It is the most stressful Valentine’s day Jade has ever experienced. She had no idea what she should get Jed, since she does not know him that well. She ended up settling for a t-shirt, which is far from the romantic gift she would ideally like to give, but it is something. Then there is Perrie, which is technically Jade's lover, although Jade would only refer to her as a very close friend, in order to put her own mind at ease. Perrie deserves a Valentine's gift too, Jade knows that. She would love to go spend the day with Perrie, and stay in together, but Jade has lunch planned with her family and Jed at her flat. So Jade ended up settling for Perrie's present too, and sent her a bouquet of Violets accompanied by a sweet, apologetic note.

Jed is busy setting the table when a knock on the door is heard, and Jade walks over to get it. She is faced with her mother's warm smile and immediately pulls her into a hug. They don't get to see each other too often, so every opportunity is precious.

"Hi pet," Norma says after they let go. She enters the flat, and sees Jed in the kitchen. Jade had told her over the phone about how Perrie and her broke up and that she is seeing someone new, so Norma has a pretty good idea as to who this man is.

"Hi mom," Jade replies, then notices Norman's gaze on Jed. "Mom, this is my boyfriend, Jed. And Jed, that's Norma, my mom." Jade almost chokes on her own words. She does not feel comfortable referring to Jed as her boyfriend, but anything else would seem extremely odd, so she has no other choice. Jed puts down the plate he is holding and walks over to Norma. He offers his hand for her to shake, and she accepts it. They engage in small talk as Jade pretends to be focused on continuing to set the table, as she does not want to be a part of this conversation. Fortunately, her strategy seems to work.

A few minutes later, another knock on the door is heard, and Jade quickly answers it. She already knows who is waiting on the other side - Karl, Shireen, Leoni, and most importantly - little Karl. She gives everyone welcoming hugs and invites them inside, then officially presents Jed to them and them to Jed.

The meal goes just fine. Jade feels bad for the fact that her older brother and his wife are showing much more affection than her and her boyfriend that have only started dating a few weeks ago and should be all over each other, today especially. However, she is not bothered enough to do anything about it. She is good in her own personal space, and it seems like Jed is mostly indifferent, too.

After lunch ends, everyone goes to the living room. Jade and Jed are sitting next to each other on the couch as little Karl approaches them and starts talking to Jade. He tells her about what he had made for her out of Play-Doh, and how he is going to show it to her when she comes home. Jade promises to visit as soon as she can, then changes the subject of the conversation.

"Karl, did you know that Jed is in a band? He plays the guitar, and he's really good at it," she tries to make some sort of connection between the two. Getting along with little Karl is a threshold condition in order to date Jade, and this is Jed's chance to prove himself.

"Jed?" Little Karl asks with a hint of confusion. Jed smiles in amusement, and Jade realizes that the official introduction earlier must have flown over his head.

"Yeah. He's my boyfriend," Jade explains again and points at Jed using her thumb. Little Karl's face light up after a moment.

"Like Perrie," he says. Perrie's name being mentioned makes Jade's heart beat insanely fast. Little Karl's speech is still developing, which means he does not speak completely clearly, and Jade hopes she had misheard his words.

"Huh?" She asks.

"Like Perrie is your girlfriend!" Little Karl exclaims. Jade can tell that he is proud of himself for remembering this, but she is very desperately looking for a way out now. She is extremely nervous, shifting her gaze between Jed and little Karl to asses their reactions. "You said that on Christmas, when I made her a drawing!"

"Oh, buddy, it was just a joke," Jade answers and adds a fake laugh. She thought little Karl did not understand most of what she was saying to him, but now knows that this is not the truth. She feels guilty for underestimating her nephew to the point where her boyfriend is about to find out that she has been lying to him.

"But you kissed her, like this," little Karl insists and shapes his lips in the shape of a kiss.

"I think mommy's calling you," Jade mumbles an embarrassed lie and little Karl walks away to talk to Shireen. Jade is shocked, angry, surprised, worried and confused all at the same time. Jed has already suspected that she is hiding something, specifically something that has to do with Perrie, and so far that has been avoidable, but it looks like she is going to owe Jed some explanations now.

×××

Norma is the last guest to leave the house, and as soon as she steps out the door, the intense atmosphere that has been present ever since the talk with little Karl turns heavier. It is completely silent as Jed washes the dishes and Jade sweeps the floor. She has no idea what to say except for apologizing, but does not know how to phrase said apology. She is not sorry for being Perrie's girlfriend in the past, that was one of the best things that's ever happened to her. She is not sorry about being with Perrie right now either, even though she should be. Jade feels for Jed, she truly does, but Perrie is the one she is meant to be with. So how could she ever feel sorry for doing what feels the rightest thing in the world?

