felix sat in lunch that day with his head down, and headphones on with music blasting. he was exhausted from his sleepless nights, and probably the lack of nutrients in his system.

chan knew felix needed to eat. he knew felix probably hadn't been eating much lately, if anything at all.

chan placed his hand gently on felix's back to get the boy's attention, "hey sunshine, did you eat anything today?"

chan's questioned went unanswered. felix lifted up his head for a brief moment, but upon hearing the question he just laid right back down.

it was getting harder and harder for felix to hide his emotions. his energy was being drained, and the life was being sucked right out of him as his depression and anxiety got worse.

changbin noticed how disheveled felix looked, he almost didn't even look like himself anymore. changbin blamed himself for it partially. he was hurting felix each day and he knew the rumors among the friend group about him and hyunjin were not making it any better.

"what's going on with felix?" jisung asked worriedly.

"i don't really know." chan shrugged.

"it's either he didn't sleep or he's fighting off a panic attack right now." changbin explained, staring down at his food, trying to avoid eye contact with the other boys.

"and you know this how?" chan asked, his tone coming off a bit more rude than he intended.

"it's just what he does. the way he is sitting makes me think he is more on the anxious side of things, or maybe he is really sad about something. he typically only puts in his headphones when he's upset, not when he wants to sleep." changbin explained.

changbin shot chan a dirty look, mainly because he was angry over how chan reacted to him just trying to help.

"well if you care enough to know this much then why did you leave him?" chan folded his arms as he narrowed his eyes at changbin.

"chan..." minho spoke as he placed a hand on the boys shoulder to try to get him to realize his mistake.

"what? tell me it's not true! changbin acts like he is such a great guy and claims to know so much about felix, yet he leaves him and hurts him day in and day out." chan spat out angrily.

he raised his voice just enough to the point where felix could hear the muffled sound. felix discretely turned down his volume to hear what was going on.

"chan, it's not your place to speak about that." seungmin stepped in, he was typically the mediator of the group when chan was the one involved in the argument, while minho was the one to call people out in a not so sweet manner.

"he's right chan, don't be a jackass just because you like felix." minho stated. chan felt his face heat up at the mention of his feeling's for felix.

"i don't like felix, shut up." chan rolled his eyes, and changbin just scoffed. felix heard this and began to question what was said, is chan being honest? could he like me? does chan even like boys?

"sure you don't," changbin said, "but regardless, i am still allowed to care about felix. he was my friend before my boyfriend and he clearly is not doing well."

changbin's words hit hard to felix, but not in a bad way. he was glad to know changbin still cared about him. he just wanted changbin back in his life, felix missed the way he could be he most authentic self around changbin.

"and you're the one to blame for that!" chan shouted, referring to how felix was currently in shambles it seemed. he slammed his hands down on the table as he shouted this, making felt jolt up.

"great, you woke him up!" changbin shot back at the boy.

"what's going on?" felix asked, pretending like he hadn't already heard most of the argument.

"nothing lix, nothing." jeongin said to the boy, hoping chan and changbin would stop since felix was up now.

"what's going on is changbin is a complete dickhead!" chan stated angrily.

"chan!" hyunjin gasped.

"really? that's the one time you want to contribute to the conversation? of course it's to defend changbin..." chan's comment not only upset felix, but it also caused a frown to spread onto jeongin's face.

"chan stop it." felix said, his voice lacking any sort of energy.

"why? he hurt you, he continues to hurt you." chan's gaze softened as he looked down at felix.

felix's eyes were glossy, surrounded by the blue and purple hue of exhaustion. they drooped a bit with puffy bags underneath them. his eyes were the tell all of his current state.

"i'm fine chan." felix's voice was soft, and it seemed as though it took a lot out of him to say even that one simple sentence.

"you're not fine lix, we can all see that." chan claimed, but this was only upsetting felix further.

"i don't want you guys worrying about me, please just drop it." felix pleaded.

"chan, listen to felix. you should drop it." minho said to chan.

"drop it? how can i?" chan questioned. it was the first time anyone at the table had really seen chan that upset about something.

"because i asked you to." felix spoke, "you guys don't know the full story, so just leave it alone!" felix stood up abruptly and all the boys watched as his face completely flushed. his eyes began to flutter as he stood there frozen. his hands gripped onto the table, but it was no use.

ultimately, his eyes rolled back and his body crashed onto the floor. everyone in the lunchroom went silent, releasing only a few gasps as they heard the crash.

chan was quick to rush to felix's side and check on him. changbin then went over before anyone else could even react, and picked felix up in his arms to take him into the nurses office. chan did not protest this, he just watched as changbin carried the boy away.

a.n.

i am also not doing well

i cannot explain my current feelings

but it's been hard to write lately since i'm so exhausted from work

yet all i want to do is write!!! i sound like broken record, i know.

but seriously, writing is my main source of happiness soooo i need to write!!