Today is the day Josh is taking me on a date and I'm nervous. Really nervous. Its Friday night, Josh and I have met for coffee twice this week, since he asked me on a date. My stomach is not only cramping from nerves but I'm also on my period so the pain is excruciating right now. I'm sitting in front of the mirror in my bathroom whilst Jess tries to calm my nerves as she applies my make-up.

I told Josh about my anxiety one day when we were having coffee last week, so he decided to make dinner and eat at his house. He said he wants me to feel as comfortable as possible on our date so he thought a calm atmosphere with no crowds would be better. I agree but it's not helping my nerves right now, I honestly just want him to get here already because he calms me every time he is around, with his gentle touches and deep voice saying the soft words to me.

Jess finishes my make-up and I put my pink floral pattern dress on with my white sandals, the outfit is casual but I can still get away with wearing it to dinner. Josh is picking me up on the way back from work and should be here any minute. I fluff my blonde wavy hair and spay some perfume on my neck just as the door knocks. Perfect timing Josh.

I walk to the door bag in hand and greet a smiling Josh. He pulls me into a soft hug where he holds me and rubs my back for a few seconds and compliments me, this is our usual ritual every time we meet up that always leaves my blushing. He makes quick conversation with Jess while I go and grab a cardigan because he said "grab your jacket and we can get going" which really means "were not leaving until you put something warm on". He is very protective of me and I like it. It makes me feel cared for. 

Once I have put on my cream, fluffy cardigan, Josh takes my hand and leads me to his car. The physical contact and just being around Josh makes me feel a little better and less anxious. The car ride was about 20 mins until we pulled into a gated community, the houses were huge and looked beautiful in the setting sun. He pulled into the drive way of a big, grey and modern house. It was stunning. He opens my passenger door and holds out his hand for me to grab so he can help me out. "wow, your house is beautiful" I say in amazement, he chuckles and thanks me.

I'm currently sat the the bar in Josh's kitchen watching as he chops vegetables to go with the salmon that is marinating. When we walked in his house, he got me comfortable with a drink on the couch whilst he ran upstairs to change out of his work clothes-slacks and a white shirt, he came back down in jeans and a polo. I'm honestly glad he changed, he smelt of the hospital and his cologne, now he smells of just Josh and I love it. 

"Are you sure you don't need any help?" I ask again. I feel bad that he has been at work all day and is now making me dinner. He has refused multiple times but I think I can handle cutting up some vegetables.

"No thankyou sweetheart, I got it. But can you grab me a bottle of water out the fridge please?" I think he knows I want do do something to help, I grin and get up from my chair.

Grabbing the large glass bottle of Voss from the shelf in the fridge I turn and make my way through Josh's huge Kitchen to pass it to him. Half way there I catch my foot on a chair leg and fall straight to the floor with the glass water bottle in hand. It smashes instantly and searing pain erupts into my right hand. I scream out in agony and Josh rushes to me.

I'm crying and apologizing profusely while Josh shushes me trying to take my bloody hand. "Shh baby, its okay. Let me see" He gently grabs my wrist, turning my shaking hand palm up so he can see the damage. I can see three chunks of glass sticking out of my small hand and small cuts causing my hand to be a bloody mess. I cry out at the sight and squeeze my eyes shut as tears roll down my cheeks. "Its okay sweetheart, lets get you up away from this glass" 

He picks me up from under my armpits and I rest my bloody palm over his shoulder so I don't get blood on him, wrap my legs around his waist and cling to him like a baby koala. He cups the back of my head, pressing it into his neck while his other arm is under my bottom. "Don't panic angel, I'm gonna make it better" He shushes my cries. He must feel me hyperventilating and is trying to calm me down.

I've ruined our date, he did his best to create a calm environment for me and I ruined it. He is never going to want to see me again. I don't know where he is taking me but we are walking up his stairs through a long corridor. The whole time he whispers comforting words and telling me everything is going to be okay. He walks into what looks like his bedroom, picks up a black bag from the walk in closet and then walks to his ensuite bathroom. He gently unwraps my trembling limbs from his body as he places me on the counter near a sink. I'm too upset to admire his huge, bathroom.

"shh, shh, your okay baby, I've got you" His soothing voice does little to calm me like it usually does as he opens up the black bag that I quickly see is full of medical supplies. My cries get louder and more desperate as I see what's inside. I cant do this. I forgot he's a doctor. Its going to hurt. "Hey, hey, Sophie baby, look at me" he cups my tear stained cheek and I look him in his gorgeous hazel eyes. "Everything is going to be okay, I know it hurts angel and your scarred but I need you to take a big deep breath for me" I do as he says. "Good job, and another" He gets me to take deep breaths with him and his beautiful face and smooth voice calms me enough to be able to think a little straighter. I'm still crying but I've realized Josh isn't panicked so I'm feeling a little better, but my hand is still excruciating.

"Okay baby, what I'm going to do is get those nasty glass pieces out of there and clean up your hand a bit. Is that okay?" I take a deep breath and nod. He sends me a comforting smile and removes his hand that was wiping my tears from my face to wash his hands and put on white latex gloves. I shiver at the sight but remain as calm as I can. He grabs a pair of large tweezers that doctors use and I coil back with a whimper. 

"Shh, I know baby, they look scary but I promise once I've got you fixed up your going to feel so much better. I'm not going to hurt you angle, I'll be really gentle. Please let me help you" I give him a nod and turn my face away from my hand. "Good girl, that's it, just look the other way. Keep taking those deep breaths for me." I breath in and out as I feel his gentle, gloved hands on my painful one. 

I whimper as I feel the first piece of glass removed and he shushes me. "I know baby, Your doing so well." He says as he makes quick work of removing the other two pieces. "That part is all done sweetheart but I want to disinfect it so you don't get an infection." He moves my hand over the sink as he grabs a bottle of anti-bacterial solution. My breathing and heart rate speeds up because I know this part is going to hurt. "Take a deep breath for me baby, I'll get it done as fast as I can."

I inhale a deep breath as the burning liquid is poured over my already painful hand, more tears spill out of my eyes and I scream as I try to pull my hand away but Josh has a grip on my wrist but its gentle so not to hurt me more. "Stop! Please Stop!" I cry out. "I'm sorry baby, Its done, Its done now." He sooths as he finished pouring the last bit of the solution on my hand. Josh puts the bottle down and picks me up again just like before. I cling to him and cry into his neck as he strokes my hair swaying me side to side as if he was soothing a toddler. But it makes me feel better and despite my situation, safe. I'm in a doctors arms, when he wants to do medical things to me and I feel safe. I never thought that would happen.

Bella xx