"I'm sorry that I lied to you," Jade finally breaks the silence with a quiet voice. She never meant to hurt Jed as her friend, and feels bad knowing she did so. "Perrie and I were a thing, and it was more serious than what I told you when you asked," she admits with a lump in her throat. "It lasted a few months, and I'm still trying to process what happened there, to be honest. It was a lot, and it moved so quickly, and it was so, so complicated. I'm sorry I wasn't honest when I talked about this before, it's just not something that I reveal easily to anyone."

"When did all of that happen?" Jed asks, his gaze focused on the plates in the sink instead of on Jade. She is glad that at least she does not have to see whatever heartbreaking emotion that is shining through his eyes right now.

"It started in July," Jade begins, but has no intention to continue. This is hard enough as it is, she cannot reveal the fact that she has been cheating on Jed, too.

"So you broke up around last autumn? October? November? Was that it?" Jed tries to get more information, and Jade grows more stressed by the minute.

"It was longer than that," she tells him.

"December, then?"

"More like January," Jade says with a weak voice. This is not just about her anymore; she has Perrie to think about, too. How would Perrie feel when she will hear that Jade has told everything to Jed? She will be so, so hurt. Jade knows that, and she cannot let it happen.

"We started dating in January," Jed points out the obvious. "Early January," he says, almost as a warning. He knew something was off ever since that night out with Danielle in late January. Jade had promised it was nothing, but then there was their kiss at that bar, and again, Jade insisted it was nothing. Is it truly possible for such a bold gesture to be as meaningless as Jade presents it to be?

"Look, I'm not going to go into too much detail because I don't know if Perrie is going to be okay with it, but this is nothing that you need to be worried about," Jade lies. They have been dating for such a brief period of time, yet she is already unable to count how many lies she had told Jed.

"How exactly am I supposed to not be worried about that?" Jed asks. It is the first time Jade has seen him truly tense, and she feels terrible for being the one to bring him to this stage. "You kissed her right in front of me! I believed you when you said it was a joke, but I don't know about that anymore. I just don't understand. Are you still in love with her or something? Because this is so, so weird."

Jade asks herself this question before she verbally replies. Is she still in love with Perrie? Yes. She is sure of that. But there is obviously a wrong answer and a right one in this situation, and she is not about to give Jed the one ultimate reason to break up with her. The end of their relationship would mean that Perrie and her will be back right where they started, having to hide and sneak and calculate every move. That is not the life she wants.

"No, I'm not," Jade finally says out loud. She tries to avoid full sentences, because it feels like it is less of a lie when her words are not direct. "The fans really do love seeing us together, that's completely true. And we play along. There was nothing romantic about it," she continues, feeling worse with every word that comes out of her mouth.

"It didn't feel like it," Jed answers, getting impatient. "Jade, I'm really trying to understand what you're saying, but it just doesn't make sense. You've been with her until January? And you never thought to mention that?" Jade is starting to crack under the pressure. The last thing she would ever want to do is hurt Perrie, but on the other hand, she never meant to hurt Jed, although she knew it was unavoidable. The only way she could minimize the damage is by telling enough of the truth to satisfy Jed, and leave in the dark just enough information on order to protect Perrie.

"Things between us have been so, so complicated. I don't even think you begin to understand how hard and complex it was," Jade begins, purposely avoiding mentioning Perrie's name although she is obviously the subject of this conversation. "I didn't know you back in January, not really, and I didn't think there was a chance you'd ask me to… make it official between us," she carefully elaborates. Jade goes on to explain how important Perrie will always be to her, and how she could not do anything over the phone. She summarizes the important details to Jed, while she makes sure to focus on her side of the story. She leaves Perrie out of it as much as possible, and takes all of the blame, for everything, on herself. She does not mention anything that happened between Perrie and her after Paris, only before and during it. The more Jade talks about this, the more she feels like she is talking to Jed as her friend, not her boyfriend. His anger is slowly beginning to fade, and is instead replaced by empathy. He feels for Jade and everything she has been through. The only thing that heavily bothers him is the fact that she was in a relationship when she agreed to be his girlfriend; even though, to his knowledge, that relationship ended a few days afterwards.

That night, they go to bed early. Neither of them can sleep as they lay in different sides of the bed, as far from each other as possible, and Jade finally grabs her phone from the nightstand and starts looking through old photos. She has countless pictures of Perrie from when it was just the two of them. Perrie cooking for her, laughing at her lame jokes, peacefully sleeping, and so many more. These are dear moments that she will never be able to forget. The tears appear on their own, and it becomes harder with each time Jade finds a blurry picture of Perrie's shining smile. She does not know how long it is going to take until she sees Perrie beautifully, and genuinely, happy again.

×××

Tonight was supposed to be one of the happiest nights of Jade's life. She wanted to win British Single of the Year so bad it almost hurt. As if losing was not enough, it has been twelve days since Jed found out about Jade and Perrie's relationship. He is back in the US for at least a couple of months, and Jade and him are making sure to talk on the phone every day. So far, Jade has managed to keep the fact that she has been cheating on him a secret. However, he is still hurt from her lies, and it is a time where they need to fight to stay together. She needs to tell Perrie what's going on.

