Waking up in the hospital, yet again, was extremely frustrating.

Every time I woke up, it was chaotic. There were people and doctors everywhere, a million sounds filling my head, and more than one voice asking me questions.

Next to me was Gabriel, my dad, two nurses and my OBGYN. Dr. Hughes was holding a clipboard, seeming to be reading some sort of chart whilst Gabriel handed me a glass of water, holding the straw still.

My body was aching as I slowly sipped the water, Gabe's hand holding my own as my dad's hand was on the hospital bed behind my head.

"Okay Leighton, I would like to read my chart to you to make sure we have everything. You've been to a few different doctors during your pregnancy, so I just like to make sure I have everything here" She explained and I nodded.

She read things off such as my passing out in the hospital lobby, dizziness, the abdominal and back pain, high blood pressure, low iron count, my past drug use and making sure I wasn't taking anything now, which did lead to a drug test.

They did a blood draw before sending me off to do the drug test. I peed in the little cup, and they were testing for drugs, protein and something else I couldn't remember. I was too focused on crying over having to take a drug test, then listening to their concerns and what they wanted to test for.

A nurse stood outside my bathroom door whilst I peed in the cup, and when I handed the nurse my cup of urine, my tears fell harder.

Gabe crouched down in front of me, wiping tears off my face. "You need to calm down Leigh. If you know you're clean, this shouldn't be a problem" He told me quietly and I just kept crying.

"That's not the problem! It's the fact that no one thinks I can stay clean!" I cried and Gabe shook his head.

"Leigh, they're just making sure. A lot of people lie about it" He told me and I frowned, "Do you believe me?" I asked and he was quiet for a moment and I just sobbed. "See!"

"That's not it, Leigh. I'm just concerned. It's not that I don't believe you, it's that I know you"

"What is that supposed to mean!" I cried and he shook his head.

"Leighton, you've been struggling lately, and telling no one!"

"I'm doing my best!" I cried and he nodded.

"I know, but you're not supposed to be alone. You know I love you, and I hate seeing you like this. The more you show someone you're not lying, the quicker they will believe you next time. Anytime a professional knows you've done drugs in the past, it raises concern" He told me and I nodded, running my hands through my dirty hair. "Leighton, I'm seeing signs" he spoke softly and my face scrunched up, my heart racing.

"Signs of what?"

"Leighton"

"SIGNS OF WHAT!" I shouted and he backed up.

"You know what I'm saying" He said and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You don't know anything!"

"Leighton, talk to me" He spoke softly and my body shook in distress, my eyes burning from the rapid tears.

"I can't do it anymore!" I cried against him, his arms resting on the middle of my back.

"Can't do what anymore?"

"I can't do it!" I cried, my chest starting to hurt as I took quick breaths. "I miss you so fucking much! I miss you more than I want to admit! I can't do this anymore! I can't be heartbroken, and watch you move on! I'm trying, I really am! And every time I try to do something right, it turns more wrong!" I cried and he just rubbed my back, my tears soaking his shoulder.

"You'll always have me baby" He said softly as I shook against him, shaking my head. "Just because we are no longer romantic, doesn't mean you'll lose me. You're carrying my baby Leighton. My flesh and blood. We are connected together for life, and I need you to trust me the same way I trust you. I trust you that you won't harm our baby on purpose. I trust you that you will do your absolute best to protect our pride and joy. I believe that you won't relapse. If you were going to, it would've been back in May. You are stronger than you realize Leigh. You are worth more than you know, and you can do this" Gabe spoke sternly, staring me dead in the eye.

"I- I- I-" I stuttered, not able to speak through my closed throat.

"Breath Leighton" He pulled away, watching my face.

"I fucked up!" I cried and his face showed concern.

"How?"

"I lost you, I'm losing this baby, I'm losing my family, my friends, my house, myself.. I can't do this! I can't keep hurting people"

"You're not hurting anyone baby" He wiped away my tears and I shook my head. "Talk to me Leighton" He begged and I just threw my hands over my face. "Leighton, how can I help you? Do you need to go back? Do you need to see NA, do you need more therapy? What do you need? I can't help you unless you tell me what you need"

"I don't know!" I cried and he sat down on the floor with me in the bathroom, silence filling the room as I wiped away my tears. "I'm scared" I finally admitted, looking up at him.

