A/n: I've been having a bit of a problem with the chapters lately. There's a lot of stuff to fit in and I end up making several updates about the same date/very close dates, and not much happens in every update. So I want to maybe try out something new. What would you guys prefer?

1- Chapters remaining as long as they have been up until now, which will lead to a larger number of chapters in general.

OR

2- Longer, more eventful chapters, like this one. That means fewer chapters overall.

-Either way, the plot will remain as I've planned-

This chapter is really long, because it just wouldn't make sense to split it up into shorter updates. I personally prefer longer chapters, but this decision is completely up to you.

Feel free to read this chapter, see how it goes, and then come back here to answer based on your experience.

Enjoy!

Perrie struggles to keep her eyes open as the gentle rocking of the cab makes her feel secured. She is on her way to the Vevo and Spotify UK headquarters, where Jade, Jesy, Leigh-Anne and her will be interviewed, and will also be attending a meeting with their label and a few representatives of Spotify. Perrie has the reputation of a very talkative, bubbly person, though in days such as today, these titles feel like a lot of pressure. She is tired of everything that is going on in her life right now. All she wants to do is shut her eyes and disconnect from it all. She feels somewhat isolated, like no one can understand her right now.

Perrie is well aware of the fact that things with Jade are not going as she had expected and hoped. She cannot tell whether Jade's pace is too fast or if she herself is moving too slow, but either way, it is not working. Jade is too far in, and it only makes Perrie recoil from this whole thing.

Lately, she has begun developing an issue with falling asleep at night. Even though she is exhausted after long days of work, she lies in bed with her eyes open, unable to fade into sleep. With the busy work schedule Perrie has, it is only during nighttime when she finally has time to really ponder where she is currently standing at, regarding of Jade. How is she supposed to untie this mess she created?

The nights are long and tiring. Since no one but the four members of Little Mix knows about her relationship with Jade, Perrie has nobody to talk about it with. Jade made it clear in the past that she does not want Perrie to talk about their relationship with Jesy or Leigh-Anne, which makes everything very difficult. Perrie cannot consult with anyone nor vent, and feels completely alone. If that is not enough, she sees Jade almost every day. She watches herself destroy everything they built so far; beyond their relationship, their friendship is taking the hit and is slowly becoming increasingly wounded.

The sole action of waking up today made Perrie irritated. She stayed in bed after hitting the snooze button too many times, and then Hatchi began barking and climbing onto her bed. Perrie knew that he is demanding to go on a morning walk, which is a reasonable request, considering the fact that he cannot pee in the hotel room. Yet she could not help but become angry and frustrated. Back when she lived with Zayn, they would let Hatchi go to their back yard every morning, which saved lots of time and efforts. Since she is not able to do that anymore, she got dressed, latched the leash onto her Pomeranian's collar, and led them both outside.

Ten minutes later they were both back in the hotel room, where Perrie made herself a cup of coffee in the small kitchen. She was not focused on her actions due to the lack of sleep she has been experiencing, and as a result of that, she spilt the drink all over her shirt. She had to change into a different top, which only made her be more annoyed, since she does not have a washing machine in her uncomfortable, temporary home so doing the laundry has become a complicated task.

"We're here, Miss," the driver informs Perrie, snapping her out of her thoughts. She absentmindedly pays for the ride and thanks the driver, then steps out of the car. Her steps are heavy and her eyes are sore as she enters the building. After sneaking a quick glance at her tired eyes through the front camera on her phone, she decides to keep her sunglasses on for the day.

Perrie is guided to the room where her bandmates are already getting their hair and makeup done. Jesy and Leigh-Anne see her through the mirror and wave and smile at Perrie as she goes to greet them. Jade's eyes are closed as Adam is applying makeup to her eyelids, but when he is done, she opens her eyes and locks gazes with Perrie through the mirror. A smile spreads on her face, and it feels Perrie with warmth. She feels welcomed and wanted, and it makes her forget every depressing thought she had had this morning.

As Perrie hugs Jade tightly, she understands how Jade's genuine smile whenever they meet is the best and worst part of it all. There is no better feeling than knowing that this grin is reserved just for Perrie, though it is also saddening to know that despite how Perrie keeps hurting her, Jade keeps smiling. Jade might be disappointed and hurt, but she does not hold anything against Perrie.

"You're such a diva with those sunglasses," Jade says and laughs as they let go. Perrie smiles whilst positioning herself on the free chair in front of the mirror, next to Jade.

"Trust me, you do not want to see my sleep deprived eyes right now," Perrie replies. As soon as Adam and Aaron are done with her three bandmates, they both go over to Perrie's chair and work their magic on her skin and hair. About thirty minutes later, all four women are waiting for the interview to start. They are meant to be taking over Spotify's Snapchat account, so Jade films Perrie with funny filters and posts it on the app. Then they switch, and Perrie uses the best filter she can find on Jade.

