March 29, 1999

I HATE MY DAD SO MUCH! HE IS SUCH A FUCKHEAD! For some reason, he is against letting me go on AOL. When I am over Stacy's house, we always go on AOL and I accidentally let it slip out in front of him, and we got in this HUGE FIGHT. He was like, "YOU CAN'T GO OVER STACY'S HOUSE ANYMORE BECAUSE I CAN'T TRUST YOU!" And then I yelled, "DAD, GO TO HELL!" and I ran into my bedroom and locked the door. [Once my father said to me, "I hope your children are exactly like you." I took it as a compliment at the time, but now I'm starting to think it was a curse.]

I also hate Ms. Metcalf. She doesn't understand that I am a strong person and that I should be allowed to express my opinions. Teachers should be encouraging me to find my good qualities (one of them is standing up for what I believe in) and then they should help me go with it. Ms. Metcalf suppresses my good qualities by making it obvious that I am not allowed to have an opinion. Instead, she laughs when Matt calls me a slut in class.

She always sends me to the office and lets Mr. Jones deal with me. [Mr. Jones was the soft-spoken, kind-hearted vice principal of the middle school.] But I like Mr. Jones - he is nice. When we are alone, talking in his office, it almost seems like he understands how frustrated I am.

It is so hard for me to express what I'm thinking in words right now. I guess I just have these thoughts going through my head, but they are not thoughts, really, they are feelings. It is hard for me to put them into words that other people will understand.