《Don't Forget You're Mine || Jerrie》14
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Perrie watches as Jade leaves the bathroom, obviously holding back tears. This night started out so well, with meeting plenty of interesting people and big names in the industry, the most exciting one being Selena Gomez, but it took a turn for the worse after Perrie said too much. She wonders whether she should go after Jade. The instinctive response would be yes, but Perrie is not sure how it is going to make anything better. She does not have an explanation nor comfort to offer Jade. It is probably better off if they spend the night apart and take some time to calm down before work tomorrow.
Even though Perrie had figured some time apart would be good for Jade and her, she knows that she must talk to Jade today, or at least text her. She takes out her phone and is ready to type, but does not have a clue what to write. After a few moments of staring at the screen, she gives up and decides to postpone this task for later. She turns the screen off and places her phone in her back pocket, then exits the bathroom. After walking around and finding a path through the mass of people, Perrie spots Leigh-Anne sitting at the bar. She takes the seat next to her, hoping that Leigh-Anne did not see anything of what just went on between Jade and her.
"Why did Jade leave already?" Leigh-Anne asks, breaking Perrie’s hope. Perrie lays her elbows on the bar, not minding the liquids on it nor how dirty it is, and buries her head in her hands. She feels like she keeps on hurting Jade over and over again with her lack of investment in this thing they have. She is desperate for change. This painful situation must be stopped soon, before any unfixable damage will be done. "She said she needed to go, and then I asked her why and she just shook her head. Are you two okay?"
"No," Perrie honestly replies. There is no point in lying, Leigh-Anne would see right through that.
"We should get out of here, go somewhere private where we can talk," Leigh-Anne suggests, placing her hand on Perrie’s back. "Okay?"
"Yeah," Perrie says after a short pause. She lifts her head, grabs her purse and stands up. She feels like a mess and is sure she also looks like one. Leigh-Anne does stands up as well, and as they are facing each other, she speaks.
"Babe, you can't go out like this," Leigh-Anne says. "There are paps outside, and if they're going to film you like that we'll be handling lots of dramatic headlines tomorrow. So let me just..." She uses her hands to tidy Perrie’s hair, then makes sure her makeup looks fine. "Now put a smile on your face and we're good to go." Perrie does as she is told and fakes a smile. Leigh-Anne nods in approval, and they head out of the club.
Even with the help of security, navigating through the camera flashes is far from easy. The two women finally get to their cab, but since cameras are pinned to the car windows, it is only once the vehicle begins moving when Perrie drops her smile.
"Address please," The driver says, and Leigh-Anne turns to Perrie.
"Where do you even live now?" She asks, confusion visible on her face. She does not remember being told anything about Perrie moving somewhere after she had to leave the house she shared with her ex-fiancé.
"In a hotel," Perrie replies, feeling even worse. This is just another reminder of how far her life now is from the life she had only two months ago. She used to live in a five bedroom villa in the outskirts of London, and now she has a bed, a small bathroom and a mini refrigerator. Months ago, she probably thought she would be married by now. Yet reality is that she is currently in a relationship that she is not even sure will last until tomorrow. Just how fast the night changes.
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Leigh-Anne quickly tells the driver her own adress, and then carries on the conversation.
"Do you have a suite? Or a two bedroom thing? Standard hotel rooms are tiny, so actually living in one sounds awful," she says. Perrie softly shakes her head as she replies.
"I've got a regular one, because right now it looks like I'm not getting my own plce anytime soon so I'm trying to save money. Hotel rooms in London are bloody expensive," Perrie explains. "And yeah, it's really inconvenient, but it's only temporary."
"You and I could go apartment hunting in October, I think we've got a few days off," Leigh-Anne offers, trying to ease the situation.
"No, it's okay," Perrie replies with a thankful smile. "I don't think there's any point in moving somewhere until tour is over. I mean, it's going to take forever finding a place and then signing the contract and moving all of my stuff from my mom's house. Then we're going to go on tour and I won't be home for six months. So finding a new house now isn't really the best option. But I've had this idea that I'm not sure about-"
"What is it?" Leigh-Anne asks, clearly curious and interested in what Perrie has to say. Leigh-Anne feels like she is talking to a new, improved version of her bandmate. When Perrie was with Zayn, everything was so serious she never had the chance to take risks or make stupid mistakes like any other twenty two year old. Ever since the break up, Perrie is learning to find herself as an independent person. Leigh-Anne finds it beautiful to watch, and makes sure to encourage Perrie to try out new things she had never done before, even if they are a bit risky.
"The house I used to live in with what's-his-face has been on sale for like, two months now, and there aren't any serious buyers yet. The agent said that because this house is expensive it's probably going to take at least a few months before anybody puts in an offer. So as far as I know, the dickhead moved out and the house is empty now. I think I might move there. I mean, it's my house - I paid for half of it, and it's a waste no one's living in there."
