"my problem is you," changbin's words made felix's heart sink. he stood there shocked by what changbin said, as he felt the tears begin to well in his eyes.

"don't you see it? i act like a fool with you!" changbin raised his voice, causing felix to flinch slightly.

"why am i the problem?" felix asked with a sad look in his eyes.

"because i keep messing up around you! you're my problem, but you're not a problem. does that make any sense?"

"no.."

"you're like an addiction. i keep going back to you even though i know i should quit. i keep hurting you and i know it's not right, yet i continue to do it. it's so toxic felix." changbin explained to the boy, who just bit on his lip nervously.

"felix," changbin said as he placed his hand under felix's chin to lift his head gently, "you know i'm bad for you. every time we are together i just make you sad all over again."

"so stop making me sad!" felix shouted as he swatted changbin's hand away from him.

"i can't be with you felix, therefore i can't stop making you sad." changbin sighed as he began to walk away.

"you don't make any sense. you're just being an idiot!" felix screamed at the boy. changbin stopped in his tracks for a moment, but then continued on walking.

felix ran to catch up to the boy, grabbing his shoulder to turn changbin to face him.

"why are you doing this?" felix questioned.

"doing what?"

"walking away," felix said, "why can't we just be together?"

"it didn't work out before, why would it work now?"

"what do you mean?" felix asked as his bottom lip quivered slightly.

"i broke up with you felix. there was a reason we didn't work out. why would a second time change that?" changbin questioned, leaving felix speechless.

"i can't make you happy felix, i couldn't do it then and i certainly can't do it now." changbin stated as he began walking again, but this time felix walked right beside him, not letting get ahead even slightly.

"you do make me happy! you always have!" felix said, being very adamant about it.

"stop it lix," changbin sighed.

"stop what? i'm telling the truth!" felix yelled at the latter.

"then why did you harm yourself? why did you cry almost every night? why couldn't you sleep? why did you avoid me to hangout with chan? i didn't make you happy. admit it to yourself and me, please felix." changbin wasn't angry, he was hurt, and felix could finally see that.

"changbin, that wasn't your fault. you can't take the blame for something like that." felix spoke softly as he noticed the tears threatening to fall from changbin's eyes.

"i didn't make you happy felix, that's all i ever wanted to do. even now i don't know how to do that. it hurts me to see you upset, but i can't change it." the tears began to well, a few even rolling down the boy's cheeks as he stood there with felix.

"changbin, please... you have to understand that it has nothing to do with you. you're not the cause of my pain, and you can't take the sole responsibility for my happiness.

that was the issue before. i relied on you too heavily. i can't depend on others to fuel my happiness, i have to make myself happy." felix cupped changbin's face, wiping away the tears as they fell.

"i can't be with you felix." changbin stated as he went to pull away, but felix grabbed onto him and brought him into a tight hug.

"okay," felix began to cry, but made sure to keep it quiet so changbin wouldn't notice.

"okay?" changbin questioned through his slight sobs.

felix spoke softly, "i hurt you just as much as you think you hurt me."

changbin pulled away from the hug quickly and looked at felix's puffy eyes that were filled with tears, "you never hurt me felix."

"you just haven't realized it yet, but i have." felix shook his head as he chewed on the inside of his cheek.

"felix, please... you really haven't," changbin started, "you misinterpreted what i said."

"what did you mean then?" felix questioned, already having an idea of the answer in his head.

"felix, hurt you, not the other way around." changbin began to explain, "jisung told me you thought i was cheating on you with hyunjin... everyone in the friend group told me how badly i hurt you with the break up.

i saw the look in your eyes whenever i was with hyunjin. i heard about the day you found out i liked hyunjin. then there's the countless amount of times where i've said stupid shit and you've gotten upset. how do you not see it felix? how do you not see how terrible i am for you?"

"changbin-"

"don't tell me i haven't hurt you because even standing here now i know i'm hurting you and yet i can't stop it. i know the final thing i say will hurt you the most of all," changbin looked down at the ground to avoid felix's gaze, "i don't want to be with you felix."

silence fell upon the two boys. felix didn't know how to respond, his throat closed on him, and his chest began to tighten. he stood there frozen, waiting for changbin to say something to make up for his last few words.

"i'm sorry felix," changbin moved towards the boy, "i told you last night was our final one to be like that. i can't be with you ever again, i'm not even sure i can handle being near you.

every time i think i've quit... i somehow end up doing something dumb that leads you to believe we can be together again when we can't."

"why can't we? did you really not have any feelings for me anymore?"

"you keep asking this and my answer hasn't changed. we're not good for each other. no matter how amazing you may be for me, i will never be good enough for you. just accept that felix. this isn't a loss, you're better off without me." changbin answered, except he refused to admit his feelings for felix.

"well i don't want to be better off if it's without you." felix said as he watched changbin begin to walk off.

"why would you want someone who only knows how to hurt you? we're going around in circles here felix. it's not just now that i'm hurting you, it was always. think about it. think about our relationship and how often you were upset. you'll realize i was never good to you." changbin walked away and this time felix didn't stop him.

felix stood there, tears falling down his cheeks. he felt numb. frozen. he didn't know how to move or breathe. this time changbin was gone, and he really wasn't coming back.

felix never thought changbin was hurting him. of course there were times when changbin would upset him, but changbin had done so much good for felix that he never really paid attention to the negatives.

although felix harmed himself while dating changbin, changbin was always the one to help him after the fact. felix did cry every night, but it was because of his nightmares about his father, and those were also what made him have sleepless nights.

as for avoiding changbin to hangout with chan... when felix really thought back to it, he realized he was probably in the wrong there.

felix was so focused on the fact that hyunjin and changbin were getting closer, that he subconsciously used chan as a distraction. felix began to wonder if changbin ever felt the same way towards chan that he felt towards hyunjin...

felix never really thought changbin would cheat on him with hyunjin, he did mention to jisung a couple times, but that was out of jealousy. felix has always been jealous of hyunjin, he always knew hyunjin to be the most attractive boy around school.

hyunjin always made changbin laugh in ways felix never could, he made changbin loosen up. felix knows changbin has told hyunjin things that changbin hasn't told him, and it hurts to think that hyunjin may be changbin's go to person instead of him.

that was why felix was always so upset about hyunjin. hyunjin was everything felix felt like he wasn't, everything he wished he could be.

it was never really changbin's fault. especially if the feelings for hyunjin were never real and only made up to push felix even further away.

felix felt like he was starting to piece everything together, but unfortunately he had done it a little too late, and was still missing the most important piece of the puzzle.

it seemed as though changbin was now gone from felix's life. they had a sweet last night, and a painful last morning.

a.n.

true beauty and color rush will be the death of me!!!

both of the most recent episodes have cliffhangers that are unbearable, i hate it here.

also if y'all aren't watching either of those shows i highlyyyy recommend, but maybe wait until all the episodes are out because waiting each week is torturous