November 15, 1998

On Friday the 13th, there was a dance and it was really fun! I was hanging around in a big group with Melanie, Shauna, Gina, Stacy, and Erin. We were with Louis, Tyler (whom I'm starting to have a crush on), Scott (who still worships the ground I walk on), and some of their friends. [Poor Scott.]

Jenna was like, attached to this 8th-grader she is in deep love with. They were slow dancing on even the fast songs, and he stuck his hands in her back pockets!

On the first slow song, everyone was like, "Emily, Scott really wants to dance with you." I do not like Scott, but I realized it would be his dream come true to dance with me, not to be conceited or anything. [Oh no, not to be conceited at all.]

So I did. And on a fast song, he quickly put his arm around my shoulders but then took it off. I was like, "Scott, putting your arm around someone is not the biggest deal." And to prove it, I put my arms around both him and Tyler, who happened to be standing next to me.

Then everyone started putting their arms around everyone else and we were in this big circle, and then we all started grinding on each other. [Naturally.]

Even Melanie was having fun. A slow song came on, and Melanie and I grabbed Tyler and Scott and were like, "Orgy!" Scott laughed, but Tyler pulled me away and put both of his hands on my waist. I put my arms around his neck, so there was like, a foot of space between us. I said, "What's wrong with orgies?" He said, "I'm not about to put my arm around Scott!" [Amazingly, this was not the first time someone had energetically suggested the idea of an orgy.]

I pulled Tyler right up against me. My leg was in between his legs, kind of, and his leg was in between mine. Our cheeks were right up against each other. I could feel his stomach twitching, and it was annoying me, but I couldn't just say, "Stop twitching your stomach!" Maybe it's what he does when he's nervous or something.

Kaylee came up beside us and said, "I've got the next dance, and then Hannah." Tyler didn't say anything, and she walked away. "Tyler," I said, "You've got a waiting list!" He smiled, "Yeah, Catherine wants me, too."

I looked over at Catherine. Everyone knows she is madly in love with Tyler. I said, "Do you like her?" In a nice way. I wasn't implying that he shouldn't - Catherine is sometimes nice. He said, "Uh, no. No way."

Another slow song came on right after that one ended. It was "All My Life" by K-Ci & JoJo. Kaylee came back over and said, 'Okay, my turn!" Tyler said, "No, I want to keep dancing with Emily." [Uh, oh.] He is really sweet. I think I kind of like him.

But Catherine is in love with him. Alicia told me, "Catherine was crying at the dance because she saw you dancing with Tyler and thought you guys were going out." So I'd feel bad about that. But I really want to go out with somebody! I haven't kissed anyone since Zach in February! That's sad.

Zach and Matt weren't at the dance. In fact, not many of the popular boys were. Matt's whole group of friends, aside from Zach, was suspended for beating up a 6th-grader, so they weren't allowed to go. Zach probably decided to hang out with them instead of going to the dance.

Kaylee was looking for Zach at the dance. He dumped her like, two weeks ago for this cheerleader from the next town over. But Kaylee still wants him badly.

Zach still flirts with me in a major way when Matt is not around. But I don't really like him anymore anyway. He's kind of - okay, really - stupid. Most of the time. But sometimes he's very nice. I don't know about him.

I miss my old, non-complicated life of 1997. I was so shallow and artificial then. I guess I still am. But, you know, it's easier living that way. Life is funner if you don't think.

[I'm not sure if "funner" was an intentional error to demonstrate my whole point about not thinking, but I'm glad to see I was gaining some self-awareness, at least.]