"I am too" Is all he said and I looked back down.

"What if I lose this baby? I won't make it Gabriel. I will tell you that right now. I will not make it. I won't. There is no way I will survive if I lose this baby" I confessed and our eyes connected, pain and concern swirling in his saddened blue irises.

"I know, and that scares me"

"What if I miscarry? How am I supposed to wake up the next morning? How am I supposed to be okay? I can't. I know I can't. I-"

"Leigh, let's worry about that once it's an in the moment issue. For all we know, the baby is okay. We need to wait on the urine test, and the blood draw" He said and I nodded, wiping away the stray tears.

"This sucks really fucking bad" I grumbled, wiping at my nose. "I'm just.. I.. ugh! I CAN'T DO THIS! This is too much fucking responsibly! I'm not ready! I'm not even a year into my recovery, or able to support myself! I'm not with someone who's willing to help me. I can't shove you at 3am to change their diaper! I can't have someone babysit whilst the other goes to work! I can't fucking do this!" I cried and Gabe just sat there, letting me cry for a moment.

"Leighton. Who do you live with?" He asked, causing me to look up at him.

"Hm?"

"Who do you live with? Name them"

"Um, Me, Sam, Colby, Jake and I guess Katrina" I spoke in an unsure tone, confused as to why he was asking.

"And whose house do you go to every evening for dinner?"

"My parents"

"Tell me who lives there"

"My mom, my dad, Lexi and Landon"

"And who was the first family member you told you were pregnant?"

"Cynthia and Logan"

"And who was there when you took the pregnancy test?"

"Aaliyah and River"

"And whose house did you just come back from on your birthday?"

"My aunt and uncles"

"Tell me who lives there"

"Aunt Ginger, Uncle Garret, Melissa and Lincoln"

"Do you think Sam, Colby, Jake, Katrina, Aaliyah, River, Aunt Ginger, Uncle Garret, Melissa, Lincoln, Lexi, Landon, Logan, your mom, dad, me, Chase, Penny, my mom and dad and Caden will really let you go through this alone? Do you really think we wouldn't be a phone call away from helping you? Even if you lose your roommates, you still have everyone else. I can see it in your eyes that you're afraid. You're afraid of the outcome you received when you had to get clean. What you aren't paying attention to... a couple days ago, as of a year ago.. you were at your lowest point in life. Here you are today, and everyone you were afraid you had lost, is right here. You're afraid of doing this alone, but you're forgetting who is all around the corner. When you walked out, a small bag in your hand and Aaliyah drove you back to her apartment, who was the first person that came over to welcome you home?" He asked and I had even more tears fall down my face, a flood of painful memories filling my head like the worst movie ever created.

"Logan"

"Are you afraid he won't be here to welcome you home when your baby is born?" He asked and I nodded slowly, covering my face in my hands.

Gabe pulled me into his lap, and I hid my face in his neck.

"You're never alone, Leighton. He's gone doing his job, but he always comes back. We always do" He murmured, rubbing his hand up and down my back.

"He's my best friend" I cried and Gabe nodded, still rubbing my back.

"Are you and Colby getting along now?" He asked and I nodded, nuzzling against the crook of his neck. "That's good. Are you having fun with Silas?" He questioned and I nodded once again, leaning back so I could look at his face, a frown finding its way placed on my own. Before I could ask the question that wouldn't get out of my head, there was a knock on the bathroom door causing Gabe to stand up, and I saw an unknown male nurse standing there.

"Is everything okay in there?" He asked and I nodded, wiping my tears. "Alright.. I'm going to need to have a talk with you about your day to day life" He said and I frowned, standing up.

Everyone was kicked out of the room, and I was sat back down in the hospital bed, the nurse sitting in front of me with a blank notepad.

