August 12, 1999

Last night, James called at about 8pm. I thought it would be sort of awkward, since I haven't been talking too much with him, but it turned out we still have everything in common. He is a great listener and very open-minded. He's one of the only guys I can talk to about anything. He is maybe my only friend who is not using me at all. All the other guys I hang out with seem to have the idea that if they're nice to me, I'll put out.

Things with Tyler are definitely weird right now. We both changed our passwords, so we couldn't go online as each other anymore. [Oh, phew.] But a few days ago, we told each other the new ones. [Noo!] It seems that his password for IM is the same as for e-mail. Meaning, I can check his e-mail whenever I want. He is aware of this, so he made me tell him my e-mail password, just to be fair, even though we both agreed not to check the other's e-mail. [Sounds legit.]

Well, being nosy, I went ahead and looked at his old e-mails. There are a lot from the girl from Louis's summer house. Her e-mails say things like, "I'm so glad we're going out" and "Why have we only gone to 1st base?" and a lot of "I love you sooo much!" Hmm. So he is going out with this girl. That would explain why he's been acting so distant lately and not reminding me how much he wants to hook up with me.

Now about Stacy. I love her to death. She's away at camp, and the letters she's sending me imply that she's having a hell of a time: "All the guys here love me! I have a boyfriend and we're always making out!" But instead of being happy for my best friend, I am annoyed. Not jealous, because I know she is probably exaggerating. Plus, I'm not having a bad summer, myself. But I'm annoyed because she's having fun without me. I guess finding out that she doesn't need me makes me insecure.

I'm very worried about Jenna. Ever since her 8th-grade boyfriend dumped her for cheating on him, she hasn't been her usual, crazy self. She's been acting very depressed; it is obvious she hates herself. So she has been hanging out and hooking up with the trashiest group of guys in the ninth grade. These guys always hang out with younger girls (Jenna) with low self-esteem (Jenna) who aren't thinking straight (Jenna). I try to tell her they are trouble, but she doesn't listen.