November 3, 1998

I miss Nathan. He is too smart and complicated for me, but I still miss him. I realized that on Halloween.

I decided I am starting to really like Jacob. He always knows the right thing to say, and he comes off as calm, cool, and collected but not as snobby. And he's funny. And he doesn't seem to judge me because of the reputation I have for being a slut, and he does not try to grab my boobs or anything. [Does not try to grab my boobs: check.]

But he is so laid-back that he can sometimes seem cold, like Nathan.

Most boys are easy to manipulate with a coy smile or a witty comment, but Nathan is different. He doesn't seem to like it when I flirt with him. [I wonder what I was even trying to "manipulate" boys into doing, anyway.]

Possible boyfriends

1. Tyler

2. Nathan

3. Louis

4. Jacob

Melanie is my really good friend, but she's always so negative. I am always having fun, but she's obviously not, and then I feel bad and can't have fun anymore.

It seems like our whole friendship is me telling her my guy problems and her helping me fix them. So I can see why she's so depressed all the time. I think I really want her to have guys like her. I know I really want her to have fun and be happy.