after school that day, chan waited for felix by his locker. he couldn't get minho's words out of his head, and the one person he felt he needed to speak to the most about that was felix.

when felix got out of class, he wasn't exactly surprised to see chan waiting for him. chan would often wait at felix's locker to offer the boy a ride home, so felix just expected that to be the case once again.

"hey channie," felix greeted with a smile.

"hey sunshine," chan said, but he didn't sound happy like he normally did when calling felix 'sunshine.'

"is everything okay?" felix asked after picking up on chan's tone.

"not really, do you think i could drive you home and we could talk?" chan asked with doe eyes. felix found it hard to say no to the boy, he had a problem saying no to anyone really.

"sure," felix smiled halfheartedly as he grabbed his things to leave. felix didn't know what chan wanted to speak about, so the boy's words made him slightly anxious.

the two of them walked out of the building, side by side, earning stares from changbin of course. changbin just let out a sigh as he slammed his locker shut. felix didn't notice, and changbin was grateful for that.

changbin wanted to distance himself from felix ever since he and chan fought at the hospital. changbin would never admit it to anyone else, but he took chan's words to heart. he worried he was the reason felix ended up in the hospital.

once chan and felix made it to chan's car, felix mentally prepared himself for the worst. it was what he always did when someone said they had to talk to him.

"so lix..." chan started, "i wanted to talk to you about what happened at lunch today."

"oh, are you going to tell me the thing i couldn't understand?" felix asked.

"no," chan shook his head, "sorry, i should've specified. i actually wanted to talk about what minho said to me."

"what about it?" felix questioned with uncertainty.

"do you think i've changed?" chan asked, his eyes showing how hurt he was.

"well," felix murmured.

"be honest please, i won't get upset." chan stated as he grabbed onto felix's hands.

"you have changed." felix said honestly.

"i have? in what ways?"

"ever since that sleepover we had at your house the night i came back... you slowly started changing. you've become so mean to changbin, and more protective over me. i appreciate you looking out for me, but changbin used to be one of your best friends... don't ruin your friendship with him because of me." felix explained with a soft and comforting tone of voice.

"but he hurt you sunshine." chan's eyes were glossy and his eyebrows were furrowed. felix could tell how much chan cared about him, chan always took care of felix, but lately it was becoming a bit excessive.

"i forgave him chan, you should too. not that you even have a reason to need to forgive him, but you need to move past the fact that he hurt me. changbin and i are friends, you and changbin are friends... let's just put everything behind us, yeah?"

"i wish i could, but i just can't. i will never get over it." chan said bluntly.

"why not?" felix questioned, "i'm over it, you should be too. it was my relationship."

"it might've been your relationship, but i took care of you practically everyday afterwards. i vividly remember you vomiting from being so anxious, i remember you crying for hours about it. your world collapse the day he left you. you had such a strong attachment to him felix. he broke you. how can i forgive someone that broke my sunshine?"

"chan..."

"no lix, tell me. tell me it didn't hurt. tell me that wasn't the worst pain you ever felt."

"chan--"

"go ahead, tell me... i know you can't." chan said confidently.

felix took a deep breath before speaking, "you're right, it did hurt."

"i know, i witnessed it."

"but..." felix said and chan's eyebrows furrowed, "that wasn't the worst pain i ever felt... it's not even the second worst pain i ever felt."

"wha--"

"the worst pain was when i found out my father was dead, and the second was watching him be buried in the ground... and the third was the day my mom sent me to korea, that was the day my mom as i knew her died. i don't have parents chan. that's the worst pain i feel every single day." felix said before stepping out of chan's car to walk home instead.

"felix wait..." chan called out.

"don't come after me, i want to be alone." felix stated as he continued on walking without a second thought.

a.n.

i'm really really anxious and there's nothing i can do to stop it :(