"You want to do what?" She asked and I just cried harder, the emotional defeat making me feel physically fatigued.

"I can't do it" I cried and dropped my phone on the comforter, covering my face with my hands as my heart raced.

"You can do it Leigh! Stop lying to yourself! You're thinking irrationally" She shouted through the phone and I just cried harder "This is the most rational thinking I've done since last year Aaliyah! I can't do it. I can't have my baby suffer!" I covered my face in my hands, my nose starting to drip making me gag.

I quickly got out of bed, rushing to the bathroom and throwing up in the toilet before grabbing a Kleenex and wiping my nose and throwing it away.

"Your baby won't suffer Leigh!" she yelled, sounding muffled. "Leighton, are you okay?!" Aaliyah called out and I sighed, flushing the toilet and washing my hands. I brushed my teeth and sat back down on the bathroom floor, my stomach feeling queasy.

I sat there for a moment before getting up and going back to my phone, only to be surprised as I saw tears fall down Aaliyah's face.

"Why are you crying?"

"I hate seeing you hurt Leighton" She sighed, wiping at her cheeks.

"I'm okay" I reassured and she shook her head. "You're trying your best and it still isn't good enough! I don't want you to give up your baby Leighton. You've wanted this baby since the moment you found out about it, you can't just give it to someone else!" She cried and watching her cry made me cry.

"I can't afford this baby. It would be selfish to put a baby through this, if I can give them to someone better" I tried to explain, but she just shook her head "Leighton there is no one better than their own mother"

"I'm useless if I can't feed them, put clothes on their back and give them a good home" I whispered, and I clutched my boobs making Aaliyah look at me weirdly. "They fucking hurt" I grumbled and she just started laughing which made me crack a smile and start to giggle.

"I'm sorry you're going through this Leighton" Aaliyah said softly, frowning.

"They say children are the best birth control. I say pregnancy is the best birth control. I never want to do this ever again, and the hard part hasn't even started" I muttered, my boobs still hurting.

"Why do your boobs hurt?" She asked and I sighed dramatically, letting go of my chest.

"They're growing to hold the milk to feed the baby, so they hurt like a bitch on and off throughout pregnancy and I read that some people start leaking before the baby is even born" I informed and he made a grossed out face.

"Leaking? Your boobs leak?" She asked, and I laughed, nodding. "If you don't pump or feed the baby, they get too full and hurt and leak. You have to wear these like nipple patches to hold back the milk from leaking through your shirt, otherwise you'll have these like wet spots on your shirt, around your nipples" I giggled at the end, smiling at how she was interested in how my pregnancy was going.

She showed more interest in my pregnancy than the baby daddy did, which honestly made me quite nervous for how this relationship of co-parenting was going to go.

I had to remind myself that Gabe was trying, and did ask sometimes how things were going.. it's just that he is so busy with work that I think he sometimes forgets..

"I'm glad that when I'm on my period and my boobs hurt, they aren't leaking" She joked and I cracked a smile, nodding in agreement.

It was quiet for a minute and I pulled out the peppermint oil from my bedside drawer, rubbing some of it on my wrists and sniffing it to calm down my tummy.

"It's kinda cool that there are certain smells or tastes that help your nausea" Aaliyah said and I nodded, sniffing my wrist again. "It makes me look weird though. Imagine I walk by you and I'm sniffing my wrist intently" I chuckled.

"It's okay, you already look weird" She teased and I rolled my eyes, debating on hanging up on her.

"You know you really made me pause on Gordan Ramsey. Why do you want to put your baby up for adoption anyway?"

