March 27, 2000

Scattered Pieces

"Walking down a winding road

Surprised at what you didn't find

And stopping when you come to notice

Scattered pieces, left behind.

Settle down and take your time

Gather all the pieces in

You know you can't go on until

You're done. You might as well begin.

Touch your heart and know it well

Close your eyes to feel the pain.

What once was here is shattered now,

But all its pieces still remain.

Let them fit themselves together.

If you give them time, they may.

And when you're finished, when you've healed

Get up again, and be on your way."

I'm really scared. I'm scared of getting older, of not being this age anymore. I know in the future, I'll read this and go, "Wow!" [Pretty much, yeah.] I am doing a good job at this age, I think, figuring everything and everyone out. I've never stopped to consider what will happen when I'm done figuring things out. Then what is there to do?

Anyways, what's the point? The people and things I try to figure out usually don't need to be figured out - they'd be just as well left alone. It's kind of like a puzzle. Yes, each individual person is a puzzle. Once I have all the pieces, I can see the clear picture. But who cares, you know? No one does puzzles because they want to see the picture - if that's all they cared about, they'd just buy the picture and not go through all the trouble of putting it together themselves. People like doing puzzles because it takes skill. Most people have enough skill to put together a silly puzzle, but not many people have the skill or the energy to put other people together.

Of course, though, the person is already "together." I just need to reassemble them in my mind. But back to my point - what does that solve? The whole point of buying a puzzle is so you can put it together. What do you do once you've finished? Pat yourself on the back for being so clever and then start another one? You can't do that with people. I'm really scared. I have this sickening feeling, because I'm always getting older.