Susheela Ill

October 19, 1999

Dear Parents,

Yesterday came the news that Susheela is ill in Rishikesh with jaundice, and the doctors said that she’d have to stay in the Rishikesh hospital for a few days. Today we get the urgent phone call that she is in a New Delhi (!) hospital and Bangaroo Uncle should go there immediately with plenty of cash! He left for Delhi just a few hours after hearing of it, today only. It’s a two-night, one day trip there, by train.

It seems her case of jaundice & malaria is serious and her urine stopped up. Don’t know her condition now. Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu! No one can escape their karma and we don’t know when it will strike!

By Swami’s Grace I am fine here, eating well and feeling more energetic day by day. Praying that you are well there!

Love,

Divya

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Susheela Dies

October 22, 1999

Dear Parents,

What a shock about Susheela! She went so happily to Rishikesh on the 8th. Vinamra was given sanyasi on the 13th and 14th. (13th October is the Birthday of both Susheela and Jnaneswari). Her new name is Swamini Vinamrananda Saraswati.

Swami Chidananda is in a weak state they say.

Susheela got fever on the 16th, was throwing up, blood reports showed a severe case of jaundice (she also got it two years back) – then her urine stopped up – they took her to New Delhi (8 hours away) hospital on 17th or 18th. On 19th, holy Vijaya Dasami (last day of Dasara), she slipped into a coma and three hours later, died! 42 years old! A lucky one, released form the burdensome physical body in this dreaded and hopeless world.

They took her body to Rishikesh again where it was cremated with due rites on the banks of the Ganges River – with sadhus all around. Now the survivors are involved with the mess of government red tape – it is hard on them when a foreigner dies! Jnaneswari and others have reservations to return here on 5th November.

No sooner had I finished the two discourses, that three more arrived on my doorstep. Check out this one first – guaranteed to make any open-eyed devotee hide their head in the snow – or sand – or cement – or tiles!

As you can see from it, 60 years of teachings and we’re only bringing about our own ruin, due to ego.

Will I stay or will He pull me to a new destination? I'm having a strange sense of restlessness....

As for me staying in other rooms, the building you stayed in (Sivananda’s building) is piping hot and stuffy. Also all VIP guests are put there all year long, coming and going, coming and going (worldly ones who talk & smoke). Plus as that building has compound wall it is a favorite hideout for smoking & snoozing workers.

The computer room is full of ants – it must have been built on a huge anthill, as no matter how much poison is put the ants keep returning. Anyway, I am allergic to the poison.

Jnaneswari has, to be sure, offered me these places and even more - even the double-story “Susheela Mandir,” so clean and ratless. But, three rooms to upkeep and with a Western toilet?! No thanks!

Other cottages are clean and ratless, but with noisy neighbors. What to do? (‘Ratless’ meaning none in the house or roof, but they visit through the cracks!)

When we die, we should have others feel bad and not rejoice – is my humble opinion. Sad to say plenty of people here are feeling relieved to have you-know-who safe and far in heaven; no more fear of being reported for absurd false suspicions! No one was safe from her monkey mind. Good points were there also – she changed the flowers in the vases and gave daily samples of her onion dishes to Jnaneswari. She also gave everyone homemade New Year cards, every year without fail. Maybe Sis does also. Nothing that makes me more uncomfortable then not knowing when a friend will turn to an enemy – then back again!

I hear strange sounds at the moment – either a rat is talking in its sleep or babies are suckling their mother.

Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu!

Love,

Divya