changbin laughed as he raised his hand to do it to felix.

"shtop!" felix said in a muffled voice since his face was all mushed.

"you're so cute." changbin smiled as he let go of felixs face and quickly brought the boy in under his arms for a hug.

"you're suffocating me!" felix was pressed up tightly against changbin's chest as he said this.

changbin did not let go of felix though. he heard the boys cries, but knew they were nothing serious. felix was just trying to avoid what was about to be said.

"if we were dating right now, you're right, i would break up with you." changbin started to say.

felix felt himself inhale sharply as he tried to wait for changbin to further explain himself before reacting fully.

"i wouldn't want to, just like i didn't want to end things the first time... but sometimes people are just better apart." changbin saying this made felix instantly pull away from him.

"idiot!" felix slammed his hands against changbin's chest as he felt the tears prick at his eyes, "word that better! i know that isn't what you meant!"

"you're right, you're right," changbin said as he grabbed ahold of felix's wrist so he would stop hitting him, "i meant that i would end it because i think that is what is best for you. i want you to be able to live your life without worrying about if your actions will hurt me."

"what do you mean?"

"we're going into college felix, you're going to want to go to parties and hangout with people. you're not going to want to worry about what i am doing or worrying if what you're doing is hurting me. you don't want to feel obligated to call me because im sick and can't go out...

there are certain obligations that come with the title of a relationship, and honestly i think it's better we aren't together. im not saying this to hurt you though, i just want you to be able to be happy without anyone getting in the way of that."

"this sounds like a breakup." felix felt his bottom lip quiver as he spoke.

"in a way it is, but at the same time it's not since we're not together." changbin shrugged.

"so what is it?"

"how about we make a promise?"

"a promise?"

"yes, after these four years of college, we can be together if we both still wish to be. there won't be anything holding us back, we can finally just be happy."

"we can't make that sort of promise..." felix sighed as he began to think all of the worst possible scenarios.

"we made it through four years of high school without our feelings wavering in the slightest, you really don't think we can get through college too? you have no faith in us?" changbin said as he pretended to act hurt.

"that's not what i meant!"

"hmm... okay." changbin stifled a laugh, "felix we can still talk all the time and be friends like we have been doing, but i don't want you to hold yourself back for my sake."

"what do you mean?"

"im not doing this because i want to meet other people in college. i know i won't find anyone better than you. i don't even plan on dating anyone in college or hooking up with someone for that matter.

i just want us to each be able to find our happiness without any limitations. i think college could be the perfect time for that. we take some time apart, find ourselves, and come back better than ever before."

"what if we don't make it? what if we go our separate ways?" felix asked as the tears brewed within him, threatening to fall at any moment.

"then we were never really meant to be together in the first place," changbin shrugged, "but i know that isn't the case here. you are the one for me, no doubt in my mind. this isn't some sad break up felix, this is just me setting you free for a couple of years.

but don't be too free because i still love you and i want you to know that my heart belongs to you, no one else."

"my heart belongs to you as well." felix smiled as he grabbed changbin's hand and placed it on his chest, "there's no one else for me... which is why i don't understand why we aren't getting back together."

"i already told you felix. we can't end up resenting eachother. isn't distance supposed to make the heart grow fonder? let's allow that to happen."

"you're an idiot, but you're my idiot. i don't care if we don't have a label, you're still mine." felix shook his head, being very adamant about what he wanted.

"you'll change your mind when it comes to the day i have to leave and we won't get to see eachother for months at a time." changbin sighed, wishing he was better with his words so he could get his point across.

"you really think this is for the best?" felix asked.

"i do."

"then fine," felix put out his hand, "for the next four years, you're not mine and i am not yours. i will love you from a distance, just like i hope you will do with me.

when i see you in person, i will try to control myself, but i make no promises. however, for the rest of the summer, you are mine. at least give me that."

felix waited there with his hand out, wanting changbin to shake on his terms.

"fine, for the rest of the summer i am yours and you are mine, but after that... i'll wait the four years, we are playing the long game. we're not some temporary relationship that will fold under pressure, we are the real deal.

and i know me saying that seems so contradictory, but please trust me on this. i really believe this will be the best thing for us."