"You have quite a few concerned friends and family member's in the waiting room" He said and I smiled softly, nodding.

"So Dr. Hughes will explain the medical scare more to you, and that sentence isn't meant to scare you! I know it sounds scary, but there are a few things that could be going on, and we just need to ask some questions to hopefully pinpoint what is going on, and treat you correctly" He explained and I nodded.

He went through and asked me what my day to day looked like. What my habits were like, what I tended to eat in a day, and if there were stressful things going on.

He explained how if I got my vitamins in my food, that I wouldn't need to take the pills. That food was a preferred way to get vitamins in and to only take the vitamins if I haven't gotten my fill for the day through other things.

"Okay so during pregnancy, you need calcium which you can get from vitamin D sometimes. It depends what you take. You can get it from more things than just milk. You need vitamin D, which you can get from the sun naturally, but with you being pregnant, I'd be nervous about too much sun and heat stroke. Dr. Hughes will talk to you more about it, but I'm sure she'd like you to take the vitamin d pill, instead of risking heat stroke and exhaustion. You could also try things like oranges or certain proteins. You need omega, Folic acid, iron, vitamin B and C. One thing that some people do is take too much by accident. If you're reaching your daily limit in foods, you don't need the medication" he explained and I nodded slowly.

"What happens if you take too much?"

"Uh.. well.. it can harm your baby" He said with apprehension and my eyes widened. "High doses of vitamin A, vitamin C, or vitamin E can be dangerous for the baby. I don't think Dr. Hughes is too concerned about vitamins being the reason why. You won't, let's say, overdose on vitamins all from having fruit in the morning" he paused and then explained what I'd get from some of the foods I had listed.

We talked about maybe meeting with a nutritionist and the benefits I could get from that when it comes to not taking pill forms of vitamins until there was a knock on the door and in walked Dr. Hughes.

"I have your test results" She said and I nodded, feeling my heart race.

"Your drug test came back clean, so that's good. Drugs being a factor has been taken out of the equation. This is not a diagnosis, but an observation. You do have EARLY signs of preeclampsia. I say this because you normally don't get the diagnosis till about 30ish weeks? 20 the earliest.. and you're only 18 weeks. You can develop symptoms, but to have them all this early is concerning. Your blood test results show some signs of preeclampsia but nothing concerning. I'd be more inclined to really watch this when you're further along. Say around 30ish weeks, I wouldn't be surprised if you fully developed it, but there are things you can do to try and prevent it. One is losing weight, which as your doctor I do not recommend. You're by no means overweight. Just because you have more curves and a thicker body type, doesn't mean you're overweight. I would actually prefer to see you put on a little more weight, but not much. You're in what I like to call the sweet spot for 18 weeks. Other ways to help prevent it are controlling your blood pressure and blood sugar, which you already know we are trying to do. I will touch on this more for something else. Exercising will help. I can talk to you about a good exercise routine for your pregnancy if you'd like. You should not over-exercise. Eating things with low salt and no caffeine will also help and of course getting enough sleep. I'm not saying doing all these things will cure it, or make it a 100 percent success rate of not getting it, but it could help"

"How do I know if it's gotten worse?"

"Well right now you have high blood pressure. We don't want that to get worse. You kind of already get blurred vision. You told me you got that if you were dizzy. Which is kind of another sign of preeclampsia. It's a kicker because a lot of the signs of preeclampsia are also "normal" pregnancy symptoms. Shortness of breath, swelling in the hands, face and feet. You said today was the first time you had the right side abdominal pain. That's a more severe case, and I'm hoping what you felt was a baby kick? So you will need to watch out if you feel any more fluttering. The concerning thing is it shouldn't feel like stabbing. The baby isn't strong enough yet to make you feel like that. It could be gas, it could be things moving around, we will do another ultrasound in a little bit"

"What happens if I do get it?" I asked hesitantly, my heart racing a mile a minute.

"I think it's best that we cross that bridge if we get there. We are hoping you don't. What we do need to focus on though, is treating your Anemia" She said and my eyes widened.

