December 15, 1998.

Okay, so things are really weird. I like Tyler so much, but so does Catherine, and so I can't do anything about it. Lately, I have been trying so hard to be a good friend and I can't blow it now.

I've never really cared that much about being nice to my friends in the past. But now I spend all my time listening to other people's problems and pretending to care about helping them and my head always feels ready to explode. But people like me because I am "such a good friend!" I've been hearing that so often lately, and I love it, but it is so hard.

Now, not to be conceited, but I know that I am a pretty likable person. [As demonstrated by this diary entry.] And I really care about other people's feelings, too! But everyone vents on me, especially Stacy, and then I have all these secrets to keep, and I forget which ones I'm supposed to keep from whom, and I get all messed up and confused.

But I have no one's shoulder to cry on. I know two people I can trust: Melanie and Gina. I thought I could trust James, but... I don't know. Maybe I can, I don't know!! I want a shoulder to cry on, but I have nothing to cry about. But I sort of do, I guess.

I have no life of my own. Fixing other people's lives is my life. Listening to other people's problems, which I all of a sudden seem to have none of, is all I ever do!

First of all, I need a boyfriend. I don't care who, but preferably someone cute. I know from experience that boyfriends and problems are a package deal, so I need one of those. Definitely. If I could only hook Catherine up with someone else, then I could date Jacob. If he wants me.

[Contrary to what this diary entry implies, I promise I'm not a sociopath. Fifteen years later, I actually really enjoy helping other people sort out what's bothering them. I do find it amazing, though, that I was so self-centered that I wanted a boyfriend for the sole purpose of creating my own "problems" to worry about.]