"I can't have my baby taken from me due to not being able to take care of it. You realize that if I can't care for this baby, the government will take him or her away from me and the idea of my baby being ripped away from me without my permission feels like someone stabbed me in the heart. You don't understand how terrified I am! No one ever talks about the logistics of having a baby. Everyone talks about how they find out they're pregnant, they tell their friends and family and live happily ever after. This shit fucking sucks. Yes, it's a beautiful thing that I get to grow a baby inside of me, but it isn't like it's a painless experience. I'm 10 weeks along today and I already have back pain, sore boobs, nausea, cravings, almost peeing my pants, not to mention I'm basically lying to people, plus there is the constant fear of losing the baby. You aren't in the clear until it's born. It's terrifying thinking about how I could do one thing wrong and lose my baby. Hell, I could do everything perfectly, and still lose the baby. It's fucking scary how much is out of your control. Not to mention, I still don't know how the fuck am I going to tell Colby I'm pregnant? Everyone else found out by accident! I told you and River because what else was I supposed to do? Katrina found out because my ass almost passed out in a fucking bowling alley. I had to tell Gabriel because he was the father and it's not like I can shove a pregnancy in his face, he isn't the dad. Sam found out because he saw Kat looking at my ultrasound photos. My dad found out because I fucking passed out in the hospital room, same with my siblings. Like how the fuck am I supposed to tell them? I was planning to be moved out by the time I was four months pregnant. I didn't want to include so many people in this." I cried and Aaliyah sighed, leaning against the bathroom door, twisting a threaded bracelet that was on her wrist.

"Is that what this is about? You're worried about Colby?" She asked and I shook my head.

"I'm worried about him being mad at me and kicking me out. I can't afford to live on my own. I honestly need to figure out this money shit before I bring this baby into our lives. Like how will I pay for it? I still need to go to college to even get anywhere with my life, I need to buy my own place before the baby gets here, because I'm not raising a baby with strangers. Whether they're my friends or not, they didn't sign up for a baby to be in their house." It was quiet for a second and rubbed at my eye and Jake spoke up, catching me off guard since I thought he was falling asleep.

"I think tomorrow, we need to sit down and figure out a way to do it. I know you don't want friends and family to give you money, but there are ways you can make more money, we just need to think about it. I don't want you to give up any of your dreams Leighton. You already gave up one of them, and I know you regret it to this day. I don't want that for you Leighton. You're like my sister, I can't lose you. We both know you want to keep this baby, so let's figure it out. Let's go to bed, and then tomorrow we can figure it out okay?"

~

When Lexi and I walked into the hospital, Landon was standing next to Cynthia with a big smile on his face. "Mom's awake!" He exclaimed, a grin filling out his cheeks.

"What?! Really?!" My face was full of surprise and he quickly nodded. I shoved his text books into his chest that Lexi and I had picked up from their school and ran into her room. "Mom!" I shouted, my eyes tearing up at the smile on her face.

"Hey sunshine!" She smiled even wider as I wiped the tears, going in to hug her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up! How long have you been awake for?" I questioned and I saw a guilty look flash across her eyes, making me confused.

"Since about 4am-"

"MOM!" I yelled, appalled that she didn't have them call us.

"What? I wasn't going to bother my family! You guys needed your rest!" She gave a bashful smile and I wanted to smack her.

"You almost died so many times and you didn't want to bug us by telling us you were awake!?"

"I'm sorry Leighton, but you're pregnant, you need it!" Her cheeks reddened as her smile grew and I shook my head.

"Whatever! That was mean" I pouted and she tugged on my arm, pulling me into her chest.

"How is my baby girl doing?" She asked and I looked at her weirdly.

"We don't know the gender yet?"

"I meant my daughter dumbass" She laughed and I grinned, excited that she was back to her playful self

"Don't let dad hear you utter those words or you'll get grounded" I teased and she laughed. "I'm doing alright mom. I gotta get to work soon though" I sighed, not wanting to leave her side.

"I'll be okay Leigh. Go to work, make your money, have a good day sweetie. I'll be here when you get back. You need to stop putting your life on hold just because of me" She encouraged me and I shook my head.

"You scared the crap out of me! You can't just send me off like it didn't happen! How are you by the way?" I asked, taking a seat next to her.

"I'm alright baby. Just sore, tired and I get headaches. We've done this all before Leighton. I'll be okay. We have to trust that I will be okay" She squeezed my hand and I sobbed, feeling her grip tighten against my palm.

I never wanted to forget that feeling.

"Are you taking care of yourself? Sleeping, eating? Taking your vitamins?" She asked and I nodded.

