December 23, 1998

Things are really weird between me and Jacob. I've never really talked to him about what's going on between us, but I've talked to about fifty other people about it.

I'm becoming closer with Emma again. Ever since last year, she's been like, my worst enemy aside from Steph. I was okay with that until I started my whole Be Nice No Matter What thing. She'd say something mean and I'd smile genuinely and say, "I don't feel that way about you." At first, she'd give me a weird look, but after a while she just stopped being mean. And now we sit next to each other in chorus, so we sometimes joke with each other. [For the record, I still pull out the Be Nice No Matter What strategy in certain situations. It doesn't always work, though.]

Also, Hannah is being awfully nice to me. But her sister is a bitch and I'm suspecting it might run in the family. Hannah is really pretty and popular, and she's going out with Matt now, so it's good to be friends with her. She is always telling me nice things Jacob says about me.

Zach is being nice, too. I've been successful in almost entirely erasing any romantic feelings toward him, and now I'm beginning to realize how cool he is. It is fun to get to know someone you already know. Maybe Emma has been putting in a good word for me. But maybe not because if he were to diss me, she would not stand up for me against him.

Matt has power over everyone - it is so annoying! Jacob might not go out with me because he thinks Matt might disapprove. Come on. And that's how it is with everything! I am trying to work my niceness on Matt, and maybe it's lowering his hate level of me a little bit. [I hadn't written about Matt in a while. Uh, oh.]