"i trust you, and that's why i am allowing this to happen. i won't fight you on it because if i do, you may truly end up resenting me if things fail between us, and this way, it'll be your fault if we don't make it." felix teased the boy, trying to keep the heavy conversation somewhat light hearted.

"i love you, felix, time won't change that."

"i love you too."

~

the end of summer rolled around far too quickly for any of the boy's liking. most of them did not have to worry though.

hyunjin and jeongin were close by one another, and minho and jisung were actually attending the same school.

seungmin however finally announced to the group he was going to the united states for college. they all agreed it would be good for him, but it did break their hearts to see him go.

chan was the first one to leave though. he left without any warning. one day he was just gone. seungmin was the only one who got to say goodbye.

seungmin left shortly after chan did, he no longer had a reason to stay, and slowly the other boys left too.

now it was down to just felix and changbin left in their hometown, but the day was finally upon them to say goodbye.

felix buried his head in changbin's chest, his tears soaking right through the boy's cotton shirt.

"bokkie, do you remember what i told you a couple of months ago?" changbin asked as he rubbed the boy's back.

"what?" felix asked as he pulled out of the hug, sniffling back his tears.

"i told you this day would come and you'd realize how hard it would be to stay together." changbin explained, "i'm going to be four hours away from you."

"stop with that bullshit! if you wanted to make it work you would!" felix said, hitting his hands against changbin harshly.

"felix, i love you, but i can't be with you right now."

"there's more to it! i know it! what are you hiding?"

"i'm not hiding anything, felix."

"just tell me the truth!" felix shoved changbin harshly, slightly knocking him off balance.

"felix," changbin spoke calmly as he grabbed onto the boy to pull him into a hug, "you're dependent on me for your happiness. you have told me that before. i don't want to do this anymore than you do, but i have to.

you need to off to school without me. you need to see a world that doesn't involve me. i can't be the sole reason for your happiness.

you cannot be dependent on me anymore, you said so yourself. please take this as an opportunity to find out who you are in a place where i do not exist."

"but-"

"felix, please."

felix looked up at changbin with tears pouring out of his eyes. his heart felt like it had shattered even though he knew changbin was right.

"please don't let this be goodbye." felix pleaded as he clutched on tightly to changbin's shirt.

"it's not goodbye, i promise felix... it's just... see you in four years." changbin tried to joke around, but felix wasn't having it.

"four years is a long time..."

"and i guess i need to remind you again... i have loved you for all of high school, what's another four years?"

"i don't want to lose you..."

"you're not losing me, you're gaining a new you."

"a new me?"

"yes," changbin said softly as he cupped the boys face in his hands, "this new version of you will be happy. he won't need others to fuel the light within him, he is able to do it all on his own."

"what about when things get bad again?"

"and when things get bad, he reaches out for help. he calls his ex, who he still loves, and tells him he needs him... because it's okay to need help seometimes."

"don't be my ex..." felix mumbled at such a low volume, changbin could hardly hear him.

"what?"

"i don't want you to go down in history as my ex, i want you to be the boy i end up with." felix said as he continued to sniffle, his tears clouding his vision.

"i won't go down as your ex, like you said, that's history... but the boy you end up with? that will be me, that is our future." changbin slowly leaned in, bringing his lips to meet the latter's.

it felt bittersweet to be kissed like that. they both knew it was goodbye, at least for now.

"i love you endlessly, four years won't stop us. i promise." changbin placed one last kiss on the boys forehead before he got into his car.

"i love you..." felix finally let out as he watched changbin pull out of his driveway.

"see you in four years." changbin said as he rolled the window down and flashed an innocent smile towards the blonde.

"see you in four years." felix wiped away his tears, and tried to show a smile.

it was not goodbye, and they both knew that. they would have the summers to come home and holiday vacations.

but for argument sake it was, 'see you in four years,' and until those four years are complete, they remain as one another's ex.

the end.

a.n.

i rewrote this too much

i'm still not entirely satisfied with the way this turned out but i didn't want to make it worse HAHAH

i hope enjoyed the story 'ex'

thank you all so much for reading and leaving such supportive comments. i truly appreciate it!!

as for this being the end...

epilogues doooo exist

and i plan on writing one for this story sooo don't be too mad at me for the ending !!