"Oh dear" I let out a big sigh. "I need coffee for this" I exclaimed as I moved towards the coffee maker. I made my warm coffee and sat back down on the sofa facing Steph.

"Okay, so I may have taken your advice and started being a bit more open and try to stop running away from it." I mutter as I took a sip of the still-hot black coffee.

She squealed in excitement clapping her hands playfully "I'm so fucking proud of you Mia, like yes, that's my girl".

I gave her a weak smile. "I may have started using your advice from the same day you gave it to me". I always loved teasing her and not tell her right away what I wanted to say because she acted so childish, running around and tossing her hands up in despair until I told her.

She cocked her eyebrow at me both quizzically and excitedly.

"Okay, so after we hang up the other day Henry messaged me asking if I wanted to go on a late-night walk which I accepted and then one thing led to the other and I may have told him about how I dropped out from college." I bit my lip as I hang my head low.

Steph screeched excitedly "Did you actually?"

I nodded my head in agreement. "What then? What did he say?" she shifted herself so her whole face was on the camera and she had had this girlish 'tell me all the gossip' smile.

"He hugged and said he wanted to help me make all my dreams come true" My speech was really fast and started fidgeting with my fingers while still not locking my eyes my blonde best friend.

"See? I told you he was a nice guy" she blurted with the smile on her face growing even wider.

"There's something about him..." I admitted for the first time, not only to Steph but to myself as well. "What do you mean?" Steph questioned while taking a sip of her coffee.

"See, his ex came up to us the other day and started being really rude but Henry didn't tell what all that was about. Then me, Freya and Anya did some research on her and we found out that she was using him for fame. But I didn't ask him any further because he looked pretty upset. And when I stayed at his house yesterday he had nightmares and told me that he fears being abandoned." I responded to her while mimicking her action and had a taste of my bitter drink.

Steph put her mug down and put her hands on her face in excitement "Wait, wait you slept at his house yesterday?" She was trying to hide her squeals by now.

"It's not what you think it is" I pointed my finger at her to make her pay attention to my words.

"Come on, don't tell me nothing happened". She emphasized while cocking her brow up at me.

I quickly gazed at her eyes while biting my bottom lip as the image of Henry staring into my lips was whirling in my mind.

"Oh.My.God something did happen" she screeched as soon as she noticed my nervous lip biting.

"Nothing happened Steph, he was just chasing me and I tried to get away but he was faster and then he just kept gazing at my lips until a phone call broke us off." I started talking really fast again but Steph was a pro by now of understanding me at times like these.

"So he wanted to kiss you. Interesting" Her tone now mischievous as she entwined her fingers together with her index fingers resting on her chin. That was a sign that she was in deep thought.

I didn't really want to bother with it so I just shrugged my shoulders as I took another sip.

"Do not shrug your shoulders at me, missy. We are so having this conversation." She got up to make another coffee as she had already finished her first one.

"Okay, so did you want to kiss him back?" She asked as soon as she sat back down on her sofa.

"I don't know, I'm so lost right now" I groaned as I was sulking into my own sofa.

"Why are you lost?" She asked me again but now she fully concerned. Steph was a guidance counselor and she would often make me talk about my feelings which I both hated and loved. I hated confessing my feelings because I always thought that other people had it worse than me and that I shouldn't be worrying about them and it made me feel like such a bad person. But when I was letting it all out it felt like an elephant took a foot off my chest and that was so liberating.

"Last night I had a dream. It wasn't like the regular ones. I saw that me Henry and his dog went out on a walk and had a great day until we got back on the set and he started making out with his ex in front of me" I sighed as I let it all out, I tried not to think about that dream for the rest of the day but I couldn't just keep anything to myself when talking to Steph.

She tilted her head slightly to the right while giving me a sincere smile "It looks to me like you have feelings for Henry but you're scared. You're scared that it will end up the same way it did with Alex and Nick" she let out a small sigh.

You're scared that it will end up the same way it did with Alex and Nick" she let out a small sigh.

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Nick was my first love. I was 16 at the time. Don't get me wrong, I had relationships before him but the way I felt for him I hadn't felt for anyone else. We met on Facebook after he liked some of my memes, we started talking and we hit it off right away. Just the second day of talking we decided to video call through Skype because he was supposed to help me with my science exam. I found out that he lived in Crete because of his university, a big beautiful island south of the mainland, which was also 7 hours away by ship.

After that day we spoke non-stop. We would be video calling for hours and after we hang up we would still be messaging each other. What I loved about Nick was that he always knew what I wanted to say without me having to say it. He would always tell me how much I meant to him and how much he wanted to have me in his arms.

Until one day it actually happened. He was back at his parents' house for the summer which was only an hour away. After work he got the train to come and see me. I was so nervous about meeting him and I wanted to look cute for him. I hadn't started dying my hair red by then so my natural brown color was showing through my curls. My hazel eyes were emphasized by my mascara while also making a nice contrast with my blue, knee-high, flowy floral dress, and my beige sandals.

As soon as I saw him waiting outside the train station my knees felt weak but I regained all my strength as I saw him smiling wide at me while heading towards me. I fell in love with his smile as soon as I saw him on Skype, no one told me that it would be even better when I would see him face to face.

He embraced me in a tight hug, he smelled of mint, cigarettes, and fresh soap and all I wanted was for time to stop. I wanted to stay in his arms forever. It felt like this was where I belonged because we fit so well together.

The rest of the day we spent it walking around my town, drinking coffee, and making stupid jokes. We went back home when it started getting dark and my mum had heated the chicken, Alfredo, I had made earlier and I took two beers while he took the plates and I led him to my balcony.

It was a warm August night with a full moon, the sky was clear and we were stargazing for hours while whispering sweet nothings to each other. After some time he started getting tired so we went back inside to my room to sleep. He was so exhausted that as soon as he lied down he was fast asleep but he never broke contact with me, he wanted to have me always by his side touching me.

That night I couldn't sleep, I just kept starring at him feeling a pain in my heart and the thought that this would be the first and last time I would see him.

The next day we woke up and had our breakfast while playing escape games on my phone until it was time for him to leave. I went to the train station with him and I hugged him so tight like my life was depending on it. He kissed my forehead and then boarded the train.

It wasn't the same after he left. We kept talking less and less until one day he just messaged me that he couldn't take it anymore and after that he just blocked me.

My whole world was shattered, I kept trying to call him but he wouldn't answer.

My last night in Greece I spent it drunk with my mum, her best friend, and our neighbor. That's when I decided to call him one more time.

The only thing I remember was that I told him that all he needed to tell me was not go to England and just stay with him and I would. I don't remember if he answered me but what I can recall is his best friend sending me a picture of him kissing another girl.

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"Am I wrong for being afraid? Nick left me without explanation and then I get a fucking picture of him kissing another girl. And then Alex as soon as he went to Greece he got back his stupid tall, blonde, blue-eyed, fucking perfect Russian ex. He got back to his cheating ex so quick like I meant nothing to him." I started raising my voice getting upset.

But I realized it soon after and I rested my head on my hands as I muttered a sorry to Steph and she answered with an understanding head nod.

"I just feel like I'll never be enough you know? Especially for Henry. I've been through all this shit and it's hard for me to let someone in and I can be a real pain in the ass and he doesn't deserve that." I admitted to her after a while not making eye contact with her feeling bad for raising my voice at her.

"I understand that, but all I'm trying to say is that-" Steph cut her sentence short as we heard a notification from my phone.

I frowned and went to see who had messaged me.

DC Douchebag: Hey is everything all right?