"You look really cute!" Perrie says behind the camera as she films the rainbow falling out of Jade's mouth, accompanied by extravagantly blushed cheeks and a candid smile.

Jade posts the video on her Instagram as well, wanting as many people to see it as possible, because Perrie's voice in the background makes her feel like there is some real hope that everything could be perfect between them one day. It takes no longer than a few seconds for comments to be written, and Jade is not sure if these stress her out or make her feel delighted.

After playing around with a couple more filters, Perrie puts her phone down and faces Jade. She is slightly nervous when she calls her girlfriend's name.

"Can I ask you something?" Perrie continues, doing her best to appear as relaxed as possible, even though she knows that Jade probably sees right through her.

"What is it?" Jade replies, and her brown eyes shine with a mix of affection, worry and curiosity.

"This is a bit random, but um, I feel kind of... alone, if that makes sense," Perrie starts, trying to use the right words in order to avoid giving Jade the wrong impression. "I mean, I've got you, obviously, but I need someone to like, talk about this whole thing with. You know, just a friend who doesn't happen to also be my girlfriend. There was this day when I said some stuff to Jesy about your feelings and you told me that I was sharing things that should be kept between us. And I completely understand, and I won't tell anybody anything if you don't me to, but I'm just asking if you maybe changed your mind since then. I really need to talk to someone, and I hope you can understand that. I won't talk about you if you prefer I'd leave out of this, I'll just talk about me. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, of course," Jade answers, a bit surprised that Perrie even has to ask this. It takes her a few moments to process everything, and then she remembers just that time Perrie is talking about. It was the day they performed at the Apple Music Festival, and Jade freaked out because Perrie told Jesy that Jade liked her. It was also the day Jade got the text from Jed, offering her to go to Paris on their second date. "That time you were talking about, with Jesy, it was just stupid. I was really nervous that day because there was something else going on. And everything was very new and I just panicked. Let's just forget about it, please," Jade continues. She avoids revealing the reason why she was so stressed out that day, since she has no intention of bringing Jed up right now.

"Alrigh, then," Perrie replies and nods her head as she is wearing a satisfied smile. She sneaks a small kiss onto Jade's cheek, as quick as possible, and tells herself that friendships sometimes are affectionate, as well as relationships, so she should not be worried about the people around them.

The next hour passes with much laughter and joy. During the interview, Jade and Jesy entertain everyone by attempting to perform the non-existent rap versions of Black Magic and Change Your Life. Two more interviews later, all four members of Little Mix are sitting at a conference room alongside familiar and unfamiliar men and women, all dressed in suits. The meeting centers around money, mostly, and the four women find themselves getting bored quite fast. Long thirty minutes pass before the Spotify representatives step out, as they are done with the task they were supposed to fulfill, and Jade, Perrie, Jesy and Leigh-Anne are left in the room with people from Syco.

"The songs we have decided are going to be the next singles are Secret Love Song and Hair, correct? And obviously we have the music video for Love Me Like You coming out next Saturday," Elizabeth Honan, the group's creative director, says as she looks at her laptop screen.

"Correct," the four women say in unison.

"Great," Elizabeth replies and lifts her gaze off of the screen. "Hair will be released next year, around April, while you will be on tour. So we're going to have to film the music video in February, before we begin rehearsing for the tour. Sounds good?" Most of the people in the room nod, and it is the confirmation Elizabeth needs in order to move on to another subject. "Okay, so, we talked to Jason Derulo's team, and he can make it to a video shoot on the seventeenth of December. Here's what I was imagining for the video - nighttime in London, only you guys and Jason, singing to each other. We won't have more than a few hours so that's probably all we'll manage to shoot."

"We want to do a storyline for that video. About an LGBT couple," Jesy says. The girls and her have talked about wanting the video for Secret Love Song to have this storyline ever since it was decided that this is going to be a single.

"That doesn't fit with the song," one of the men says. The girls do not know him personally, but they have seen his face around the label offices a couple of times.

"It does. The song was written about LGBT relationships," Jade argues, knowing very well that she is right. More often than not, it feels as though the label is purposely going against her and her bandmates. This attitude seemed to change after Black Magic was released, probably due to its success, but is now starting to appear again. All four women have been afraid to speak up in the past, but as the years pass, they are finding their voices and opinions in front of the label and beyond. Jesy is usually the one who handles scenarios like this, but one thing Jade does not play around with is proper treatment for everything LGBTQ+ related.

"The concept changed after Jason's verse was added. It would make no sense to present any plotline other than a woman who is hiding a lover. So no, we're not doing that. And we have no time to shoot a storyline anyway," the man impatiently replies. Just when Jade is about to let out everything she has been holding back for years now about the label and their attitude towards the group, Elizabeth's voice sounds.