"I have a timer on my phone to take the prenatals. It's like birth control all over again" I chuckled "You need to stop worrying about me! You're the one who had brain surgery! Take it easy mom!"

"It's a mothers duty to worry about her children, and now I get to worry about my grandbaby too!" She smiled and I felt my heart drop.

If only she knew what I thought I wanted to do...

~

It was currently 4pm and I just got off my shift at Target, holding a fresh paycheck in my hands. It felt good to see the dollar mount on it. To know I was making money.

I was one step closer to achieving step one of my plan, and the feeling felt empowering.

The house was quiet, so I figured no one was home. I made a quick PB&J, waiting for the text from my dad telling me when my mom had woken up so I could visit. I decided it was time to look into how to set up an adoption, needing to learn about the process. I knew I needed to talk to Gabe about it, but I wanted all the facts first so I spent about an hour researching agencies and the ins and outs of the process. Every time I read "new home" my heart bled.

I really wanted this baby, but I knew I couldn't. I had to think of the child before myself. He or she deserved better.

I found myself staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, viewing my side profile in hopes of seeing a bump, or more bloating. Anything to indicate I was growing a baby, and much to my surprise, there was one.

It was small, but it was there and hey, size doesn't count, right?

I smiled at my little bump, brushing my hand over the slightly bigger bloating as I watched it move in and out as I breathed.

I don't know how long I was in the bathroom, analyzing my stomach, but I heard the front door open and voices fill the entryway making me walk out.

"I mean I think we should have enough people to play on the trip?" I heard Colby reply to whatever their conversation was. I decided to ignore them. I walked over to the couch and found my place in the article I was previously reading. I figured they'd go do their own thing, that was until I felt eyes burning into my soul.

I slowly glanced up over my phone, seeing Sam and Colby looking at me. "This is creepy y'know" I muttered and Sam chuckled tilting his head, and I copied his actions, tiling my own.

What were they up to?

"Do you want to go somewhere haunted with us?" Sam asked and my face scrunched up, confused as to why they were asking me this out of nowhere.

"Now why on earth would I want to do that?" I asked, flabbergasted by the idea of them asking me out of everyone they knew.

"It'll be fun!" Sam grinned and I could see he was going to do his best to convince me.

I needed convincing? How bad was this going to be? What were they up to?

"Where is it?" I asked, deciding to humor this idea they had, and he bit his lip. "It's a forest about 3 hours from here" He informed me and I shook my head. "Hell no. Last time I went into the woods I was hospitalized" Not to mention, pregnant, which he knew!

It would be extremely dangerous for me to go on this adventure. Anything could happen, and I needed to protect my little one! Why would he invite me to go to the woods with them if he knew I was pregnant?

"Please Leighton!" He begged and I eyed Colby who was glancing between Sam and I

What were they up to?

"Why do I have to go?" I asked, trying to figure out what their idiotic plan was.

I get Colby asking, since he didn't know, but Sam?

"Because I want to take someone who hasn't been! Nate's been already. I want to take someone who hasn't been before!" He said and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"That's the biggest load of bullshit you've ever said to me. Spill Sam" I raised my eyebrows at him, tired of whatever sly game they were trying to play.

"I'm not lying!" His outburst was loud, catching me by surprise.

"Bullshit Sam!" I shouted and he took a step back making me try to hold back a chuckle.

"Okay fine! We want to hang out with you" He confessed and I started laughing, causing them all to look at me weirdly.

And there it was.

"So let me get this straight, you wanted to con me into going to some haunted sketchy ass forest with you guys, just because you wanted to hang out?" I asked, catching my breath as I sat up.

"I mean, we also need to film a video" Sam confessed and I chuckled again, shaking my head in disbelief

"I'll hang out with you guys, but can we just play a game or something? I worked for 8 hours. I don't want to get lost in a forest" I half lied, giving Sam a knowing look.

Yes, I didn't want to go walking in a forest after working a long shift, but I most importantly didn't want to fall on my face and hurt my baby.

I definitely wasn't looking forward to growing as big as a watermelon and having swollen ankles. Walking would definitely suck then, so maybe I should get in as much walking now as I could before my ankles are bigger than my head.