"Yeah, you're right," Leigh-Anne replies, a bit hesitant. She was ready to completely support any idea Perrie has, but this particular one seems a bit too risky. "But won't it be hard, moving back in there? You probably have lots of memories from this house. Remember when you told me about that day you went back to there with your mum? It sounded like a terrible day, it didn't seem like you wanted to spend one more minute in there. Not just because he walked in, it was hard enough anyway. I'll support whatever you're going to do, but I just want to make sure you can handle moving back in there." As they arrive to Leigh-Anne's house, Perrie pays for the ride and the two women exit the vehicle. While taking the lift, Perrie calms Leigh-Anne's worries.
"It's not ideal, but it could work. When I first went back there, things were different from how they are now," she says. "It was right after the break up, but now... Now I've got Jade. When I'll walk in there, I won't think about any past relationship. I'm over him, I really am. I mean, it still hurts, but I'm getting there. I've got Jade, it's not the same now. I'm not stuck in the past anymore," Perrie's own thoughts and words surprise her. It suddenly hits her how much Jade has done for her, and how important Jade is to her. She cannot give up on their relationship just yet, not because of one bad night. She needs to fix things as soon as possible. Jade is too dear to let go of.
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"Speaking of Jade," Leigh-Anne says as she slides the key of her apartment into the lock. "Can you please tell me what happened tonight? Why you two were so upset? I've waited the whole ride here to hear about that and I don't think I can keep waiting." She laughs at the end of her words as her dog, Harvey, runs to welcome her.
"Well, I... fucked up, I said some things I shouldn't have, and Jade got hurt," Perrie says. "But, Leigh, I'm not sure if I can like, talk to you about this." She slowly continues, looking down. She hates the idea of keeping something from one of her closest friends, but knows that this is probably the right thing to do. Jade and her already had a disagreement about how Perrie shares too much about their relationship with others, and Perrie has no intention of getting into this again. "It's just that Jade and I are in this weird place and I don't know how much she wants me to say," she explains, trying to be as less hurtful as possible.
"It's okay, I understand," Leigh-Anne replies with an assuring smile.
"I'm sorry it's like that," Perrie apologizes, then sighs. Jade's worries are slowly coming true. It has been no longer than a few days, yet this relationship is already messing up the dynamics in the group.
×××
"How are you feeling, pet?" Debbie's voice is heard through the phone. Perrie walks towards the small kitchen in her hotel room with her phone in her hand, wishing to eat a small breakfast before heading out to her meeting today.
"I'm fine," she replies to her mother, and fails to hide the exhaustion in her voice. It has been a long night, and it looks like today is going to be even harder. She texted Jade sometime in the early hours of the morning, and she has not replied yet. Perrie knows she is overthinking this, but cannot stop wondering if Jade ignored her text on purpose. She is also anxious about having to spend the next few hours with Jade alongside many important people after what happened last night. They cannot screw up this business meeting because of personal problems they are having with each other. "How about you?" Perrie asks as she cracks two eggs into the pan on the stove.
"Darling, what's wrong?" Debbie worriedly asks, ignoring Perrie’s question, after she had obviously noticed her daughter's sad tone. Perrie wants to tell her mother everything, and ask for advice since she feels sincerely lost, but wonders how much she can share. They agreed to keep this relationship a secret outside of the group, to not let anyone know about it, but her own mother is an exception, right? So are her father, and siblings, and closest friends. Perrie believes so, but is not sure what is Jade's opinion on this matter. The last thing she would want right now is to give Jade another reason to be mad at her, so she decides to not reveal everything that has been going on. She feels like a lump blocks her throat, made of all the words she does not let out.
"Nothing, really," Perrie replies and uses a fork check whether her eggs are cooked. The guilt she is feeling after lying to her mother makes everything even worse. "Can we talk about something else? I really don't want to get into it right now," she says before Debbie has the chance to ask further.
"I'm worried about you," Debbie continues. When she does not receive a reply, she decides to drop the subject. "I rang you because I'm going to London today to meet up with a few friends. I know you probably miss the dogs so I can bring them with me and you could take them for the-"
"Yes! Please bring them! I've missed them so much," Perrie enthusiastically replies, her mood instantly lifted. Ever since moving out of her old house, her pets are living at her mother's house in South Shields. Although the hotel Perrie is staying at allows pets, the room is too small for all of them. As a result of that, Perrie was only capable of keeping Hatchi with her in London.
"I knew you'd be happy about it," Debbie says. Perrie smiles as she turns the stove off and moves her eggs to a plate. Looking at the time, she realizes that she needs to head out now in order to get there on time, so she eats the eggs as they are.
"I really need to go, mum. I've got a meeting in like, fifteen minutes. But I'll talk to you later," she says into the phone.
"Alright. "I'll text you when I'll get to London," Debbie replies. "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"
"Yeah," Perrie simply says, not wanting to bring up Jade again.
"Love you, pet. Good luck with your meeting," Debbie wishes, making a small smile appear on her daughter's face. If she only would have known how much luck Perrie truly needs in order to get through today.
