"Look how cute she is!" Aaliyah coo, placing the 24 hours old sign next to Gemma.

"I can't believe she'll be in this world for twenty four hours! Is your camera ready? We need to capture the exact moment!" I questioned, excited to capture this milestone.

"I still can't believe you named her after Harry Styles sister" Aaliyah said nonchalantly and I rolled my eyes.

"She's named after my mom"

"Yeah and Harry Styles sister"

"Shut up and focus on the clock so we don't miss it!"

"Fine"

We took photos of Gemma, and Lexi helped do my hair so I could take some hospital photos with her, Gabe taking over my bathroom mirror to fix his own.

"I still can't believe this came out of your body" Aaliyah let out a content sigh, softly rubbing Gemma's cheek.

"Right! I was in labor with her for like 30 hours! Pain in my ass she is!" I laughed, feeling my heart beat quicker when her face scrunched up as the sunlight hit it.

"I don't know how you managed that. If I ever have kids I'm opting out for a c-section"

"Colby was a lot of help. Gabe was too I guess.. I don't know. I don't remember too many details other than up till I got my epidural, and then Gabe passing out. Plus um.. I kinda stupidly kissed Colby.. and he's been ignoring me since" I admitted shamefully, watching her eyes widen.

"You kissed him?! Why?! Since when were you ever interested in him?" Aaliyah asked in a state of complete shock.

"I'm not.. I think I was just caught up in the moment you know.. he was there attentively my whole labor and delivery.. you don't just do that with someone you hate.. Can we not talk about my labor please, I don't want to start crying"

"You brought it up!" She laughed, bringing her camera up to her face to photograph my baby.

"I know.. I don't know. I'm struggling. Full transparency.. I know I've been laughing with you guys a lot.. but this is.. this is something else. I'm scared that I just went through something so personal.. and now things are ruined"

"What do you mean?" She asked, glancing over her shoulder at me, shushing Gemma as she started to whimper.

"I'm afraid that I went through such a personal experience with someone I barely know.. and now things are ruined. Like.. like.. he saw my baby be born.. and hasn't held a conversation with me since" I admitted, unsure of my feelings towards the situation.

"Leigh, don't worry about him. You just had a baby. The drama and the boys and worrying about anything that isn't your and your baby's well being isn't important. If you made a mistake, tell him. If you're worried, tell him, but don't let it consume you too much. Now, I'm going to need you to pick up this sweet angel and kiss her sweet face so I can take a cute photo"

After our mini photoshoot, a nurse came in and asked if we were ready to do the newborn bath.

Gabe and I watched her get the water lukewarm and carefully hand scoop some water over Gemma's head.

"When her hair comes in, you put some shampoo on the hair and carefully comb through it, then carefully rub their hair with water to rinse it out" She explained and we nodded, taking everything in.

She took a washcloth and carefully gave her a sponge bath.

After the bath Sam and Colby came in to hang out with us as my Cynthia and Lexi left to go pick up food.

"She really is gorgeous Leigh. She honestly doesn't have the ugly newborn phase" Sam noted, inspecting my baby which made me laugh a little.

"She could be a model for baby gap!" Kat squealed and I quickly shook my head.

"My baby is not being plastered all over social media" I informed, wincing as I sat down.

"But she's got the face for it! A star from day one!" Aaliyah announced, the others joining in.

Once things settled down a bit, and Gemma was laying against my chest, I told them her name, and watched the excitement build up in the room.

"That's your mom's name right?" Colby asked and I nodded, smiling at my sweet girl.

"What's her full name?" Kat asked and I grinned over at her, knowing she's going to be very excited when she finds out.

"Gemma Lorraine" I replied, Katrina's eyes lighting up.

"WE SHARE A MIDDLE NAME?!" She yelled, which caused Gemma to cry.

I worked on calming her down and they asked for the okay to post the announcement of my baby on social media and I informed them that they could, I just asked that they keep her name and face private, and that's when her first nickname was born.

*

*

A/N: pretend it's kat. I'm too lazy to actually edit a photo for a fake IG story lol

"You know in school, I was always called Sammy G, so we already have things in common" Sam grinned, seeming proud as he now held Gemma in his arms.

"Nope she's another girl in our group! She's closer to me! I can teach her all the girly stuff! Plus we share a middle name!" Kat playfully argued.

"She's my godchild. I trump all" Aaliyah grinned, seeming happy that she had the upper hand over the other three.

"I'm her mother, I win" I grinned, feeling giddy at this announcement.

I'm her mother

Another 15 minutes passed and Aaliyah ended up having to leave, leaving me with the YouTubers.

"I can't believe she's been off oxygen for three hours! She's growing up so fast!" I frowned, carefully waddling over towards the bathroom.

When I came back out, Colby was taking some photos with Gemma, and Lexi and Cynthia were passing around food.

"Do you know when you're getting released?" Sam asked, Lexi handing me my chicken.