"How about we invite over some of our friends?" Colby suggested and my heart raced at the idea of more people coming over and possibly learning my secret.

If I leave every 2 seconds to pee or vomit, surely they're smart enough to put two and two together.

"Can I invite over someone?" I asked, catching them off guard.

"You have friends?" Colby asked and my jaw dropped. "What is that supposed to mean!?"

"I only ever see you hang out with Jake" He told me and I glared at him.

I pushed myself up off the couch and I felt like a bladder was going to combust.

Fuck

I quickly shoved them out of the way and went to book it to the bathroom, only for Nate to be in the bathroom.

Oh I'm not going to make it.

I can't have my first time peeing my pants as a pregnant person when I'm 10 weeks along! Peeing your pants is embarrassing as it is, but it's even more embarrassing when you're not even that far along!

I repeatedly said "fuck" in my head as I quickly ran upstairs, rushing to the hallway bathroom. I have never been more thankful that I wasn't the size of an elephant with my baby weighing me down as I rushed up these stairs. If I couldn't move quickly, I for sure would've combusted on their stairs.

What was I? A puppy? Ugh.

"Oh thank god" I sighed, thankful I didn't pee myself in front of the boys.

I knew I should've peed when I got home.

I swear sometimes I forget I'm pregnant.

I frowned, that word repeating in my head

Pregnant

Was I really going to do this? Could I do this?

Could I let go of my baby?

Could I really go through with the adoption idea?

"Leighton, are you okay?" Sam asked outside the bathroom. I dried my hands, opened the door and nodded. "I was gonna piss my pants man" I breathed out and Sam laughed. "The bean is killing me" I grumbled, trying to be discreet in case Colby was nearby.

I honestly couldn't wait to tell him. I was tired of hiding. It was exhausting. I wish I knew what his reaction would be so I would be less afraid, but sadly the fear and anxiety kept winning.

All I could think about is how he already hated me, and I had no money to support myself.

I needed him, and that crushed me.

I hated depending on people

We walked back downstairs and Colby was talking to someone on his phone and Nate was scrolling through Instagram on his phone.

"Do you work this weekend Leighton?" Colby asked after he hung up with whoever he was talking to, catching me off guard yet again.

"Um.. I work tomorrow but I'm off till Tuesday" I sat down, grabbing a blanket from behind me to cover my tummy since I wasn't wearing a hoodie.

Last thing I needed was my shirt to cling to me and my little pudge to poke out.

I know I was being dramatic and that they more than likely wouldn't notice considering it probably was just bloating from all the water I've been drinking. Last thing I needed was for Colby to find out, add it to his case of why I'm sketchy, and then kick me out.

"Do you want to come with us to the Airbnb?" Colby asked and I couldn't help but glare at him.

"You already uninvited me dumbass"

Okay, so apparently pregnant me holds grudges now. That's good to know I guess.

I frowned at the idea of this baby slowly chipping my true self away, I just hoped these thoughts and feelings were worth it in the end.

"I'm sorry. The reason behind it was childish, will you please come with us?" He asked again and I frowned, trying to read through his lies.

Why did he have such a change of heart suddenly?

"Why would I want to come with you guys to a place you didn't want me to go to in the first place?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Leighton, can I talk to you for a minute alone?" Colby asked and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Why?"

"Please?" He begged, confusing me even more.

Was I asleep? Why was everyone acting so weird today?

Nate and Sam looked at us weirdly as Colby stood up and walked up the stairs. I glanced over to Sam who gave me a weird look, telling me he didn't know so I just blindly followed Colby, and I found him just chilling on the floor in the hallway.

"What the fuck?" I laughed, Colby laying on his back in the hallway. I decided to join him, and I laid down parallel next to him.

"Whatcha doin'?" I turned my head to face him and I saw a grin fill his face before he replied.

"Just chilling. What 'bout you?" He asked, staring up at the ceiling.

"J chillin'" I replied, going back to look at the ceiling. We laid in silence until I spoke up again. "Is this what you wanted from me?" I asked and he shook his head, sitting up and turning so he was leaning against the wall.

I copied his movement so we were sitting across from each other.