"MOM!" I screamed, my brother holding me tight against his chest.

"Leighton, they'll help her. It's okay! Think of the baby, you can't be getting this stressed all the time. You'll lose the baby" He said in a stern tone and I nodded, wiping the tears off my cheeks.

He was right, but being helpless made waiting feel like pure agony.

"No! We have to help her!" I sobbed, the idea of my mother not having a heartbeat made it feel like the ground collapsed beneath me, and I was falling multiple stories to my death.

She's my whole world. My sun, moon, and stars. I can't lose her, or my universe won't make sense! I rubbed the tattoos on my finger, praying to god that she will be okay.

She's a fighter. She's done this once, she can do it again.

"Leigh we can't lose mom, and her grandbaby on the same day. Breathe with me. She's in the safest place we could've brought her to. They'll help her. They'll help mom, now let me help you" Logan did some deep breathing with me and I eventually calmed down. My heart rate is slowing down.

I watched a group of nurses walk out of her room with relieved looks, walking away from us.

That had to be a good sign, right?

Logan had gotten a nurse to grab me a cold water bottle, and I was clutching it for the life of me.

We approached the room and my dad was holding my mom's hand and I could see his cheeks were wet as the doctor moved her limbs so they didn't stiffen.

I couldn't fathom how hard that was for him to watch. How much pain he had to be in right now.

"Please tell me she's okay" I spoke, causing him to look at me.

"She'll be okay sweetheart" He nodded, pulling me into a hug, letting me cry on his shoulder. "She's a fighter Leigh. She'll be okay" He reassured me and I nodded, my nose sniffling.

We heard someone clear their throat, and a new nurse was in the room, the doctor standing next to her.

"Hello, I'm Mrs. Fox's night nurse. I'm going to do a routine check up, so if you could please step out for a second" She gave us a small smile, walking over to check vitals, a clipboard in hand.

"Mrs. Fox is fighting really hard right now, but I have hope. I don't know what you guys believe in, but however you like to wish someone the best, please do it for her. We really want her to wake up by tomorrow, or she could suffer long term amnesia" Her doctor said and I nodded, trying to pull myself together.

Logan, my dad and I all walked out, standing outside her door.

I asked Logan how his home life was doing, and he grinned, telling me they were thinking about getting a puppy.

"Oh, so I get a baby, and you get a puppy?" I asked and he nodded, his face looking like a little boy on Christmas morning.

"We're debating between a rottweiler and a golden retriever" He kept grinning and I shook my head, a slight laugh escaping my lips

"How basic of you" I teased

"How is that basic?" He laughed and I smirked. "All you need a son and a daughter and you're the wholesome American family"

"I love Aunt Ginger's rotty, and I kind of want one" He spoke, seeming like he was trying to convince me.

"Yeah, she always had the best dogs. I was talking about the Golden Retrievers though. The basic American family dog" I giggled. "Anyway, let me know what you decide. I can't wait to play with the little snug bug" I grinned and the door next to us opened, the nurse leaving the room.

My dad went in to ask the doctor questions, and I found my way towards the bathroom, my bladder killing me.

I almost didn't make it, not going to lie. It was a close one.

I heard it wasn't uncommon to pee your pants when you're pregnant, but I definitely didn't want it to happen, especially when I'm only 10 weeks along.

"Baby, please help mommy. I need to hang out with grandma. You can't have me peeing every 5 seconds" I mumbled, rubbing my hand over the slight bloating I had, comfort spreading across my body at the idea of it being my little baby.

I walked out of the bathroom, and a nurse was approaching me with a cart full of sweets, and my mouth watered.

God I would kill for a cookie right now.

"Hello, would you like anything? I have different kinds of cookies. There are some crackers, blueberry bread, water, and coffee" She motioned towards the cart and I nodded, eyeing the snacks.

"Can I have two sugar cookies please?" I asked and she nodded. "Thank you so much!" I smiled, taking the two individual packaged cookies from her.

I snacked on the cookies, walking back towards my mom's room.

I noticed Logan was sitting inside the room, his hand holding my moms as he talked softly.

I decided to go find my dad, and much to no one's surprise, he was at a vending machine.

