From the moment Neil walked Alice home that evening, he couldn't find himself thinking about anything else but that night. He was so sure of his feelings for her. He really, really liked her.

His friends often asked about Alice, and Neil mostly gave them vague replies. He'd acknowledged his selfishness; he didn't really want anyone to know her the way he does.

"I'm so happy for you," Charlie said, slapping him on the back as he walked past, "Never seen you looking all so loved up."

"Now we know who's gonna fight Knox for the phone every night," Cameron snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, come on, Cameron. Don't be such a deadbeat loner."

Cameron didn't spare Neil from the lectures. He'd warn him about being spotted at her high school or spending time with her outside of school grounds when he'd rather be at a study group. Perhaps it was clear to some that the Dead Poets Society was a big enough risk to play with.

"So," Knox walked across the room, taking a seat on Todd's bed, "What does your father think about Alice, then?"

Neil smiled at the thought. "He doesn't hate her, I guess. He's heard about her family."

"Since you're on good terms, why don't you tell him about the play?" Pitts offered, to which most of the others agreed.

"Maybe Alice's family might have some kind of influence over him."

"Are you guys kidding?" Neil runs his hand through his hair, shaking his head, "I can't talk to my father that way. And even if I did, he wouldn't change his mind. Nothing could change his mind."

"And how sure are you about that?" Todd asked, his hands clasped together.

Neil sits down across Knox, looking at his friends who seemed to have fallen silent. He knew participating in the play was going to be hard on him, but he also knew what he wanted for himself.

"It isn't too late to pull out of the play, you know. You'll get into trouble for it, it's for your own good." Cameron warned to which Neil didn't reply.

From the start, he knew what he was getting himself into. If only he could somehow convince his father to at least see him perform. Maybe he'll change his mind.

* * *

Leaning against the wall, his ear pressed against the phone, Neil's excitement grew after every ring.

Alice had given him her phone number a while ago, but tonight was the first time he'd call her. It wasn't that he never wanted to; he'd see her often enough to save the phone calls for an occasion such as this. He wanted to talk to her after such a long, difficult day.

With the advice from his friends, he had left the school grounds to visit his father at home. He'd thought it was at least respectful of him to try to speak to him properly about the play. Explain to him how he loved to perform and how hard he'd work if he could just let him. As much as Neil wanted to perform in the play, he knew he'd be at his happiest if his father approved of this. But his efforts had gone to waste.

It was like the pain of a gunshot— the life seemed to have left Neil when the words left his father's lips. Neil's father strictly advised him to quit the play now to focus on his studies. It was that or military school.

The thought of the latter terrified him, but a certain someone gave him hope. And that someone always reminded him life was never black or white. It never felt that way with Alice, anyway. The part of Neil that his father hated most, Alice loved with her whole being.

From the moment they met, Alice seemed to have made some kind of impact on him. With her, he felt free. He loved that when he talked about his dream to perform for the rest of his life, she'd support him and tell him how far she knew he'd make it out there. The way she spoke to him and encouraged him with words he'd been dying to hear his entire life.

With Alice, it was like chasing after stars in a field of grass. Like living a dream within a dream.

Dialling her number on the phone once again, Neil raised a brow when the call was left unanswered. Alice told him she never had much to do at home aside from homework, so she'd always be available to pick up the phone. It was eight o'clock in the evening— Neil had been sure to wait until this hour so he could take his time talking to her. No rushing from the others who also wanted to make phone calls in the evening.

Maybe she fell asleep early tonight.

Maybe she's sleeping over at a friend's house.

Maybe she's having dinner out with Chris' family.

He'd come up with a number of excuses, trying to distract himself from the disappointment of not reaching her tonight. But he needed her. Not necessarily to hear her encouraging words after his run-in with his father, but just her. Neil was desperate, but finally gave in after so many attempts.

Hanging the phone back onto the hook, he felt the sudden urge to release the surge of emotions he was feeling that very moment. He thought about the time he and Todd threw around his chairs on the rooftop; the white chairs Todd's family had always sent him. But tonight, he didn't feel like hurling chairs across the rooftops. Tonight, he just felt like crying.

Neil felt the pain in his chest, a sob forcing itself out of his chest. He panicked as tears streamed from his eyes, worried someone would hear. No one has ever seen him like this. Neil took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he wiped away his tears with his sleeve.

"I've survived this before. I can survive this again."