felix slowly walked home, his head down, eyes fixated on the ground. he counted his steps in the boxes on the side walk, skipping over the cracks out of a childhood habit.

he got lost in thought as he took his mundane walk home. the walk he has taken numerous times before, but none felt like this.

he felt so empty and lost, even though he knew exactly where he was going. felix thought back to all the times he walked this route with changbin, everything in his mind somehow related back to changbin in that moment.

felix remembered everything changbin had said to him moments prior. he thought about the day everything really changed between them.

changbin and i walked home in silence after spending the entire day with our friends. i didn't know why changbin wasn't speaking, but for some reason i was scared to speak first.

i heard changbin let out a loud sigh as he then stopped in his tracks, grabbing on to my hand to stop me too.

"are you upset with me?" he asked with a sad look in his eyes.

"upset with you?" i questioned, he nodded his head, "why would i be upset with you?"

"i don't know, you just didn't talk to me at all while we were at minho's house... you didn't even sit with me when we were watching the movie." changbin frowned as he spoke to me.

"i'm sorry, i guess i didn't really spend much time with you." i said apologetically at the realization that he was right.

"it's okay, i just thought i may have done something wrong." changbin shrugged as he intertwined his fingers with mine and began walking again.

"you didn't, don't worry!" i tried to reassure him.

"you looked really happy being with chan though, you two seem close."

"we've always been close," i laughed, but changbin did not seem to be in the mood for laughter.

"he makes you happy." changbin stated.

"all my friends do." i shrugged, not understanding what changbin's point for bringing this up was.

"you smile a lot with him."

"that goes along with happiness, so yeah i guess." i laughed again.

"felix," changbin said in a cold tone, "are you sure i haven't done anything wrong?"

"yes, i'm sure!" as i said this, i felt changbin bring my arm closer to him as he turned it and rolled up my sleeve.

"you're still hurting yourself." he said as he traced his fingers gently over my fresh wounds.

"i'm fine," i pulled my arm away and rolled back down my sleeve.

"are you that unhappy with me felix?"

"i'm happy with you, don't speak like that."

"i feel like i don't make you happy. maybe you should spend more time with chan... i just want to see you smile more often like you did today." changbin explained with a disheartened look on his face.

"i smile with you," i said, but i clearly wasn't very convincing about it.

"not as much as you used to..."

"changbin, i promise you make me happy. please don't think i'm unhappy in this relationship." i cupped his face and stopped him from walking so he would look me in the eyes.

"okay, i believe you." he didn't sound too believable which only hurt me more.

"binnie, please," i whined a bit, "i love you, please trust me when i say that i'm happy with you."

"i love you too, i trust you." he smiled a bit as he leaned forward to place a gentle kiss at the tip of my nose.

"good," i smiled as we continued on walking.

thinking back to it, felix realized how naive and blind he was to the truth. changbin was clearly jealous of the way felix was with chan, it was obvious now.

felix did smile a lot with chan, and not as much with changbin. it had nothing to do with how happy one made him over the other, it had to do with his comfort levels with each boy.

around changbin, felix let his true colors show. he felt free to show his emotions and let them out when he needed to. changbin was always there for him and was the only one who ever knew how to cheer him up.

however, felix never told this to changbin. he never realized the latter saw it as felix not being happy with him.

if felix could go back in time, he would change the way he acted around changbin. he would appreciate him more, express his love more. he would tell changbin all the ways he made him feel truly alive instead of in constant pain.

felix wouldn't have spent so much time with chan if he knew that was what was driving changbin away. he would've talked out his feelings with changbin, and maybe changbin and hyunjin wouldn't be as close as they are now.

felix realized now looking back on everything, changbin and hyunjin only started to get close as felix grew closer to chan. if only each boy knew what they meant to the other, maybe everything could have been prevented.

instead each of them are only left with regret and miscommunications that lead to their downfall.

a.n.

i wrote this chapter with the lovely sound of rain drops outside my window and the voice of the love of my life bboiiiiiiii in the background