February 7, 1999

I just finished watching The Basketball Diaries starring Leonard DiCaprio. It's about this 16-year-old boy who lives in a bad section of New York, and he gets hooked on all sorts of drugs and gets kicked off the basketball team and sees his friend murder someone. And all the while, he keeps this diary filled with poetry and his thoughts on everything.

I almost wish I had a screwed up life so I could be cool and record all of my thoughts.

I like being pretty, even though I know I shouldn't. I'm such an awful bitch. Faces mean nothing. But really, faces mean everything. Sometimes I think that beauty is mostly everything. It should not be, but it is.

There is nothing I love more than a demonstration of a cute boy's love for his mother. The relationship between boys and their mothers amazes me. I want to have a son someday and I will name him Carson, after Carson Daly from TRL. [Nope.]

I will name my second son Scott. My daughters will be named Auralee, Vivia, and Evangela. Vivia will go by Vivi and Evangela will go by Angela or Eva or Eve or something.

Love is nothing. Death is nothing! Nothing is anything but nobody cares. Why who would? They are nothing, too. Neither am I. [I was quite the nihilist at twelve years old.]