January 20, 1999

James and Gina are going out! Gina used to be going out with Scott, but he dumped her. I asked him why, and he said, "Because I like you." I guess I knew deep down that he wasn't joking, but I just laughed like I thought he was. [Props to Scott for having the courage to come right out and say it.]

Later, he came up to my locker and plain out said, "Will you go out with me?" I smiled hugely like it was a joke and it was funny, and I walked away. I shouldn't have done that because it just led him to believe that I didn't understand.

Today at lunch, he randomly asked me again. I pulled the same smile routine as before. Then after school today, Louis called me and said, "Would you ever go out with Scott?" I told him I'd have to make sure it was okay with Gina, stalling. He called back about an hour later and told me he'd checked with Gina and she thought it was okay, so would I go out with Scott?!

I'm not sure what drove me to say it, but I painfully murmured, "Yes..." and he said, "Great! I'll call Scott and tell him that you two are going out!" I hung up without saying goodbye, completely disgusted with myself. It wasn't fair to Scott!

I called Stacy and she put Gina on 3-way. I explained to them what had happened, and they expressed their sympathy for me, but told me there was really nothing they could do. [I'm sure Gina was really enjoying hearing about all this, seeing as Scott had just dumped her to ask me out.]

So I called James. He said he'd call Scott and dump him in a nice way for me, and not to worry. He called back a minute later and said, "Okay, I did it, but he really likes you, Emily. He is pretty sad." I knew he would be sad. I should not have said yes. I also know that Scott has liked me for two years.

A little later tonight, James called me again. He said, "Gina is mad at you because she says you treat her like crap." [Well, duh.] The thing about James is that he always seems to be on your side. He's so good to talk to because he knows exactly how I feel and exactly what to say. I don't think I treat Gina like crap, I mean, I don't mean to. I'll have to try to be a lot nicer to her from now on!

Also, Jacob didn't spike his hair today. It's the first time he's worn it regular in like, a year. Everyone made a big deal out of it, but it wasn't that big of a deal. He still looked hot. But I'm not going to like him so much because I really don't think he likes me. I hate liking someone who doesn't like me back. [Maybe Scott would have some advice about how to handle that.]