"How about we'll consider making Secret Love Song Part Two a single as well?" She says, trying to calm down the argument in front of her, which is turning heated. "Maybe a promotional single, we'll see. I'll look into it. Hopefully we can do both parts, and the second one is going to have the LGBT storyline it is about."

Jade is shining with elation throughout the rest of the meeting, and does not bother listening to a single word said in the conference room. She has this fantasy in her mind, that they will film this video and that way, they could test the waters, see the fans' response. She knows nothing will happen in the near future, but maybe one day, if the response is supportive and loving, Perrie and her will reveal what is going on behind the scenes.

×××

As soon as the meeting is over, Leigh-Anne rushes out of the room. She had told her bandmates a few days ago about how Jordan is coming to pick her up to start celebrating her birthday early. Perrie hugs Jade goodbye in the dressing room, and watches Jade with a small smile until the door is closed behind her. Only Jesy and Perrie are left, and Perrie realizes that this is her chance to finally talk to someone she truly trusts about everything.

"Jes?" Perrie starts, turning to her bandmate. Jesy is ready to leave, but after she sees the look in Perrie's eyes, she puts her purse back down. "Do you mind staying a little longer? I need to talk to you about something."

"Of course," Jesy replies. She sits on the couch, and Perrie is quick to join her. Perrie takes her shoes off, leaving her feet only covered by a white pair of socks, and sits leg crossed as she is facing her bandmate. Jesy does the same, and a few moments later, Perrie begins to speak.

"I need to talk to you about me and Jade's relationship," she starts, but is not satisfied with her choice of words. "No, more about me when I'm with Jade. I just... I'm not where she is, yet. I feel like this might be happening too fast. Maybe I'm not ready to move on so quickly after Zayn." It has been months since this name last came out of Perrie's lips, and it feels both familiar and extremely odd to say his name out loud.

"How long has it been since the break up?" Jesy asks.

"Not even three months. And Jade and I have been together about two weeks now," Perrie answers. "It was a four year relationship, we were engaged. We weren't planning a wedding anytime soon, but it was serious. I was broken when I read that text, because I truly did love him, despite everything. You and Leigh-Anne were there for me, and you really helped me to get through it, but Jade... Jade didn't leave my side. She made me breakfast and kept telling me to eat when I've had no appetite. She even allowed me to move in with her! It is mad how much she has done for me. Maybe I was just confused, because she showed me how much she loved me when he just threw me out, and that's why we started making out in the first place. I don't think I was in a point to start something new. And now this is a relationship too, and I'm making the same mistake again. Too serious, too soon."

"Pez, I'm only saying this because I love you," Jesy says after a few quiet moments. "Your relationship with Zayn was on the rocks since March, when all of these rumors began circulating. I know you've had your ups and downs since then, and the timing of the break up wasn't really predictable, but you weren't happy with him. Not since March, at least. And when you're not happy, you look for change, for a way to move on. How he chose to end it eventually just makes it more likely that this relationship was over a long time before July. So I don't think you moved on too fast, not at all. And as for Jade - maybe you were just confused, like you said. There's no way for me to know for sure, this is something you need to look back on and figure out on your own. But I think you're freaking yourself out right now for no reason. Jade is happy to have you, I can see that, and so can Leigh. You're fine, relax. Give it some time."

"I don't think that Jade is happy with me. At all. Because I say some really stupid romantic shit sometimes, even though I don't really mean it, and it gets her hopes high. And like I told you, I'm not there yet. I keep hurting her, and I feel so fucking guilty for it, but what else can I do?" Perrie questions, expressing her despair over the cycle Jade her got into.

"Well, you can start with saying only things you mean," Jesy suggests. "Just stop saying stuff you don't mean. I'm sure Jade's going to like it much better."

"I wouldn't know what to say, Jes!" Perrie emotionally replies. "I say what I know would be the right thing to say - I repeat what they say in movies and on TV - because I feel so fucking inexperienced. I'm twenty two years old! And this is like, the third relationship I've been in my whole life! When I was in college I had a boyfriend, Adam. At the time, I thought we were great, but looking back at it, this relationship sucked. I was eighteen, I didn't know the first thing about love. I broke up with him, do you remember it? It was during the X Factor, I think it was in either October or November of that year, and in December I already met Zayn. My relationship with Zayn was the complete opposite - it was so serious, while Adam and I were just a couple of dumb teens. So this is my experience. I know the two ends, but I don't know anything in the middle. Something that is serious, but not like, wedding serious. I just don't know how to act around her."

"Just be yourself, Pez! Jade knows who you are. Be weird and funny and positive and everything that you usually are," Jesy advises with a sweet smile. "And just how experienced do you think Jade is? She's twenty two as well, and she was dating Sam for two years. She never talked about having a partner before the X Factor."