February 12, 2000

Lately, Stacy and Hunter have been stuck together. Like, if you tried to rip them apart, you wouldn't be able to. It's really annoying, because she acts different around Hunter. It is making me have awful urges that I'm able to keep under control for the most part, but sometimes I slip and say something very cruel. Like during study period yesterday in the cafeteria, I was frustrated with my homework. Stacy giggled and said, "Well, life sucks and then you die." I looked up. "Only for you, Stacy." She stopped giggling. That had been my goal. Everyone else laughed, though, even Hunter, which made her face go completely hard. I thought, good. I hate it when she giggles.

Monday is Valentine's Day, so Ms. Allers was having her classes make valentines in French. Tyler made me one that I am going to keep and cherish forever. It is red, with little hearts in different colors pasted on it. And inside the writing is in orange, so it is very hard to read. Also on the inside, there is glued white paper around the edges with a huge heart cut out of the middle, where the red shows through. There are little hearts drawn in red crayon on the white paper all around the big heart. [Sounds... beautiful?] It says:

Bonjour Emily,

Bonne fete de Saint Valintin!

Tu es si belle.

This is pretty hard to read because of the orange, and because you don't speak French. Je veut a suke ton grande nenes. Hahahaha! I'm writing in orange so nobody can read this and see how gay I am. [Right. Because making a Valentine for a girl makes you gay.] Have a happy Valentine's Day. I'm looking forward to tonight. I LOVE YOU! Je t'aime.

Love,

Tyler

Isn't that just too cute? He's so adorable because he's very shy and doesn't really show affection toward me when other people can see, because he's embarrassed. So when he does do something sweet, like spend all period making me a beautiful Valentine, it is that much better.

Anyways, the dance was at the all-boys Catholic school and it started at 7pm. I arrived with Melanie. When we got in, we didn't know anyone there! But then some of our friends started showing up, so it was fun. There were lots of random guys coming up to me and grinding on me for a second, or grabbing my ass or something. And I'm not saying I didn't provoke it - my pants were kind of tight and the type of dancing my friends and I were doing wasn't exactly prude.

But I was spending all the slow dances with Tyler, and we talk when we dance. He finally agreed to dance with me the way I think is really cute, when you hold each other's hand with one hand and dance cheek-to-cheek. In order for this to be possible, though, I had to stand on my very tip-toes so my cheek could be next to his. That got tiring quickly, so we decided to stick with regular slow dancing. [Oh, middle school slow dancing. Is there anything more awkward?]

I taught him to grind, too, which was fun. But he's very uptight, so it's hard for me to get him to move his hips. I actually had to put my hands on his hips and press down to make him roll them. He eventually got the hang of it, and then we could grind. He's so cute, how he tries so hard to learn just to please me.

By this time, the gym was a sauna. I pulled my hair up in a pony-tail off my neck, but my bangs were still matted to my forehead. I would brush by random people dancing and get their sweat all over me. Someone opened a door in the back of the gym, and my friends and I rushed toward it. The cold February air was a momentary relief from the heat of the gym. But soon, we were told to get back inside.

Tyler and I went downstairs, where there was free food, and got Pepsis. I don't like soda, but it was a bit refreshing. Then someone announced that they were playing the last song upstairs in the gym, so Tyler and I walked back up. I wanted him to kiss me, so instead of resting my head on his shoulder like I normally do, I put my face next to his, tilted downward. This way, if he wanted to kiss me, he could without making much of an effort. We danced this way for a while. Then Tyler said, "Louis says we should make out." I looked over to where Louis was, and he was making obscene gestures and lolling his tongue around. I laughed. Tyler kissed me on the cheek. I turned my head and we began to kiss.

Kissing him is so interesting! He moved his hands down to my butt and I pressed against him to tell him to keep them there. I ran my fingers through his hair, down his back, and up again. Another slow song began, and we kept kissing. I was developing a crick in my neck from turning my face up to kiss him, but I ignored it because I didn't want to stop. This was the first time we had kissed since he got back from England. I opened my eyes for a split second, just to see what he looks like when he kisses me. He looks good. [Phew!] I immediately closed my eyes again so I could become lost in the kiss again.

The song ended, but we continued to kiss until a chaperone said, "All right, guys, it's over." Then we drew apart and I hugged him, opening my eyes. The lights were blinding to me. Then I was crushed into Tyler by Jacob and Louis, who wrapped their arms around us both and yelled, "We love you guys!" Then Tyler and I walked out of the gym together.

Tyler's ride came first, so he hugged me goodbye. Oh, I love him so much. I wonder what he got me for Valentine's Day. [You mean besides the French, orange Valentine?] I haven't bought his gift yet, but I am going to get him this gorilla I saw that sings the song What I Like About You and like, vibrates when it dances. It's ridiculous and I know he'll like it.