it was finally the day hyunjin and changbin were leaving for their class trip. the two boy's got to school bright and early and loaded onto a bus with the rest of their classmates.

changbin sat at the window, staring out at the world they passed by. hyunjin sat in the aisle seat, talking up a storm to everyone around him.

hyunjin knew things were off between him and changbin, but he didn't really know how to fix it. he couldn't force himself to like changbin, but he wasn't sure that he didn't like the boy.

all hyunjin's life he has been used to just doing what everyone else wants him to. he listens to people more times than he should and follows blindly in things that could even potentially harm him.

this was just another example of that.

hyunjin wanted to like changbin to make changbin happy. he hated when someone had feelings for him and he couldn't return them.

it's how hyunjin felt with jeongin... an unrequited love.

hyunjin has liked jeongin for as long as he can remember, but he has never noticed the small hints the latter leaves for him to pick up that jeongin likes him.

instead, the two live ignorantly thinking that they are not loved back.

this in turn makes hyunjin want to like changbin even more. he has a strong desire to get over jeongin, but he has failed at that for many years now.

as the conversation's around hyunjin died down, he turned to changbin and watched as the boy stared out the window with his headphones in blasting music.

hyunjin took out his headphones and connected his bluetooth to changbin's so they could listen to music together. at first changbin gave hyunjin a questioning look, but then decided against speaking and just allowed the boy to do as he pleased.

hyunjin was expecting the hard rap changbin normally listens to, but was unpleasantly surprised by the soft symphony he was hearing.

the song playing was blue & grey by bts. hyunjin listened to the lyrics as they rang through his ears and sent pain to his heart thinking about the song in context to changbin.

he thought about changbin and how much happier he was when dating felix. ever since changbin ended things with felix, he has changed.

changbin walks around with a sullen expression often, and avoids speaking of his feelings. he doesn't rap much anymore, or sing, or even write music. hyunjin knew little of how the details, but he knew changbin used to do all these things when he had felix.

hyunjin sat there, not realizing he was zoning out while staring at changbin, as a distant memory flooded his mind.

"why are you getting him a gift?" i asked changbin as he searched a multitude of stores for the perfect gift to give felix.

"because... i just need to, okay?" changbin said with a frustrated tone.

"is it his birthday?" i asked him.

"no."

"well it's not even close to christmas so i can't guess that..."

"it's just... he saved me, okay?" changbin let out a defeated sigh.

"saved you?" i questioned, not understanding the meaning. we were in the ninth grade, i had no knowledge of feelings this strong. to me, these types of feelings didn't exist then. i just had my crush on jeongin and that was it.

"he reminds me of her," changbin explained, "ryujin i mean. he's so much like her."

"really?"

"he's an angel hyunjin, i just feel like he was meant to be in my life. i know it sounds stupid, but he's the reason i started writing my music again. he's the first person to make me feel like myself since ryujin died. i know i was only eleven then, but man... it hurt like hell to lose her."

"i'm glad you have him in your life then... does this mean you have feelings for him?" i questioned, not being out to anyone myself yet, i wanted to see how changbin would react.

"maybe... would that be okay? f-for me to like a boy?" changbin asked me hesitantly.

"of course, i like jeongin anyways." i smiled and walked off into a different store to avoid further discussion.

"hyunjin... hyunjinnnnn!" changbin called out as he waved a hand in front of the boys face, snapping him out of his daydream.

"huh? sorry-- what'd you say?" hyunjin asked.

"i said stop fucking staring at me, it's creepy." changbin said as he furrowed his eyebrows.

"o-oh right, sorry." hyunjin said, "uh... so why that song?"

"what song?"

"blue and grey, why that song?"

"why was it playing?" changbin asked and hyunjin responded with a nod, "i like it. don't overthink it, it's not that deep."

"whatever you say binnie." hyunjin shrugged.

"don't call me that." changbin shot back, not meaning to sound so angry, but that nickname was reserved for felix to call him.

"okay..." hyunjin sighed as he sunk down in his seat, switching his headphones over to his own phone.

this is going to be a long weekend, both boys thought to themselves.

a.n.

sorry it's so late

idk how i feel about this chapter ugh

why can't i just be happy with what i writeee