"Once I go to the bathroom, I should get my discharge papers. She also has to pass a breathing test and the car seat test. Gabriel went to go as the nurse when he needed to bring it up" I took a bite of my chicken, smiling at my baby girl resting in my friend's arms.

"Leigh was given stool softener" Kat slightly snickered and I glared, huffing in annoyance.

No need to announce it to the world, Katrina.

"You know, once you have a baby, you can pick fun. But until then, shut it"

"Grouchy momma bear has arrived!" Kat teased and I rolled my eyes, eating my chicken.

It was maybe 10 minutes before a nurse came in to take Gemma away for a breathing test and Gabriel came back with his best friend Chase.

There was some small talk about how I've been doing and how Gemma has been doing as he handed me a Target bag.

"I'm ready to be out of the hospital. I know Gem has only been alive for twenty four hours.. but I've been here for days. I'm done" I griped, pulling out some of the baby clothes Gabe bought. "This is cute" I smiled at the light pink onesie.

I went through some of the new outfits, aweing over how adorable they looked when Gabe spoke up, catching me off guard.

"We still need to figure out whose last name she's getting" he said and I sighed, closing my eyes as I leaned back against the hospital bed.

Here we go

"Tell me why she should have yours"

"I'm her father" He said point blank and I snickered a little, "And? I'm her mother. Why shouldn't she have mine?" I fought back, opening my eyes.

"Because babies get their fathers names" Was his response and I swear the whole room rolled their eyes.

"How sexist"

"Leigh"

"What? That's what it is, isn't it. Wanting to carry your legacy. Have someone to carry out your name. What about my name? Why should I lose my name? Why should Gemma have Bennett, and not Fox?"

"Because Gemma Bennett sounds better" He said and I stayed quiet, not in the mood to argue about this. "You know, I've let a lot of things slide Leigh, the least you could do is let our daughter have my last name" He continued and my jaw dropped.

"Excuse me? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"My girlfriend was a fucking drug addict. It was long days and nights of worrying, and wanting change. I watched you destroy yourself-" He stared and I quickly stopped him, fully aware of who was in this room right now.

"Can everyone leave please" I asked and they nodded, Colby slightly hesitant, but Kat tugged him out of the door.

"You had no fucking right to say that in front of them!" I hissed, glaring at him.

"To what? Say the truth?" He said in a strong tone.

"What truth?! You act like you're the fucking victim! We both fucked up! You know damn well why we broke up, so stop acting like my bad choices are what ruined us! If you didn't abandon me, we wouldn't be in this room, arguing over our baby's name! I wouldn't have to live with Sam and Colby and go through hell! You're not the fucking victim! If anyone's a victim, it's our daughter! Let it go! I was fucked up and struggling, we get it! But you're no saint either! When I went to jail, who came to my rescue huh?! Who saw me?! Who helped me?!" I asked, my voice getting louder.

"Leigh you know why-"

"Yeah I do, and I will never forget it. Gemma's having my last name. You abandoned me, and you're abandoning her. Names are supposed to mean something. They're supposed to hold value, and I'm not letting your shitty excuses be her legacy"

"Leighton, that's not fair" He started and I quickly shook my head.

"No! You know what's not fair?! You leaving me to go move to New York! That's not fair! We have a newborn, and you're putting yourself before her! You're leaving her! When she asks baby stories about her, and she finds out that her daddy left to go to college instead of spending time with her, how do you think that will make her feel?! YOU'RE ABANDONING HER! IT'S WHAT YOU DO! YOU ABANDON PEOPLE!"

"Says the girl who wanted to give her up!"

"THAT'S DIFFERENT AND YOU KNOW IT!" I shouted, starting to get defensive.

"How?! How is that any different than what I'm doing?!"

"Because I wanted to do it for her own good! I want her to have a better life than I can give her!"

"And I don't?! I need a job Leighton!-" He started to defend himself, but by this point I was too far gone to stop.

"YOU HAD A JOB HERE!"

"-A job I love! I want this Leigh! You're not going to make me feel bad about this! If I go to a good school and get a good job, she can get a good life! She's getting my name Leighton!"

"No! I refuse to give her the last name to someone who doesn't care! She deserves to know she's loved and wanted, and when she's older and looks around the room, all the faces she'll see are what?! Bennett's?! Your family doesn't care Gabe! You barely care! Did you even want this baby? Did you just say all this bullshit and make a nursery to what, humor me? To play me? Ha Ha good one! You got me so good!" I fake laughed, sarcasm dripping from every word as I vented. "Honestly, why the fuck did you make a nursery if you were planning to move to New York?! How are you supposed to give her a good life, if you're not here?! Do you think child support would cut it? It'll just magically make you her favorite person?! News flash, child support will not cover the years of therapy she will need if we keep going like this! If you're feeling bad or guilty or shameful, that's because there is something to feel bad or guilty or shameful about! Don't abandon your one day old to go across the fucking country for however many years! There are schools here! Jobs here! YOU CHOSE THIS! YOU DID THIS!" I shouted, my emotions getting the best of me yet again.

