June 27, 1998

Yesterday, Nathan and Daniel came over again. There was no sign of Alicia, so things went well.

We went rollerblading around the neighborhood, and they're really good but I suck. I told Nathan that and he was like, "Oh, come on. I'll pull you!" I said, "No! You'll let go, and I'll go flying." "No, I won't let go." He held out his hand. I took it tentatively and he started to skate backward, pulling me along. The best part was that I was holding his hand!

When we were in the family room later, he kept touching me and hugging me, and I loved every minute of it. He always likes to put that blanket over his head and it's so cute. [I don't know about "cute." Maybe "unnerving."]

He had the blanket over his head and he came to sit next to me. I was sitting cross-legged and my knee was under the blanket with him. I could feel his finger tracing circles on my knee, and it gave me the shivers.

But then today, I went over his house. Daniel was there. [Isn't Daniel always there?] Everything was going well until Ryan called and asked if we wanted to go to see the movie Can't Hardly Wait with him. Nathan asked if we wanted to go and we said, "Yes!" So Ryan and his mom came to pick us up.

Then his mom said she had to pick up Ryan's older sister and some of her friends at one of their houses. One of the friends was Alicia. She tried her best not to flirt with Nathan, and he didn't flirt with her at all. But it felt kind of weird - I don't know why.

On the way home, I sat with Nathan, Daniel, and Ryan in the back of the minivan. I was getting these urges to like, lean over and kiss Nathan right there, but I didn't know how he'd react.

Maybe we see each other too much, and he's getting sick of me. Today, I went to the movie with him, yesterday and the day before he came over my house, the day before that we went to the club, and the day before that we had a long (3 hours!), deep conversation on the phone.

Now it seems like whenever we're on the phone, there are tons of awkward silences and stuff. Maybe we need our space.

But also, I kind of want him to kiss me now. I REALLY want him to kiss me!! [Well, that escalated quickly.] But now he seems to have forgotten all about it.

Maybe next time he's in a sexy, seductive mood [you know, with the blanket over his head], I'll ask him, "When are you going to kiss me?" But I don't know. Maybe he's falling out of love. But I hope not. Because I certainly still love him.