it was the sunday after felix had finally woken up. changbin wanted to spend the entire day with the boy, knowing the following day he would have to return to school and would not be able to see felix for majority of it.

"what do you want to do?" felix asked changbin as the two sat there in the dull hospital room.

"well, i don't have the most fun proposal... but there is something i would like to speak to you about." changbin stated.

instantly, felix filled with fear and worried what changbin could possibly want to talk about.

"it's only if you're comfortable with it though," changbin further explained.

"what is it?" felix asked hesitantly.

"it's about you... and everything that happened." felix knew exactly what changbin meant when he said this.

all felix could do was let out a heavy sigh and try to get comfortable in his rock hard bed.

"you really want to talk about that?" felix asked.

"only if you're okay with it." changbin mumbled, averting his gaze from felix's.

"im okay with it." felix nodded with a halfhearted smile.

"are you sure?"

"yeah," felix nodded, "what do you want to know?"

"would it be wrong of me to ask why?" changbin questioned hesitantly.

"no, i understand your curiousity." felix stated, "but let me ask you this, have you ever wanted to leave?"

"leave?"

"don't make me say it..." felix trailed off.

"yeah, i have." changbin muttered under his breath.

"did i hear you correctly? did you say you have?" felix questioned, his facial expression revealing how shocked he was.

changbin nodded as he stared down his lap, unable to meet the eyes of the boy who he wanted to always see him as strong.

"i never imagined you to have those sort of thoughts." felix said, feeling slightly confused, "then again, you never really told me much about you."

"let's get back to you." changbin interjected.

"okay," felix nodded, taking the hint that changbin really didn't want to discuss himself at the moment, "i felt lost changbin. i felt alone. i didn't see much hope in life, and i really just couldn't imagine waking up another morning in pain."

"do you regret it now?" changbin asked, accidentally staring at felixs scar.

felix raised his hand, brushing his fingertips gently across the scar on his neck.

"i- i don't know what i feel." felix spoke honestly.

"do you wish it worked?" changbin questioned, taking felix by surprise.

"um— no. no i don't." felix stated, but he wasn't entirely sure he was being truthful this time.

"you hesitated."

"im still not sure about anything. everything feels kind of foggy..."

"im glad it didn't work." changbin said as he looked down into his lap while fiddling with his thumbs.

"i mean i would hope you would be." felix laughed slightly, making changbin start to smile in return.

"i am, i finally got to tell you how i really feel. i'm sorry it took something like this to bring it out of me." changbin said apologetically.

"don't be sorry, this isn't your fault." felix said as he held on tightly to changbin's hand.

"do you blame chan?" changbin asked.

"i don't blame anyone."

"i blame chan." changbin said bluntly, rolling his eyes in the process.

"don't blame him. this isn't his fault."

"then why aren't you speaking to him?"

"because i'm upset with him."

"because he hurt you when you needed him most. this is his fault."

"changbin, i can't blame someone else for my own mental illness. sure, his words may have been the final straw for me, but if i wasn't already suicidal then those words wouldnt have affected me so much." felix explained to the latter.

"but he knew you were depressed. he knew you were in a really bad mental state. he shouldn't have said those things, therefore i blame him." changbin folded his arms with furrowed eyebrows and slight pout on his face.

"you're cute when you're angry." felix laughed as he reached out his hand to cup changbins cheek.

"felix i-" before changbin could finish his thought, there was a knock at the door.

"felix, you have your therapy appointment now, and by the time you're done visiting hours will be over." the nurse said as she looked over at changbin.

"oh okay, he's leaving now. thank you." felix said, trying to hide his disappointment. the nurse just nodded before leaving the room.

"man, i wish i didn't have to leave." changbin frowned.

"i know, me too." felix sighed, "i get release on friday though."

"really?" changbin asked, his face lighting up.

"yes, as long as everything goes well with the therapist then i'll be all good to go." felix smiled, "thank you for visiting me today."

"of course, it was my pleasure." changbin smiled back at the boy.

felix then stood up to walk changbin to his hospital room door, "bye binnie."

felix wrapped his arms tightly around changbin, taking the boy by surprise at first. it didn't take long for changbin to return the hug.

as changbin then walked out of there, it left each boy wondering where they stood.

we're they just friends or could they finally return to soemthing more?

a.n.

why don't i know how to end chapters anymore??

man i hate my writing lately

it makes me wanna give up:(