"Where did you find those!" He asked, pointing to the cookies in my hand.

"Some lady was walking with a cart" I told him and I saw him eye my cookie. "No! You're not stealing a pregnant person's craving! Go hunt her down yourself! This is my sugar cookie!" I told him, taking a bite out of it.

He fake pouted and bought a bag of cheese crackers.

"How is your pregnancy going by the way?" Dad asked, opening the small bag of crackers.

"It's alright. Just sore and tired, feeling like crap. Everything to be expected" I shrugged and he nodded. "I'm just waiting for my bump. I'd rather have a bump as a pregnancy reminder than to look into the inside of a toilet bowl" I giggled and he chuckled with me.

"Yeah, morning sickness was brutal for your mother, especially with the twins. Speaking of the twins, they should be here soon. Landon is bringing Braxton" Dad said and my eyes widened.

"Braxton? Like boyfriend Braxton?" I asked and he nodded. "Why is he bringing his boyfriend to meet us at the hospital where our mother is admitted?"

"Emotional support I guess. I remember when you brought Gabe home for the first time. I thought I was going to ground you and punch him" My dad shook his head, reminiscing

"What? Why!" I laughed, not knowing that's how he felt.

"You brought home some Highschool punk! He had inverted frosted tips Leigh!" He said and I laughed with him, remembering that phase of life.

"Yeah, I'm glad he grew out of that. Literally" I giggled and he nodded.

"How has he been with the pregnancy?" He asked and I sighed.

I was hoping he'd never ask.

"Alright" I mumbled and my dad eyed me suspiciously

"Spill kid" He gave me a knowing look and I sighed, shaking my head.

"Dad, it's fine. Really"

"No Leigh! It's not! He got you pregnant. He doesn't get to just run away for the hard part! Your mother felt alone during her pregnancy, no matter how much I was there by her side, because she was the only one who could feel what she felt. The only one who knew the pain and mental torture, and I was there for her twenty four seven. I don't want that to happen to you, and you be alone. You're not alone Leigh. Pregnancy is hard, you should never be alone sunshine and if he isn't there for you, he's still that same punk that walked through my front door five years ago"

"Thank you dad" I hugged him, replaying his words in my head.

The same punk from High School

We walked into my mom's hospital room and Logan was holding her hand. "How is she doing?" Dad asked, startling Logan.

"The same" he sighed, standing up and swapping places with me.

"Come on mom. Wake up for me. I want to see your gorgeous eyes again. Your beautiful smile. I want my mom back. Please wake up" I begged, clutching onto her hand. Her perfectly pink nail polish resting lifeless against my own chipped nails.

I don't know how long I was sitting there for, when I started to hear machines blaring an alarm sound again. I was shoved out of the way, fresh tears welling up in my eyes as the doctors worked on her.

I wish I knew what was going on. I had no idea what they were yelling at each other as they worked like a well oiled machine.

After about 2 minutes, the beeping stopped and people left the room again, letting us back in.

"Mom" I whispered, my voice shaking. I sat down again, holding her hand as tears fell down my cheeks. "It's okay mom. It's okay. I know I said you had to come back to me, I know you promised, but if the fight is too hard, it's okay. I love you mommy. I'll always love you. You'll forever be my superhero. You're fighting your hardest and I'm so proud of you. Giving up doesn't make you weak. It's okay if you have to go. I love you so much mom. If staying here means you live in pain, it's okay to go. I love you" I spoke softly, my brother standing behind me.

Logan took my spot after I said I was going to go home to grab some clothes and my phone charger.

There was no way in hell I was leaving my family alone right now.

When I got back, I rested my head on her bed, my back hunched over as I closed my eyes, my hand holding hers. I don't know how long I laid there for, but I felt a familiar hand on my back. I opened my eyes and Jake was standing next to me. My brother is across from me and the twins at the end of her bed.

Lexi and Landon walked out, and Sam and Colby walked in, surprising me.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked, sitting up, the aching in my back was killing my hips.

"Just wanted to come support you" Sam smiled. "How's she doing?" He asked and I shrugged, still not knowing how to read the monitors.

"She's got a heartbeat" I glanced over towards the lifeline.

