November 15, 1999

I haven’t written in a long time. I just haven’t been in the mood. I’m not really in the mood now, either, but it’s been like two weeks and I need to get caught up. First of all, Halloween. It was a TON of fun! All the girls met at Stacy’s house and then went out to meet the boys. Actually, we didn’t really have a plan to meet them, they just attacked us with eggs and shaving cream and then stayed with us.

Matt and most of his friends were there, hanging out with guys I’m more comfortable with, like Jacob. Stacy is like, still in love with Jacob, and they made out again. But then Matt somehow became the mediator between the two of them, screwing everything up and making a whole big shenanigan that I don’t know the details of. [Sounds about right for Matt.] All I know is what happened afterward, because Stacy was so upset.

Actually, I’m not sure what started it. What really set me off was that she called me a “manic depressive bitch.” And then she screamed - so everyone heard - “Don’t be mad at me! It’s not my fault you fucking slit your wrists!” After she said that, I wasn’t aware of any noise or movement from anyone. It was just SPACE. I felt like everyone was looking at me, like they weren’t sure I was really Emily.

I could feel tears in my eyes but I didn’t want to cry, because silly girls always cry for attention and I didn’t want people to think I was like that. I managed to control myself and just saw through my teeth, “I didn’t want anyone to know that, Stacy.” I knew if I stood there looking at her stupid face for one more millisecond I would strangle her, so I turned and walked away.

Nobody mentioned or asked whether what Stacy said was true. Erin came over and gave me a long hug and told me she loved me, and I appreciated that. But then Zach was there in front of me. He looked at me like it was weird for him that I should be crying, and then he said, “This has got to stop. You and Stacy both have to just admit that you are partly wrong. And do it fast, because this is damn near ruining my Halloween.” [Who talks like that? … Who talks like that in eighth grade?]

I said, “Well, I don’t want to ruin your Halloween, Zach.” I was annoyed at him for assuming he knew what was going on, when he doesn’t even go to our school anymore and doesn’t know Stacy as a person. I don’t think he even knows me anymore.

Stacy had a birthday party two days ago, on Saturday, and I couldn’t go because I was grounded! That made me angry because even though I can’t stand Stacy - she thinks we made up from our fight, though - lots of people I like were there. But everyone who went said it was the most retarded party ever. All they did was sit on the couch and be bored.

And Matt and Stacy hooked up. Matt thinks she has really nice legs or something. They went out for about two hours, but then he dumped her because he realized what a retard she is. And now she has Emma, Lisa, Catherine, and Steph all ready to kick her ass. Unlike Stacy, I can predict the obvious future. She will obsess over Matt, he will decide to hate her, and then she will get her ass kicked. LOL. Oh, I’m being mean. I just really can’t stand that girl.