January 19, 2000

My life is going better than usual right now! You know what works really well for me? Being in a good mood. Yesterday I was walking down the hall, and I said hi to everyone I passed. Even if they didn't smile or say hi back, some people did, which put me in an even better mood. People don't like people who sulk around, so even if I'm in a bad mood, I'm going to try my hardest to pretend I'm in a good one.

Tyler has started coming upstairs to my locker after school and walking outside with me and my friends. But my friends usually walk ahead, so I get to talk to Tyler alone. Today, I went to the cafeteria for study period, which is where he usually has study period. But as I was walking there, he was walking toward me, as if he were leaving. "What are you doing for study period?" he asked, looking confused, because I was walking in the opposite direction from my usual study period classroom. I said, "Oh, I'm getting a pass to go to the cafeteria." "Oh... I have to go to Mr. Alton's room to take a test." He sounded disappointed. When I made a face, he added, "But I'll take it very quickly so I can get back here and hang out with you!" and he smiled. I smiled back and said, "Okay, you'd better!"

About halfway through study period, Tyler walked into the cafeteria. He came over to my table, where I was sitting with some of my friends, and said, "That test was hard." [Good thing he rushed through it to get back to the cafeteria.] I laughed, because I'd taken the same one earlier in the day. "I know!" He sat down across from me and we had a conversation. Now that he got his braces off, I love it when he smiles!

The high schoolers got out of school early today because of testing, and some of them came to the middle school. After fourth period, I was at my locker and I saw Chris Walker. There were a few other people in the hallway, but it was weird because I could like... sense him getting closer to me. I slammed my locker without getting the books I needed and just went into the nearest classroom. Luckily, he didn't come looking for me and I didn't see him again.

James and Jacob both hate Stacy, who's going out with Hunter officially now. They made a webpage about how stupid and slutty she is. I think it's pretty funny, but she doesn't. [Big surprise there.] I know I wouldn't like it if I were her. She's been very PMSy lately and it's annoying, but I try to give her advice. I like her now, for the most part. But she's still annoying when she's around Hunter, and he's annoying when he's around her. Isn't love supposed to bring out the best in people when they're with each other? Hunter says he's going to start something with James if the webpage doesn't come down, but James could easily take him. Plus, all of James's friends would jump in to help him, but none of Hunter's would, because they hate Stacy anyway. They don't think she's popular enough to be dating Hunter. [It blows my mind how James and Jacob, both of whom I remember as kind-hearted boys, would cyber-bully Stacy in this awful way.]

Meanwhile, I have been thinking a lot about Matt. He is a mystery to me. Well, he probably wouldn't be a mystery anymore if I had a few conversations with him and tapped into his brain, although that might be more difficult to do with him than with other people. The thing about Matt is, I have always hated him because he's just so mean to everyone. But lately, I think I've been seeing through that.

I've been concentrating on reading people. That requires interpreting everything they do and say to figure out how they work. [It's a scientific system, don't question it.] Since I've been observing Matt, I've realized that when he says something mean, all I need to do is smile at him and then he'll smile, too, and say, "Peace." And sometimes, when he is about to say something nice, he'll catch himself and not say it. One time in Spanish class, we were talking about how we used to hate each other. He said, "Yeah, I used to always make fun of you and stuff, but you'd just be like, 'Oh, I'm sorry you feel that way,' and smile at me, so eventually I stopped. Plus, now I realize that you're actually pretty... not as annoying as I thought." He caught himself before he could say I was pretty cool.