March 14, 1998

Today my life got worse! I was on the phone on 3-way with Aaron and Jenna, talking about Zach. Jenna said, “Um, Emily… I think there’s something I should tell you.” I said, “Is it about Zach? Is it that he doesn’t like me anymore?”

“Well, not really.” “Is it that he likes Amanda Collins?” She hesitated. “No… he doesn’t like Amanda Collins.” “Then what is it?”

“I don’t think I should tell you… you’d be really sad.” I sighed. “I’m already sad, anyway, so just tell me.”

She said, “Okay. Zach and Steph are going out.”

I didn’t feel the pain of it right away. I was just shocked. Jenna told me, “Steph called me last night and said she and Zach were a couple. I thought she might be lying, so I called Zach to make sure. He said he kind of liked her and might ask her out.” [Already “a couple,” or “kind of liked her and might ask her out…” It’s semantics, really.]

And that’s when it hit me. Actually, it probably didn’t. It probably won’t hit me until I see them kiss or something. But I guess it was then that I realized that I no longer had Zach, and that Steph was a big bitch.

I said, “I’m going to cry.” Aaron said gently, “It’s okay, go right ahead and cry.” He is so great. He told me he would set me up with his cute cousin who is in eighth grade and goes to Catholic school. But who cares.

I remember how Steph was there, being happy for me, when Zach and I first kissed. [In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have hung up on her that one time.] At least I know that Aaron is always there for me. Jenna too, maybe.

I just really can’t believe that Steph and Zach… oh, gosh. I thought I loved him! How stupid was I? Pretty stupid. [I was also pretty unclear on how to employ rhetorical questions.]

I’ve been betrayed by the one person I thought I loved the most. But I’m not really angry, I’m just sad. Extremely sad, and feeling betrayed.

I feel like killing myself, really. That would teach those two a lesson! But they probably wouldn’t even care.