the next morning changbin woke up before felix. he began to sneak out of the bed, careful not to wake up the other boy. as he was going to walk out of the room, he took one last look at felix.

changbin noticed how peaceful the boy looked. he wished felix could always look that way. he missed felix's smile, not that it ever seemed to be completely free of pain.

he knew felix had been through a lot, but it seemed things were only getting worse now. changbin blames himself. he always did, but then once their other friends, especially chan, started to blame him too, it made everything so much worse.

changbin felt guilty. that was the real reason he ended things with felix. he felt guilty for not being able to protect him from sadness, from the dark thoughts. he felt guilty for not being able to save felix from it all.

felix reminded changbin so much of his sister, the sister he regretted not saying goodbye to everyday of his life.

now he has said goodbye to felix though. they spent their one last night together, and now the two of them can move on.

or at least changbin hopes for felix to move on.

changbin knows he will never be able to get over felix. felix is meant to be the love of changbin's life even if they don't stay together or ever get back together.

felix has taught changbin the most in life, and he is still learning from the boy. if only he could learn that staying with felix would be better than leaving.

~

shortly after changbin had left, felix began to stir. he woke up to a cold bed, even though he was tucked in carefully underneath the covers.

he looked beside him and saw changbin had already left, immediately filling the boy with an unshakable sadness.

felix slowly rose from the bed and got out of the room to join the other boys in the living room, where he assumed they would be waiting.

when felix made it outside of the bedroom, he saw everyone there besides changbin. he continued looking for him, even though he knew he wouldn't be able to find him.

"looking for changbin?" minho asked, felix just nodded in response.

"he said he was really hungover so he just wanted to go home." jisung cut in, but for some reason it didn't seem believable.

"ah, okay." felix sighed as he plopped himself down on the couch beside jeongin.

"is chan okay?" jeongin asked as he looked over at the boy.

"noooo," chan groaned as he held onto his head.

"he is probably the worst of all of us. even worse than seungmin." hyunjin teased.

"shut the fuck up you rigatoni looking ass." seungmin snapped.

"someone's grouchy." hyunjin smirked, "but yeah, chan doesn't even remember anything from last night. it's baadddd!"

from those words, felix recalled what had happened the night prior. chan confessed his feelings for felix, but now chan doesn't even remember doing it.

felix didn't know if he should keep that a secret, or tell chan what he now knows. he sat anxiously in his seat, wishing by some miracle chan could at least remember that conversation.

"you okay lix?" jeongin whispered to felix who he noticed was biting nervously on his lip.

"fine, why?" felix responded, seeming a bit jumpy.

"you just look a bit out of it, did something happen with changbin last night?"

felix rolled his eyes in response, "i guess you could say i got closure... just not the closure i wanted."

"oh... i'm sorry felix," jeongin rubbed the boys back, "so that's what you're upset about?"

felix thought about telling jeongin, asking him for advice, but he felt it was easier to not tell anyone. if no one else knew, then felix could just pretend he never heard it.

"felixxx," chan groaned, snapping the boy out of his thoughts.

"yes chan?" felix responded nervously.

"thanks for bringing me into bed last night, even if you stuck me with seungmin and didn't want to stay with me." chan laughed a bit as he said the last part of his sentence. however, as seungmin heard this, he felt his chest tighten and his heart sunk to his stomach.

"i thought you didn't remember anythin from last night?" felix questioned, worrying that chan may remember confessing his feelings.

"i don't," chan seemed to be just as nervous, "jisung told me you did that..."

"oh... it was no problem really." felix shrugged.

"um... i know this isn't really the place for apologies, but i'm sorry about everything lately sunshine." chan said, earning awkward stares from the rest of the group.

"we made up last night, no worries," felix rushed the words out of his mouth, "i uh-- i actually have to get home to take care of my grandmother. i'm going to get going, bye!" felix made a run for the door, not stopping to say individual goodbyes to his friends.

he listened as they called out of him, but he couldn't stop his feet. felix wished he drank the night prior so he too could forget everything that happened, both with chan and changbin. he no longer wanted to remember any of it.

felix wondered if he would've been better off being completely clueless about changbin's actions. sure they may have confused him, and even hurt felix a bit, but anything would be better than what felix felt in that moment.

he got a taste of what it felt like to have changbin in his life again, and that taste was addicting. now that it was gone, it was like he lost changbin all over again.

a.n.

i have such awful neck pain and it gives me super bad headaches and makes it hard to type on my computer or look t my phone for long periods of time sooo writing has been a bit difficult lately

sorry if updates on this story and stigma are a little slow

also i'm sorry if this chapter wasn't that good

i really wanted to write the chapter because i had the idea for it

but idk if it's good enough:/