January 25, 2000

This happens nearly every day: I write Tyler a note about nothing during Social Studies, and then he writes a note about nothing back when he is in Social Studies. [Social Studies must have been quite an engaging class.] But today the notes weren't about nothing. I felt like I opened up to him. Not completely, of course, but just enough to let him know that something's there so he can decide whether he wants to know more.

In my note, I told him I do not understand him, which is true. I was just about to write, "which is untrue," but then I realized that it is true. For some reason, I was under the impression that I had him figured out. I don't know why. I guess I need more practice in understanding everything. Because I know I have the ability to understand things in me, I just need to learn how to use it more effectively.

I was talking to James in Social Studies today and he told me, "Tyler bet me that you two would still be going out by like... the summer. He also wanted me to switch lockers with him so his could be closer to yours." That is so cute!

Tyler called tonight at 5:50pm. We talked until 6:30, when I had to go eat dinner, and there were no awkward silences! Believe it or not, that was the first time we've ever held a real conversation on the phone. Before he went to England, we would only talk if we had James on 3-way. I guess we felt more comfortable that way. As soon as he got back from England, I was grounded from the phone, so we couldn't talk then. So we really talked tonight, not about anything deep, really, but he was being very talkative.

We talked about Stacy and Hunter and how annoying they are when they're around each other, and also about our crazy cousins, and also about our classes and why they're cool or not - fluffy stuff, but it was cool how we floated from topic to topic without any random spaces where we just said, "So, anyways..." I don't think I said that once in our entire conversation. Oh yeah, we also talked about how he never takes the Lord's name in vain. [Oh, my god.]

Poor James - he got dumped by Laura yesterday, and then after CCD last night, he got beat up by two freshmen. [CCD stands for Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, and it's been the Catholic version of Sunday school since 1562.] I think he self-esteem is extremely low, so I want to be there for him. I just had a horrible premonition of him committing suicide! I want to call him to make sure he's all right, but it's too late. I'll see him tomorrow.