felix dealt with the strange looks and the whispers as he walked passed, he even was able to tolerate the teachers checking in on him and giving him looks of sympathy.

felix knew all he had to do was make it until lunch time. once lunch hit, he'd be by all his friends and they would help him forget about the stares, the whispers, and the overbearing teachers.

when lunch finally did come, jeongin made sure to meet the boy at his locker so they could walk together. not without hyunjin there though of course.

"ready lix?" jeongin asked and as felix turned to look at the boy, he noticed who was accompanying him.

"yep," felix smiled before glancing down at the two boys who had their fingers intertwined, "so you guys are like... out?"

"we don't owe an explanation to anyone. we could just be holding hands because we're friends." hyunjin shrugged as the three of them began walking towards the cafeteria.

"okay, but don't you think people are going to figure it out?" felix questioned.

"who cares if they do? i'm happy and so is jeongin, that's all that matters." hyunjin stated simply.

"is that how you feel jeongin?" felix knew jeongin cared a lot about what others thought, whether he would admit that to anyone or not.

"i've like hyunjin for so long, i don't care who knows at this point." jeongin was seeing the world through rose colored glasses, he almost felt untouchable when he was with hyunjin.

"good for you two then, i'm happy for you guys." felix smiled genuinely.

"thanks lix," hyunjin said.

"yeah, thanks felix." jeongin smiled, not long after though, his smile fell.

"hey lix," jeongin said and felix looked over at him, "did anyone say anything to you and changbin while you were dating?"

"like what? anything offensive you mean?" felix responded, earning a nod in response from jeongin.

"well," the blonde boy sighed, "there were times when people would say stuff, but mostly it was fine. changbin was never the type to care what people thought and that made me not care either."

"what's going on between you two now?" hyunjin asked as they approached their lunch table.

"uh maybe we should talk about this later." felix said as he scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"come on, he isn't here yet. we're the first ones here, just tell us!" jeongin encouraged, eager to know what exactly was happening between them.

"tell you guys what?" jisung asked, making jeongin roll his eyes and pout, knowing felix was not going to tell them now.

"uh— nothing." felix muttered.

"it's definitely about changbin." minho laughed as he sat down beside jisung.

"no!" felix retorted, "it was about... it was... oh shut up minho!"

"just tell us you two are dating and we'll act shocked." minho stated as he took out his food.

"we're not dating though." felix stated, no nerves in sight.

"guys, i think he's actually being honest with us..." jisung said as he leaned in to examine felixs face, "he's not all anxious looking for once."

"FOR ONCE?" felix flailed his arms dramatically.

"yes, for once!" jisung repeated.

"so why aren't you guys dating?" minho asked.

"i'd like to know this too." seungmin said joining the bunch at the table.

"guys, he could walk in at any second, let's not do this." felix said as he stared down at his hands where he picked at his cuticles.

"who could walk in?" the voice of changbin echoed through felixs ears and made him want to sink down through chair, below the floor, and into the center of the earth.

"you." jisung said smirking to himself.

"jisung!" felix squealed as he then buried his head in his hands.

"is lix okay?" chan asked as he walked over, "i just heard him scream."

"he's fine, just embarassed." seungmin explained.

"why is he embarrassed?" chan questioned the group.

"well felix won't tell us any details about him and changbin and we're curious so now he's embarassed that changbin knows we were asking him." hyunjin announced to the boys, making felixs cheeks turn bright red.

chan sat there, happy felix was probably now getting everything he wanted, but also sad for himself. as much as he hoped that kiss would felix would provide him closure, and maybe even convince him they were better off as friends, it ended up doing the opposite.

chan craved more of felix and missed his innocent affection. he would do anything to get that back, even if it was only as a friend.

but now that chans feelings are known by the rest of the group, he can never be with felix in the ways he wished he could.

"there's no details to tell." changbin shrugged, making chan light up unintentionally.

changbin noticed how excited chan got over this and that sight made changbin's blood boil.

"i am in love with him though." changbin stated, making direct eye contact with chan.

"of course you are." chan mumbled, but the only person who heard him was seungmin.

"so if you're in love with him then... why aren't you two back together?" jeongin asked.

"we won't take that step until felix is ready." changbin smiled as he placed his arm around felix, rubbing his back gently.

"i think felix has been ready." jisung scoffed.

this made felix fall onto the table, burying his face in his arms, unable to face the group. felix knew he should be back with changbin by now, he of course loved the boy, but for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to say it.

"you'd be surprised." changbin stated as he looked down at felix and felt a ping in his heart.

"is that true lix? are you not ready for a relationship?" jisung asked innocently.

felix nodded his head before getting up from the table and leaving. he felt the tears welling in his eyes as his heart rate quickened and his lungs tightened.

why is this making me have a panic attack? felix wondered as he made a quick escape to the bathroom.

not far behind him was changbin worried he had now messed things up between the two of them.

as soon as the two of them were alone in the bathroom, changbin grabbed onto felixs wrist and pulled him in tight to his chest.

"please don't cry, you're safe felix. there's no reason to worry." changbin said softly as he ran his fingers through felixs hair.

he heard soft sobs escape the boy below him as the tears soaked into his t shirt.

"i-i'm sorry..." felix stuttered out as the tears began to slow down, but still trickled down his cheeks.

"what are you sorry for?" changbin asked as he cupped the boys cheeks.

"i want to be with you changbin, i do... i just... i'm scared." felix explained, finally being truthful.

"you have every right to be scared, i won't pressure you to be with me again." changbin said with a gentle voice that made felix feel safe.

"felix, are you still harming yourself?" changbin questioned once he slid his hands off felixs face and down his arms. he felt the scars underneath his thumb and they felt new, not like the healed ones he was used to seeing.

"im so sorry..." felix cried out, diving into changbins arms.

"felix you were alone for one night... just one night and you did this?" changbin finally looked down at felixs battered wrists and felt every hopeful cell in his body disappear.

felix wasn't better, and he wasn't going to get better anytime soon.

"i just— i feel so guilty... i felt like i deserved this." felix stared down at his wrists that had burned when changbin brushed his thumb against them, he was ashamed of himself.

"this isn't the answer felix... hurting yourself is never the answer!" changbin was so frustrated with the world, he couldn't understand why it was always felix who had to be the one hurting.

"im sorry..." felix continued to cry.

"felix," changbin said lifting felixs face slowly by his chin, "fall in love with me again."

"what?" felix questioned with a confused expression on his face.

"i said, fall in love with me again." changbin repeated himself, "i will show you why you should be with me. i will prove your worth to you and show you how you deserve to be treated. just please... fall in love with me again."

"i—"

"just say yes or no." changbin said to make it easier on felix, knowing felix was already in love with him, he just found it too hard to say it, "will you give me the chance to make you fall in love with me again?"

"yes."

a.n.

can we talk about the boyz kingdom performance to no air??? IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD OMG OMG OMG OMG

ALSO SKZ FIRST PLACE??? OKAY KINGSSSS

DESERVEDDDDD