"Love you too," Perrie replies and hangs up the call. She quickly finishes her meal, cleans up and unlocks the front door. Next to the door is a small, yellow bag of M&Ms Perrie had bought abroad a few months ago and planned to gift to her mother. She decides that her mother does not like sweets that much anyway, and takes the bag with her in order to give to Jade. Jade definitely deserves some sweetness after what Perrie has put her through. After heading out the door and into a cab, Perrie wishes that the drive to the Capital FM studios would last longer, so she could make a plan regarding of what to say when she sees Jade.
Perrie passes the lobby, asks for information about where the offices are located, and goes there. She hears Leigh-Anne's voice down the hall, and knows she made it to the right place. She keeps walking, and then sees everyone - Leigh-Anne, Jesy, Sam, a few more people from Little Mix's management team and a few from the label, alongside four men Perrie does not know, probably radio stations managers. Even though she is surrounded by many people, Perrie does not look at any of them. Her eyes are locked on a certain brunette, who is wearing a cold expression as her brown eyes are on Perrie. Perrie sends her a small smile, and Jade looks away.
Through the pain of what just happened, Perrie greets everyone. Some with loving embraces, some with friendly kisses on cheeks and some with formal handshakes. She was the last to arrive, so afterwards, they all enter the room where the meeting will be held. Perrie stays in the hall, and so does Jade. Jade is about to step in when Perrie calls her name and she turns to her.
"I... I'm so sorry, babe," Perrie starts, feeling worse with each word that comes out of her mouth, since she can see that Jade is on the verge of breaking down. "I never meant to hurt to you. We need to talk, like, really talk, about everything. I'll try to my best to explain what's going on, I just need you to listen. I hate knowing that you're mad at me. Can we please just agree to be okay with each other for today? Until we'll have the chance to properly talk about everything?"
Jade nods with a shy smile, making the air fill Perrie’s lungs again. Perrie hands Jade the bag of chocolate, and Jade gladly accepts it. They are called inside, and they step into the room feeling like some things are finally falling into place. They sit next to each other for the next hour, sneaking quick glances at each other and giggling when one meets the other's gaze. Perrie knows that this is far from the end of all the challenges that they are going to have to face - this particular one is not over yet - but for once, it feels like they are going in the right direction.
The meeting concludes with a scheduled radio tour in October, the Love Me Like You Radio Tour, in Birmingham, Stoke and Manchester. Perrie takes Jade's hand as they are leaving the building, feeling better than ever. Jesy and Leigh-Anne exit through the glass doors first, and cameras flash. Jade pulls her hand out of Perrie’s, hoping that her girlfriend will not be hurt by this, but knowing that it is the right thing to do. They have been too close lately, and people are definitely noticing.
The girls go into the car, driving to Syco offices ahead of the release of their newest single, Love Me Like You, today. During the drive, Jade leans in and quietly talks to Perrie.
"Meet me at my flat tonight? Nine PM?" She asks. Perrie nods and sends her a reassuring smile. The rest of the day passes quickly, without the heavy weight both women have been carrying ever since yesterday night. The single is doing well on the charts so far. Perrie goes to meet with her mother and is reunited with her pets while Jade cleans up her flat ahead of her girlfriend's arrival. A few minutes after nine, barks are heard from outside as the doorbell rings and Jade goes to open the door.
"Do you want to take a walk?" Perrie asks with a wide smile on her face. Jade laughs as she counts the dogs, and then kisses her girlfriend's lips. She has not done so for the last twenty four hours, and it felt like forever. At first, the stroll is calm as the two are talking about everyday things and avoid the main reason why they met up today. Jade takes photos of Perrie with her beloved dogs, whom she treats as if they were her children. Pretending that nothing is wrong is a quite fun, but not long passes before Jade brings up the text that has been bothering her for long now.
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The Painter: A fantasy psych thriller and epic
*** June 21th Update ***- New chapters are being posted! I haven't figured out a schedule yet, but stay tuned!- Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed, I'm happy to say The Painter is in the top 200 best-rated fictions. - Readers of The Painter have suggested reading through Chapter 6 before making a decision on this book.- The story takes place in the Lootverse, but you don't need a canonical understanding to appreciate the storyFinally, a warning or reader beware: This is not an action novel (despite the coming fight scene) but a slow-burn psychological thriller of sorts. For a time, the Painter's life was simple. He lived in the small town of Kinon (called Kinney by locals) with his wife, Kahriah and his son, Thesdon. The story begins with him alone and unable to travel more than a few hundred miles from his home. For 5 years he tried to chart his prison until one day a letter appears with a mysterious commission that will see him test his condition and his boundary. Set roughly 50 years before the impending end of days (from Loot canon), The Painter is a story about loss, grit, and exploration of a seemingly normal man in a world of magic and monsters. The Painter will follow the man on his adventure to restore his family, uncover his commissioners and discover the nature of his condition. Loot is the decentralized, global, community built fantasy world based on Dom Hoffman's art/tech experiment: Loot. Fun fact: The cover of our book is painted by the artist, who the MC is loosely based on and the same person painting the Banners (digitally) IRL for an art/worldbuilding project.
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