"My what?!"

"You have Iron-deficiency Anemia. What this is, is it makes it so your body doesn't have enough iron to make a good amount of healthy red blood cells. Iron helps make Hemoglobin, which is the part of the red blood cell that gives the cell its color, and lets the blood cell carry oxygen throughout your body. Signs are things like extreme fatigue and muscle weakness. Pale lips and skin. Chest pains. So like you mentioned your chest hurting and feeling like it was hard to breathe, especially before you'd faint. Let's take the fainting in the lobby as an example. You were early on in the pregnancy, you carried this girl to safety and you experienced muscle weakness and fatigue, which caused the chest pain, quickened heartbeat and shortness of breath which led to feeling dizzy, and then passing out. That is ONE case you've experienced MULTIPLE symptoms. It can be overlooked as overworking yourself and this and that, but then you go on to pass out again, and again, and again.. do you see what I'm saying?" She asked and I nodded slowly, small tears falling down the curve of my nose.

"I passed out on vacation once, we think it was from lack of eating?" I mentioned and Dr. Hughes nodded.

"Poor appetite is another symptom. It's more common in children and babies" She explained and I sighed, feeling stupid.

"Cold hands and feet are also a symptom. Brittle nails. Craving things that have no nutritious value, such as wanting to eat ice chips and such."

"So how do we treat this?" I questioned, already dreading having to tell everyone I have a disorder.

"We will make your iron supplement higher. We are going to send you home a list of pregnancy safe foods that will give you iron. If this doesn't get treated, you're looking at things like fatigue, headaches, heart problems, pregnancy complications, restless leg syndrome and developmental delays within your child" She said and I felt my whole world stop.

"Wait, what? So.. I'm hurting my baby?" I asked and she sighed and shifted her position.

"Yes and no. What we are going to focus on is fixing it. I need you to really take it seriously when I tell you we need to boost your iron and lower your blood pressure" Dr. Hughes repeated and I nodded slowly, my brain taking a minute to process everything.

"Leighton, I'm not kidding when I tell you the next step is bed rest or hospitalization. I need you, and this baby to make it out alive, and the only way I can do that is if you fully take in what I'm asking from you. We need to figure out your vitamin intake, your iron supplement, your blood pressure, your new exercise routine and what you're needing to eat in a day. This is your first pregnancy, and it is scary and stressful to hear this, but we are going to work together. The second you stepped into the office and your pregnancy test came back positive, you have never been alone. I'm going to meet with specialists and figure out a plan WITH you and then if you're willing, I would like to meet with you and a few of the people who are willing to help you. It takes a village to raise a child. Remember that. Now, if it's okay with you, I'd like to page my on-call dietitian, and hook you up to an IV. You're dehydrated and I would like to prevent you from passing out under my supervision"

~

My dad, Gabe, Cynthia, Sam and Silas were sitting in my room, the silence filing the air as we watched my IV drip.

All eyes are on me, and I felt like just breathing wrong, someone was going to jump on me.

Silas was sitting quietly in the corner, not even looking at me. Gabe was on his phone, trying to learn about Iron Deficiency. My dad was texting my mom, and Cynthia was staring at me with a "Who kicked my puppy" look.

There was a soft knock on my door, and everyone stepped to the side, taking a seat on the couch that lined the window as Dr. Hughes walked in the room along with the male nurse from earlier and some unknown male I had never seen before.

"Are you the family and friends of our lovely Leighton here?" Dr. Hughes asked and everyone nodded.

Before she was able to open her chart, there was a knock on the closed door, the nurse opening it and much to everyone's surprise, stood in front of us was Colby.

"What are you doing here?" I asked and you could hear a pin drop with how still everyone was.

"Sam texted me saying I was either all in on Team Leighton, or all on my own. I vowed to myself to be Team Leighton, so I'm here, doing the work. I'm sorry for interrupting. Please proceed" Colby said, walking over to the rest of my clang.

"Are you fine that he's in the room?" Dr. Hughes asked me and I nodded slowly, glancing over towards the fetal heart monitor.