"Well that's a good thing" he smiled at me and I nodded.

I looked around the room, and noticed it was now just Sam, Colby and I.

"Where did Jake go?" I asked, confused since he was right behind me a second ago.

"He went to go meet your brother's boyfriend, saying and I quote I need to toughen him up" Sam chuckled, and I nodded. "Jake brought you this" Sam said, reaching into his backpack. He pulled out my baby journal and sketchbook, causing me to gasp.

I quickly snatched the journal, hoping no one looked inside.

"Thank you" I nodded, reaching for my sketchbook.

"He grabbed this as well, I hope this is what you need" He said, and took out a packet of my drawing pencils.

"Yes! Thank you! Oh my god that has my blenders in it too! Ugh he does listen!" I grinned, reaching for it.

"Visiting hours are almost over, so we have to go in about 20 minutes. Are you coming home?" He asked and I shook my head.

"I don't want to leave them alone" I mumbled and Sam nodded.

Sam thanked me for helping them get into Waverly Hills, and I shrugged it off. Telling him it was no problem.

Sam and Colby pulled out Uno and a huge smile took over my tearful face.

"How'd you know?" I asked, watching Colby unbox the game.

"Jake" he said and I nodded.

Jake really was my lifeline huh. I was honestly just impressed that he listened to me, even when it looked like he wasn't.

It felt nice that I was befriending at least one of my roommates, even if I didn't plan on it lasting forever.

Colby was kicking my ass in Uno, and I was starting to get mad. "You suck! Stop playing reverse cards!" I yelled, Colby, Sam and I now sitting in the waiting room whilst Landon and Braxton were in the room with Logan.

"Okay, draw two" Sam said, putting down a yellow draw two.

"You guys suck!" I whined, picking up two of the cards.

I had to have 20 cards in my hand right now. Sam had 5 and Colby had 2.

This was unfair.

It was finally my turn, and I mentally cursed, drawing a card, making them laugh.

"This is how my day's going" I grumbled, still drawing from the deck

I needed a yellow or a two, and somehow in my mountain of cards I had neither.

It had been about 2 minutes of drawing from the deck, cards starting to fall out of my grip, when I gasped.

"I HAD A TWO THIS WHOLE TIME!?" I yelled, causing people to glare at me.

Sam and Colby started cackling across from me whilst I fumed.

"Are you serious!" I shouted, slipping the red two out from my green 8.

"At least you don't have to keep drawing," Colby mentioned and I glared at him.

"Shut it or those two cards are going where the sun don't shine" I mumbled and Sam winced.

"I think the possible paper cut that would cause is more of a punishment than the actual action" He grimaced and I smirked, cocking an eyebrow at Colby who made a face of disgust and discomfort.

Colby ended up winning Uno, so I told him he had to box up the game, and my petty ass wide spreading the cards in all sorts of different directions just to make it more difficult for him to do.

If not more difficult, at least more time confusing since he had to flip and rotate a lot of the cards.

Sam and Colby left, leaving Jake and I alone to play another round of Uno, but before we could take it out of the box, my dad told us it was time to head home.

"You don't have to stay Jake. You can go home with the boys, or to see Tara. I'll be okay" I gave him a weak smile and he shook his head.

~

I spent that night working on the artwork for Colby, sketching out some pose ideas and sending them to him for his opinion whilst Aaliyah and I watched Hells Kitchen over FaceTime, trying to forget about today. That next morning I was back in the waiting room waiting for visiting hours to open, not having to work till 3 today. I ended up texting Katrina an apology for being dramatic and abruptly leaving lunch. Looking back on it, I should've acted differently, and I regretted the way I hand handled the news, that really wasn't any of my concern.

I was getting annoyed at myself, and that my pregnancy hormones were taking over how I would normally act. I was usually pretty level headed. Willing to listen to every side of the story. I never made accusations or assumptions, and if I did have an assumption, I always asked instead of believing the rumors. Always willing to give people a chance, hear them out, be there for them... but once I got pregnant, I felt like a totally different person. I could barely recognize myself when I looked in the mirror after running away from a conflict, or crying at the drop of a hat and it was starting to worry me.