"Leigh-"

"And what the fuck do you mean that I can't make you feel bad for leaving?! I'm being honest! I'm telling you that your choices are going to affect us! I'm not following you to a huge city with a newborn all because you chose now as the perfect fucking time to go to college!" I ranted, not letting him get a word in edgewise.

"We talked about this Leigh! We talked about how it will be easier for her as a baby, then if she was a toddler or in school. I'm tired of going in circles with you! It's always the same conversation over and over again!" He expressed his frustration which only made my blood boil.

He was frustrated?

HE WAS FRUSTRATED?!?!

"Yeah. It won't affect her at all to have a single parent struggling because the other half ran away. Yeah, she won't be affected at all" I replied sarcastically. "Also, have you even for a minute considered that we're going in circles because we haven't solved anything? It's the same conversation over and over again, because we have the same frustrations and concerns each time!"

"How are we going to get through this Leigh? I don't want to be fighting all the time. We both want the best for her.. what do you want me to do? I don't want to resent you because I stayed. I want this so bad Leighton. I'm sorry that these plans are causing more chaos and stress... but think big picture-" He started and I felt the tears fall down my face, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

"I can't think big picture Gabe. I can't. I try and I can't. I get stressed out and scared and you're one to be like "We'll get through this"! You're not the one going to be stuck across the country with a newborn! You're going to party and fuck around and get to be a young adult whilst I'm at home raising our child! Stop talking to me about what is fair or not, and how I should feel and to look at the fucking big picture! If we switched places, and I was going to college and you were stuck across the country with a newborn, you can not tell me that you'd be all cool and ready to go! I'm allowed to be mad! I'm allowed to be scared! I'm allowed to be afraid! I'm allowed to ask questions and try and figure this out!"

"I never said you couldn't.. I just.. we need to figure out what we are putting on her birth certificate Leigh"

I was quiet for a moment before looking over at him.

"Can I say something fucked up?" I asked and he gave me a look before slowly nodding. "Bennett sounds a lot like Bobet, and I don't know how I feel about my daughter's name sounding similar to a girl who bit off some guy's dick" I admitted and it was quiet for a moment and I felt my heart race, but all of a sudden he started laughing.

"Fine, she can have Fox" He laughed and I smiled softly, watching him basically lose his mind in front of me.

~

"I can't believe I'm about to change my first diaper" I sighed, reaching for the supplies as my infant wailed.

"It's not hard" Mom reassured me, handing me the wipes.

"It sucks to see the little tubes on her nose" I spoke softly, undoing the tabs of the very small diaper.

"I know, but she's breathing and that's all that matters" She reassured me. "Don't forget to put the new diaper under in case she starts going to the bathroom again" She reminded me and I nodded, placing the brand new diaper under my newborn's butt.

"Thank god it's just a pee diaper" I let out a breathy laugh, grimacing when I felt the blood pour out onto the pad I was wearing. "No one talks about how bad bleeding sucks" I grumbled, pulling out a wipe. "Front to back right?" I asked and she nodded.

I finished changing the diaper and my mom tossed it into the waste bucket as I tried to soothe my baby.

"Do you know when you're getting out of here?" She asked.

"Um, I think I'm getting discharged tomorrow. I don't know if Gemma is though. Depends if she's stable. I don't know if she has to be stable for twenty four hours or what since she's still on oxygen"

That night I spent trying to breastfeed Gemma again, but she still wasn't taking to it, and we quickly found out that she was born with a tongue tie, which led to the conversation about clipping it.

I knew it would be easier for her in the long run if we did the procedure whilst she was a baby.. but the thought of having her go through another thing scared me.

We ended up scheduling for it to be done that next morning and I found out I was going to be discharged that afternoon.

That night, a nurse had Gabe and I take an infant CPR video course to learn what to do just in case the unimaginable happened and that next morning I woke up to a nurse checking on me and telling me they were going to bring Gemma in for some skin to skin before her procedure.

It was November 27th now, also known as Sam's 25th birthday and I knew everyone was going to be busy hanging out with him, so I took this time for myself to write in Gemma's journal again and process some of the emotions I was feeling.

I have now been in the hospital for five days and I was itching to get out of this place.

I'm still very sore, but I was finally getting the hang of walking without crying, so I guess that was a perk.

I was also still bleeding heavily, but all I could think about was how my baby was still being monitored in the NICU and she wasn't by my side.

I tried my best to be allowed to go down and hang out with her when Gabriel wasn't, but I was still in recovery so actually being able to go and see my baby was a lot harder than I expected

Hanging out with Gabe has been weird since he dropped the bombshell about going to college.

I never thought my pregnancy, labor, and recovery would go like this.. and if I was being honest.. I was pretty sure this would be my last.

I had no desire to do this again.

It all sucked.

From the moment I found out I was pregnant, to delivering her.. it was hell.