June 4, 1999

I haven't kissed Zach yet since we've been going back out, and I want to kiss him on the field trip on Thursday. We're going on this field trip as a class, and the trip itself shouldn't be that fun, but the bus ride there and back - three hours each way - should be lots of fun. Zach is on my bus! And we stay with our bus groups the whole day! I really can't wait.

But there is something that makes me upset. I wrote on my Trapper Keeper "Zach + Emily 4 ever." [Because let's be real: it's not love until it's written on a Trapper Keeper.] In Social Studies, right before class began, when not everyone was there yet, I was talking to Hunter.

Hunter and I aren't really friends, but he is very good friends with Zach and is popular. He was standing by my desk and he saw what I had written on my Trapper Keeper. He smiled, picked up a pen, and wrote beneath it, "Or until Zach gets some." I asked him if that was the only reason Zach was going out with me. He shrugged and said, "I dunno."

"Well," I said, "I just won't give him any! And if he doesn't like it, he can dump me." Maybe Hunter told him that. I'm pissed that now my Trapper Keeper says, "Zach + Emily 4 ever - or until Zach gets some."

[Full disclosure: I never actually had a brand-name Trapper Keeper, but that's what I called my knock-off anyway.]

Tonight, I was over Stacy's house, and we called James's house. James was there with Jacob and Daniel. Stacy was on the phone with them and she was overly flirting. Then she said, "She's sitting right next to me. Why? Oh, okay." She handed me the phone. I took it and said, "Hello?"

"Hi," Daniel said. "Do you know you have a perfect body?" I said, "Thank you for pointing that out to me." He said, "So. How does it feel to have such big boobs?" "Daniel..." "Can I touch them?" "No." He sounded worried. "Don't tell Zach I asked that, okay?" "I won't."

Then he said, "Emily?" "Yes, Daniel?" "May I put my tongue on your stomach?" That seemed like a weird thing to ask. [At least he asked politely.] "What? Why would you want to do that?" "I don't know. But may I?" "No." How bizarre.

I am getting the bad feeling that I am just a phase. I was on the phone with Zach and he was like, "All the guys want you so bad." I noted that he used the word want. I also remembered how some 8th-grade girls had sudden popularity with guys and then, not too long after, an even more sudden popularity crash.