Would I always be this way?

I was always proud of myself for not being problematic. Even when I was hurt and upset, I could talk it out and try and figure it out... but it felt like this baby was controlling not only my bladder, but my emotions.

I knew when you got pregnant that being emotional was part of it, but I didn't think it would be to the extent it currently was.

I didn't think I'd be crying over baby bottles in a thrift store, or over someone not liking me.

I was used to not being everyone's favorite person. Mainly because I was so honest.

If you were acting like a bitch, I was going to tell you. If you did something wrong, I told you. If you hurt my feelings, I told you and if I hurt yours, I apologized and tried to figure out how to fix it, and not repeat it. But the second I found out I was pregnant, I felt like everything changed. I had no control over how I reacted, or when my eyes teared up and fell down my cheeks. I couldn't change the outcome or think it through. It was an immediate and irrational reaction towards the situation, and that bothered me.

The more time I had away from the event, the more my brain started to process what happened.

Like the rational side of me got to replay what happened, and regret what irrational me did.

I felt like I was watching someone else live my life. Like I was a caged up animal and someone stole my identity.

Nothing good has come from this pregnancy other than the baby itself. I was not only losing everyone I loved, but I was losing myself.

Yes. I had hurt feelings about being excluded from the trip, but they're allowed to do whatever the fuck they want without me. Aaliyahdidn't always invite me to things, and it never bothered me before. Then again, she still told me. If I asked, she didn't lie. Being left out never bothered me because I loved alone time. It was time to unwind and do whatever I want without worrying about someone else's enjoyment. The only person I had to entertain was myself, and it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my chest. Maybe it was because I had 0 indication that it was happening? When Sam and Colby left the first time, they gave me 2 week notice. I knew. Whereas they leave on Thursday, and that's in three days.

The more I tried not to think about it the worse it got.

The idea of being stranded and helpless made my head spin.

I was trying desperately to figure out why I was reacting the way I was, but I honestly had no clue.

Was it the thought of being completely alone? That I wouldn't have friends right around the corner if I needed help? Everyone would be at the Airbnb, and I would be all alone. Truly alone. What if I lost the baby, and I was all alone? Gabe didn't live extremely close to me. My parents lived 30 minutes away... what if something happened? What if something happened, and I was alone? I've been alone before... but the idea of being stranded and something going wrong made my head spin. I couldn't help but think about how there was no backup plan, or emergency routine. There was no safety net.

That was life.

There was no redo. You fucked up, you had to face the consequences, but what if my fuck up, made me lose my baby? Or my friends? My family?

What if my choice made me lose myself even more?

I rested my hand against my belly and my eyes started to water again.

I couldn't help but think about it being the fact that I was pregnant. Yeah I knew all along, but there was a tiny human inside of me counting on me. Needing me.

I chose to keep this baby, and everything was falling apart.

I was starting to get mad at myself.

This was no life for a baby.

If I was going to live alone, I couldn't depend on other people to help me.

I couldn't expect them to change their plans or to stop their life all because I was afraid.

My fear, my problem.

What was I going to do once the baby arrived? I wouldn't have a friend around the corner every second. I wouldn't have a spouse, only a phone call away. My mother is battling cancer and just had brain surgery, She couldn't come the second I called. My father is busy with my mother and it would kill me to tear him away from her. My brother and sister are finishing high school, my other brother has his wife to worry about...

I would be alone.

I'm alone.

I can't do this.

I can't raise this baby.

I've already made so many people upset at me. Colby regrets meeting me. My ex boyfriend probably regrets dating me. My family has to regret keeping me. Having to deal with all my problems now.

They already dealt with all my issues when I was younger, and now I've thrown another thing at them. All I'm doing is ruining the lives around me and I'll be damned if I ruin my baby's too.

I can't give birth to my son or daughter, and watch them suffer all because I was selfish. All because I was excited to watch them grow. There is more to life than seeing them smile when you walk into a room... There is money. A family, a home...

I knew I was being selfish. Selfish for wanting something I couldn't have. I can't raise this baby when I'm broke. I can't give this baby everything it deserves when I can barely afford rent.

This baby deserved better.

I had to give them better.