[TRIGGER WARNING]

January 12, 2000

I AM STILL GROUNDED! And my mom said I will not be un-grounded for another week! But that is right before the dance, thank god. Anyway, Tyler wrote me a note today and I was so happy. I just read it for the third time and I am so dorky - I actually squealed with delight. Then I walked around my room with my hands on my head because I hate being infatuated like this. Well, I love the feeling, but I hate it because I can't think straight and so I no longer have the power in the relationship.

If I see Tyler coming down the hall to my locker, it takes skill not to scream and clap my hands like a moron. Oh, and he brought me back my Christmas gift from England. He got me a candy bar that was not made in the US, these funky clay animal figure things - I accidentally broke off the elephant's trunk, but I glued it back on! - and perfume. I love the way the perfume smells and I spray it constantly. [Constantly. Like those guys in the perfume section of department stores.]

Oh, last night my mom was yelling at me because I went over Laura's house after school. It was the first time I'd gone over Laura's house - we're becoming closer friends. But I was grounded and wasn't supposed to. I started crying and went up to my room, where I changed into my pajamas. I found the nail clippers and cut another gash in my wrist. It hurt like hell. It's the first time I've done it in a while. Then I went to sleep at 5:30pm.