Jade has seen Perrie every day recently at rehearsals, as they were preparing for their Brits performance around the clock. However, she did not get a proper chance to talk to her, just the two of them, because of how hectic everything has been. Now, she feels guilty for mistreating both Jed and Perrie. She needs to tell Perrie as soon as possible, and so she decides on tonight, right after the afterparty.

The camera flashes are blinding as they walk out of the venue the party is held in, and into the car that is waiting for them. Jade cannot hold it in any longer, and calls Perrie's name as they settle inside, but are still fully exposed to the paparazzi. Perrie smiles at Jade and silently asks her what's going on using her gaze, and Jade says that she needs to talk to her. However, there is so much noise around them that Perrie cannot hear a word. She gently puts her hand on the back of Jade's head so that she can whisper in her ear.

"What did you say?" Perrie asks in a loud whisper.

"I need to talk to you," Jade tells her. "Do you want to come over?"

"Yeah, sure," Perrie replies with a smile. She had wanted to ask Jade to stay at her place tonight away, because she herself had just moved and her new house is currently a mess.

They make many stops around London, dropping off everyone from the Little Mix team that came to the afterparty with them. When they get to Jade's flat, Perrie and her say warm goodbyes to everyone and enter the apartment building. After taking the lift, Jade unlocks the door and both girls change out of the outfits they are wearing and into more comfortable clothes. Jade has her own pajamas to wear, while there are a couple of clothing items, mostly hoodies and sweatpants, that belong to Perrie and are permanently in Jade's apartment. She dresses in those and takes off her makeup, then Jade walks into the bathroom and does the same. Meanwhile, Perrie makes them both tea, and just when she serves it to the coffee table, Jade arrives and sits next to her on the couch.

Jade does not have to say a word, she is already way too emotional. She looks into Perrie's eyes, which are patiently waiting for her to talk, and the tears come without a warning. Jade feels so miserable that it translates into crying, but this only makes her feel worse. She cannot make Perrie feel bad for seeing her cry, when it is Jade that owns Perrie countless apologies.

"What happened, baba?" Perrie softly asks Jade as she pulls her into a hug. Jade cannot find the words to describe how she is feeling right now, or why she is feeling it, so she stays silent. For a while, Perrie holds Jade and gently rocks her as they still hold onto each other. Perrie strokes Jade's hair, and whispers in her ear sweet words to calm her down. Although she herself has no clue what is going on, she knows what to do since that is exactly how Jade took care of her after she broke up with Zayn.

When Jade feels like she can breathe again, she lets go of Perrie. Her eyes are bloodshot and swollen, but Perrie sends her a comforting smile, and Jade smiles back.

"I had my family over on Valentine’s day," Jade finally starts. Perrie nods while wearing the same smile, encouraging her to keep talking. "Jed was there too," Jade continues. It is getting hard for her to speak again, so Perrie purposely takes deep, visible breaths so that Jade can mimic her actions. It seems to be working, and Jade's breaths are not so quick anymore and she calms down again. "We were talking to baby Karl, and he said something about you being my girlfriend." Jade does not need to say another word, because Perrie already understands. This is the end for Jade and her. "And Jed got angry, because I lied to him, and I don't blame him at all, I just hate how I made everything so complicated and I didn't tell him anything about us right now, so don't worry, but I'm just so sorry, Pez. I'm so, so sorry." The words are coming out of her mouth swiftly, another indication of how nervous she is. Perrie takes another deep breath, this time for herself. She cannot help but cry, too. This is not something they can ignore and move on from in a few days. It is truly, undoubtedly the end.

"It's okay," Perrie tells Jade. Nothing about her blue eyes shows that it is, indeed, okay, but she has no intention of making Jade feel worse than she already does. She puts on a fake smile, fully knowing that Jade can see right through it, and takes Jade's hand in hers. "We still have each other, it's just going to be… It's going to be different. But that doesn't mean bad, right? It's just different," Perrie tries cheering both Jade and herself up.

"Mhm," Jade agrees through the tears, creating a period of silence. Perrie is not about to go spend the night anywhere else, and she is not about to change her plans of sleeping in the same bed as Jade and cuddling with her. She knows that no matter what, they will always be somewhere on the borderline between friendship and love. For now, she wants to push this line as far as she can without crossing it. Without a warning, Jade comes closer and kisses Perrie's lips. For a moment, it is like nothing has changed and tonight never occurred, but Perrie cannot let that happen. She feels too guilty for that.

"Jade, your boyfriend knows," Perrie tells Jade and gently pushes her back. Though looking back at Jade means seeing her tears again, and the heartbreaking expression on her face.

"Just one more night," Jade begs. "Please," her voice breaks. The way she says these words, combined with how terrible Perrie is feeling right now, makes her think that Jade is right. They have already done enough to damage to hurt so many things, that one more night won't matter.

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